Building Trust

The intent of all this careful listening and sharing of feelings is the gaining access to the most treasured possession of a woman--her Trust.  Gaining trust is about you having integrity, and that integrity is built on your words and your actions.  It is possible for you to bed a woman without her complete trust, if that is all you truly seek.  However, you will miss the real riches that women will offer, and more importantly, you will never be a Good Bad Boy. 

Without trust you will never gain a foothold in a woman’s heart, hence she will never adore you.  Sure, she may think you’re hot, but that’s what she thinks, not how she feels.  Good Bad Boys will never settle for just this, they know the value of being held precious in a woman’s heart and attaining a permanent place there that belongs only to them.  Building trust is the surest way to get there.

Here’s a thought to consider – Building trust is simple, but it is not easy.  Again, another paradox.  Building trust is simple--you need only be honest, open, communicative, kind and consistent.  However, when you add patience,  understanding you’ll have to do all this over an extended period of time, and then it becomes more challenging. 

Authentic Communication

Although this question is usually met by males with a head scratching response, there is a big incentive to respond to it in as honest and indisputable manner possible.  This is another Big Truth that you need to recognize, memorize and never, ever forget--One of the main desires of women is being with a man who can effectively share how he feels.  

Being students in the art of women, Good Bad Boys are well aware of how important it is to females that a man be willing and able to successfully communicate his feelings.  A man who is in touch with how he feels and then shares that with a woman will gain her heart much more quickly than if he doesn’t want to be bothered with communicating them. 

Try to remember to not give responses that tell her what you think, which is what most men will do.  I’m no different since I tend to say what I think, but when asked how I feel about something I try to take a long moment before responding and think of certain buzzwords--angry, happy, sad, lonely, irritated, depressed, contented, lost--emotional words, words that for most men might as well be in Latin.  I try to respond through whichever of those words come closest to how I’m feeling.  This is a crucial time to remember the Good Bad Boy mantra--Think Less and Feel More. 

You can say that you’re sad, elaborate a little on why, and not say much more than that.  There is no need to justify or defend your feelings, they are not right or wrong, they are simply your feelings and they are legitimate.  Women don’t have to have it explained to them, they already understand.  If you delve into another person’s feelings, be willing to have yours examined as well. Handle this, and you’ll have moved along nicely in your Good Bad Boy evolvement.

Are You Listening?

The objective is to become an accomplished listener, which is the other half of being a good communicator.  If you only talk and don’t listen, you’re a blowhard, no matter how clever your words are.   Listening leads to knowing the person you’re communicating with, and knowing each other is vital to mutual attraction.  You may be in conversation with a supermodel, but if she starts talking about how the minorities in her part of town have become intolerable, your attraction to this person should melt as quickly as ice dropped onto the backyard barbeque.   

You’re now listening attentively and occasionally putting in a genuine comment or question, and you connect with what this woman is saying and the attraction is growing.  There is a caveat, however.  Since this level of conversation and getting to know each other is not a one-way street, be ready to have the spotlight turned onto you.  Asking her questions may seem difficult, but it pales in comparison to the terrifying moment when she asks ‘How does that make you feel?’

How Does That Make YOU Feel?

Up to this point, you’ve only been lobbing back verbal volleys in regard to her particular dilemma du jour.  There are two types of questions you can now ask, each from different sides of the brain.  You can ask nuts and bolts questions, like ‘Why didn’t your boss speak to you about the reorganization?’ or other male-type questions that essentially ask ‘What do you think about that?’  The other more provocative and difficult, yet ultimately rewarding choice is to ask her ‘How does that make you feel?’

This line of questioning and thinking is much more in the realm of the female, so you may get a protracted response.  Stay focused, keep listening and offer support here and there, but don’t overdo it.  Once again, don’t think too much, relax and simply have a conversation with this other person.  Remember, a woman often times simply wants to know you’re listening and that you care.  If she wants you to solve the problem for her, she will ask you directly to do it.

While women have their similarities, Good Bad Boys already know that women are snowflakes, each one of them unique; physically, mentally and emotionally.  Listen to each woman as if it’s the first time you’ve listened to any woman, and never bring past assumptions or experiences to the table.  In asking a woman how she feels, you become a student, so take the frame of mind that you’re learning.  The favorite subject of all Good Bad Boys is women, and they can never learn enough.  Every Good Bad Boy is always a student and he never assumes he knows everything about women.  That would be arrogant and egotistical, and this attitude will clear the room of all of the women you desire.  If you disagree, you’re welcome to try it your way.  I’m confident you’ll hate the results.

From Theory to Practice....

All this listening and asking questions is terrific, but how does one actually do this?  Well, with anything else, the more you practice the better you get at it.   However, you still have to start somewhere, and here’s a suggestion. 

The next time you’re having a conversation with a woman and are trying to practice Good Bad Boy techniques, listen carefully and follow her lead.  If she’s complaining about work, be sympathetic and agree with her about what a lousy boss she has, how unfair the work load is, how her company doesn’t realize what a prize employee they have on their hands, and so on.  Of course, this shouldn’t be just lip service; you should listen to her and mean it!  A woman will sense insincerity and then you’ll really be in trouble.  The important aspect to realize is that you need restraint, however, this does not give you license to use lame monosyllabic responses like ‘Gee’, ‘Huh’ ‘Wow” or ‘Sure’.  A few caring comments as the discussion flows will ease things.  Let her run with the conversation and get to know her.

Don’t underestimate how important compassion is.  A decent, evolved woman will value compassion and kindness greatly, and showing that you genuinely care about her will make you irresistible.  Of course, women are far more complex than we males, so it’s going to take much more than that to garner their complete adoration.

Listen - Then Ask Questions.....

Now that you’ve managed to corral the lousy habit of freely expressing your opinion, we’re going to turn it completely around.  Staying with the theme of paradoxes, you are now going to do something that fights every drop of testosterone that is coursing through that male vessel of yours.  You are now going to Ask Questions.

One commonality to all Good Bad Boys is that they seek and recognize opportunities to unlock the doors that separate men from women.  This is absolutely one of those occasions, and you must use it wisely.  From my own experience and speaking to other Good Bad Boys, the way we became comfortable with women was by taking the time to listen and then ask questions, which cultivated our understanding of them. 

Show a genuine interest in what she is saying, and try to ask questions that reflect that.  Being a male, you’re more focused on what’s going on below her neck than above, but if you really show concern about the travails of her cat--and mean it--she’ll end up in your arms sooner anyway. 

Besides, you’ll be out of your own head and exploring her world, and that will attract you to her, and vice versa, in a more meaningful and powerful way than left to your own primal devices.

Two Ears Versus One Mouth

It is now time to discuss the most important step down the Path of Bad Boy Enlightenment.    You should etch this permanently into your brain as soon as possible, that if you really want to become a Good Bad Boy;  you have to learn how to Listen To Women. 

Listening to other guys when you were a boy got you off on the wrong foot, and now its time to set you back in the right direction.  If you learn nothing else, please learn how to listen to women.  What this entails is not only listening, but hearing them as well.  Yes, another nuance for you to comprehend and excel at right away.  So many times women have expressed how men don’t listen to them.  Good Bad Boys have no interest in being like the unenlightened hordes of other men out there, so they take the extra time to become great listeners. Hear a woman out, offer support or and when it is requested--and only then--offer an opinion on the topic of conversation. 

If a woman is confiding to you about herself and that familiar male urge to give your opinion starts to come over you, do everything within your power to stifle it.  Bite your tongue, smile politely, think about baseball, nod your head, excuse yourself to the bathroom so you can regain composure and remind yourself not to think.  Do everything you can to kill this impulse.  If you lose this regrettable tendency, you will automatically become much more attractive to women.  You’re acknowledging their words and thoughts and giving them weight and consideration. 

Really listening to a woman is something they’re not used to from most men, so it will set you apart, and make you more special to them. 

The Path To Quiet Confidence

So, it’s essential for a Good Bad Boy to know how to lead without taking control, and that’s only one of many conundrums that a guy will face with women.  So, of course, you defer to Mr. Wilde’s infinite wisdom and forego trying to figure them out.  What a Good Bad Boy will concern himself with is being an irresistible guy, and we’ll develop that later.  For now, we’ll concentrate on successfully interacting with women, and once again, that means thinking a whole lot less.

Barring any serious psychological issues on your part, you’re probably like a lot of the Nice Guys out there in that pleasuring a woman is important to you, and doing it well is a priority.  This has to be one of your main goals to have any hope of being truly adored by women.   Good Bad Boys have a quiet sense of pride in knowing that they are skillful lovers, and enjoy bringing a woman as much pleasure as she can handle. 

In the arena of being an adroit seducer and love maker, they already know the secrets and keep it to themselves.  Good Bad Boys don’t brag about their sexual activities, they’ve already been told by the women in their lives how special they are, and their opinions matter the most to them.  Hopefully you are already aware that you never boast about your past sexual experiences to a woman, unless never having sex with her is a goal for you. 

Even if she asks you about it, assume a self-effacing attitude and politely side step any specific mention of your experiences.  If you’re a skilled lover, she already knows you’ve been around the block a number of times.  Her imagining that you’ve been with a lot of women will potentially turn her on, thinking you’re a lovely, naughty Bad Boy, and now she’s captured your attentions all to herself.  You telling her you’ve been with a bunch of other girls will completely kill the illusion she’s created in her mind, make her feel diminished and unexceptional, as well as taking away her fantasy guy. 

Now you’re just another player who has completely turned her off.  Let her run with the imagery and keep your mouth shut.

Good Bad Boy Tip #3

The crucial difference is that lead does not mean control, and it is vitally important for any man to understand this distinction if he is to attain Good Bad Boy status. 

Many women will state that they love a man who ‘takes charge’ or ‘takes control’, but these phrases refer to very specific situations, like knowing when to firmly take a woman and kiss her for the first, or hundredth time.  Taking charge doesn’t signify taking over. 

Women really enjoy it when men plan an evening out at a romantic restaurant, but that doesn’t mean he should tell her what she should eat.  Become conscious right now of the difference between leading and controlling – it’s a hugely important point to understand.

Think or Swim......

Men, in their charmingly simplistic view, assume that if a woman wants him to take the lead that is a comprehensive invitation to advise and instruct on all matters and decisions in a woman’s life.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  A trip to the dance floor may assist us in clarifying this line of thought.

Many women love to dance, and many men, straight men that is, really aren’t that keen on it.  By dance, I mean real dancing, like salsa, ballroom or swing, with prescribed steps that are followed to a considerable degree.  What I’m not referring to is white boys flailing around on the dance club floor, looking as if a horde of fire ants have been dropped into their pants. 

Lets imagine a man taking a woman to the dance floor, and as they proceed, he tells her at every step and move what she should do, where to go, how he thinks she should move there, even though she is already skilled in the dance steps.  This will quickly become a miserable experience for the woman, who would not be questioned for kicking this man in the groin for such actions.  A woman would be understandably quite angry with this behavior, and at the time she storms off, this man would think, in a frustrated manner, “But she said she wanted me to lead!"

 

Now consider the same man taking a woman onto the dance floor, leading her through the dance.  He leads her as far as the structure of the dance with the music is concerned; he has his steps, and she has hers that juxtaposes with his.  It is a balanced equation, a symmetry that flows naturally, and no words need be spoken to have it be so.  A man, in this specific relationship, provides the blank canvas for the woman to fill with colors and definition.  A man allows the space for the woman to fill with her style, manner and grace.  It is lovely and sexy, and all of it done as a partnership.

You Think Too Much....

One exasperating trait of men many women dislike is the general tendency to survey problems and then go about solving them in their own unique way.  It could be that this is wired into the male DNA from the hunter/gatherer days, but some of the modern day consequences of this characteristic are poorly done home repair projects, lack of foresight in financial and retirement planning, and a complete aversion to road maps among many other unattractive traits. 

The most egregious of these, however, is the male attribute that imagines that he has a new and brilliant insight to the way a woman may be running her life.  While this is perfectly acceptable, arguably gallant, when it is requested of them, much more often than not these pearls of wisdom are ushered forth without any form of invitation. 

Women are very accomplished and have gotten quite far without the sage advice of a male on how to go about their business.  Suffice it to say, the worst kind of advice is that of the unsolicited variety.  Add to that the fact that most men don’t have a very good grasp of women anyway, and then you have some really useless information being foisted upon a soon-to-be angry member of the female half of the population.  

Let’s proceed and find out how to love women, and by not trying to figure them out, leaving everyone much happier.

Listen to the Great Oscar Wilde....

Oscar Wilde, as with many other subjects, summed up his view on women in a single phrase.  He wrote, “Women are meant to be loved, not understood”, and the truth of this should not be underestimated.  It’s probably not so ironic that a brilliant gay man was able to enlighten the rest of the male masses on how to handle the matter of relating with women. 

However, just parroting his well-chosen words will hardly gain you insight on the female half of the species.  Deeper examination is necessary before you can put into action this newly acquired knowledge and think less.   It does sound contrary, but remember, we’re on a female planet now, and the frequency of conflicting concepts will multiply at an alarming rate.