Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Nice Try, Mr. Not So Nice Guy.......

While you are wrangling with the balance between Nice Guy and Bad Boy, there is still the problem on the nice side of the spectrum that we have already briefly examined.  Let's look at it in more detail.

By initially establishing a relationship based on friendship, instead of one that expresses sexual attraction and desire, the male has helped put up a physical intimacy wall between the two participants.  Now, if you’re very fortunate and there is mutual attraction, that will become apparent and you hopefully will not drop the precious ball that you’ve just been handed.  What will very quickly become a problem is operating with an ulterior motive.
As mentioned earlier, perform kind acts because you want to, not because you want something in exchange for them.

Not having the benefit of being properly educated on how to interact with women at an early age, Mr. Nice Guy becomes perplexed at why he can’t get a woman to desire him physically.  All the things he was taught about being nice to others when he was younger come into doubt.  Many start thinking, “I’m doing everything possible to help this woman out, why can’t she see that I’m really attracted to her?”

For better or worse, men are generally looked upon as the sexual pursuers in our society.  You can fight this fact all you want, but the sooner you embrace it, and stop whining about how women should be asking you out (with few exceptions, you’ll have a very long, miserable wait for them to do that), the sooner you’ll be a happier Good Bad Boy.

So, being nice is not getting you the attention you desire. Now the misunderstanding sometimes develops into darker areas of mistrust, frustration and anger. After repeatedly being nice to woman and striking out when it comes to asking them out on dates, most men, instead of looking in the mirror and recognizing that doing the same thing over and over is not working and taking responsibility for that, point the finger and blame women.

Friday, December 12, 2014

The Nice and The Bad

It’s no secret that women want to have a nice guy in their life. A fellow that they can rely on - shows up on time, calls on the phone regularly, listens, brings flowers, is caring and so on. The all-around Mr. Nice Guy. Most decent males, unless they grew up on Neptune or were raised by a wolf pack, already have a pretty good idea about this.

However, here’s where most guys trip up - Mr. Nice Guy generally doesn’t get a woman hot and bothered. He’s important to a woman everywhere except the bedroom. By now it better be obvious that the goal is being important to a woman in every room in her house, with as few restrictions as possible.

In discussing this with women, most agree that men generally do not merge the Bad Boy with Mr. Nice Guy. Most men are either one or the other, which many times leave women with a frustrating choice. Either there are decent men who don’t know how to properly light their fire, or bad guy loser types who know how to seduce and excite a woman but behave badly in every other regard, which is certainly not of interest here.

As discussed earlier, the lack of effective education and communication on how to interact with girls can be pointed out as a culprit. A lot of guys grow up watching too many movies where a tough, Clint Eastwood type character who barely communicates any sentiment always gets the stunningly attractive woman. Add to that the media stereotypes of musicians, athletes and other celebrities with glamorous models on their arm, and boys get the notion that being cool, aloof, and difficult to communicate with makes them a Bad Boy that girls will find completely irresistible.

That leaves the unhappy dynamic of unscrupulous Bad Boys being unable to connect with women, and because of their misconceived aversion to performing nice deeds this leaves them unable to connect with the opposite sex on a meaningful and powerful level. The perceived notion is that being ‘cool’ is omni important, and being nice to a female compromises a guy’s stature at being cool. More than likely this comes from the perception of peers, since healthy women will be repelled by this attitude.

Unfortunately, a lot of the boys in this group grow into men with these misconceptions and fail to examine their own behavior, often blaming the woman for any lack of connection, communication or understanding. This is part of the foundation of a lot of unacceptable Bad Boy behavior, and while all the sexual allure stays intact, ultimately this fellow gets labeled as complete emotional trouble, and should be avoided at all costs. 

Nice Guys will do whatever is necessary to acquire a Bad Boy persona, but the Bad Boys who behave poorly will almost never be interested in the Nice Guy characteristics.

Hopefully you begin to see the importance of the balance between Good and Bad.

However, it is a balance, and next we'll look at the problems of being good all the time.....



Friday, December 5, 2014

What Women Really Want......

Although the subject of what a woman really wants in a man can be written about and discussed from now until doomsday, our focus is on one particular aspect within this subject. If you know this fact, and then learn how to become adept within it, well – I can assure you the women in your life will be very happy, and therefore you will be as well. And what is this great kernel of sensual knowledge?

Essentially, most women want Mr. Nice Guy to know how to look and act like a Bad Boy. They want a man who knows when its time to act like a gentleman and then knows when its time to be anything but. And yes, this usually means sensually and sexually. Many women desire a Bad Boy, but that hardly means they want a Loser in their lives, which most Bad Boys are. While women want the guy they’re intimately involved with to possess the characteristics of the sensitive, well-mannered good guy, those traits usually appeal to their common sense, and are not what sends their hearts and libidos racing.

As mentioned earlier, women really desire both the Nice Guy and the Bad Boy in the same package. Many men scratch their heads and don’t understand how they can want both a bad and a good guy. The important thing to know is that they are looking for this only in the physical realm or those areas of their psyche that stimulate the physical. They want the Bad Boy mostly in a sexual context, because this guy turns them on – the outlaw, the rebel, the guy who doesn’t follow the rules and does things his own way.

He may look rough, someone not to mess with, or not. Someone who presents an element of danger and risk that is many times thrilling to a woman. Of course, bringing this mythic figure into the chaotic world of male and female relations is daunting. Women don’t really want a dangerous guy in their lives, since physical safety is at the top of a woman’s priority list. Misbehaving Bad Boys that do not pick up the phone and call or display any other actions that show that a woman is valued and desired will always lead to misery. It is very important to recognize the distinction between a Bad Boy and a Good Bad Boy. One will receive adoration from women and the other will cause misery to them. If you have to think about which one is more suited to you, stop reading now, since you’re beyond redemption. The nice guys, with a new found sexual edge after reading all of this over time, will be finishing first.

So how does a Nice Guy learn how and when to be a Good Bad Boy? Ah, patience, grasshopper.......

Thursday, November 27, 2014

The Friendship Trap

There’s nothing wrong with acts of chivalry and kindness without expectation of recompense. However, if your initial efforts at trying to gain the favors of a fair maiden involve fixing machines, appliances, switches or other complicated broken things; offering to carry heavy objects, killing and disposing of various and sundry vermin, and so on, you're in trouble. You are essentially building a mammoth neon sign over your head that reads to her PLATONIC FRIEND – DO NOT TOUCH.

Again, this is assuming that she doesn’t have a big initial attraction to you. The only sure way to know that a woman is attracted to you is that it has been communicated to you in a very clear manner. However it is broadcast to you, be it through actions or words, they should be crystal clear so even the geekiest organic chemist will know. “Hey, she was smiling at me, and looking me in the eyes...a lot!” Anything short of this shall be interpreted as Friends Only!

In case you’ve somehow gotten this far in life without knowing what platonic entails, in essence it means non-physical, which put in male terms reads No Sex For You, Pal. Your early involvement with her has been a task oriented one having nothing to do with romance. So, my friend, you have set that course. Don’t blame any woman later for leading you on, taking advantage of you or any other ego driven nonsense in an effort to salve your wounded pride. You were the one who got the ball rolling in this direction. She never expressed any attraction towards you, correct? Any woman can find a handyman in the Yellow Pages, finding a guy that can sweep her off her feet and take her breath away is a lot more challenging.

Essentially, by sending out the message that you’re a nice guy and that you’re willing to do favors for a woman, guess what? They will be more than happy to oblige your wishes. Why not? You’ve communicated to her that it’s fine to take that course. Women are quite sharp, but they can’t read your mind. By failing to effectively communicate your hopes, wishes and desires, you’ve now dug yourself into the Platonic Grave, and rest assured, there is little hope of ever getting out of it.

The problem here is that Mr. Nice Guy has taken the lead role. He has his place, and it’s an important one, but on the journey to being a Good Bad Boy, it is essential for one to know when its time for Mr. Nice Guy and when the Good Bad Boy steps in to take over. They are to co-exist, dependent on each other, but like a good team, will not interfere with the other’s area of expertise. Those defined areas will become clearer later on.

For now, you need to learn a lot more about women.

Sunday, November 23, 2014

More on Emotional Safety......

If you’re still skeptical, simply try it the Good Bad Boy way next time. If you're unsatisfied with how you feel afterwards, you can return to your old beliefs that have lead to your present frustrated state and continue to do it your way. Your transformation must come from the inside. Assuming you’re now truly free of expectation, you don’t feel a lack or loss when nothing has happened.

You’ve done a selfless, kind act and asked or expected nothing in return. You feel better, and it reflects to others around you. Women are very sensitive and intuitive and will pick up on this, and will be much more attracted to you because of it. They love guys with this attitude. Do kind and selfless deeds without any expectation. Doing them anonymously is even better; it’s a higher evolution of this concept.

Remember, it’s about how you feel on the inside, and this will make you feel better about yourself. Every Good Bad Boy feels great about who he is on the inside, and this concept is only a small part of the bigger picture.

The importance of this all goes back to a woman’s emotional safety. If she knows you’re doing all manner of things for her without any expectation from it, that you have no ulterior motives, she will be much more likely to trust you and desire being closer to you. This may or may not manifest in any physical activity, but be assured that if there is any kissing, or more, that’s going to happen, it will only be if she reaches this comfort level with you.

Of course, all of this assumes that she has a physical attraction for you. Sorry fellas, I’m going to have to state the obvious on occasion, since most of you seem to miss it so often. If she's not attracted to you, then that's that. Too many guys go blundering through a red light that a woman has put up showing there's no physical interest. Be a man and get over it, there are plenty of other great women out there. Of course, you were already detached from any specific outcome, so you still feel great about yourself, and no harm done - RIGHT? If you still feel a sting, or big disappointment, you were hiding an agenda. Being honest with yourself is crucial to building trust with women, and everyone else.

Nice Guys get completely lost on the way to that important First Kiss. Worse yet, they only realize they’ve been on the less scenic Road to Platonic Friendship far too late for them to get back in the right direction.

Let's make sure you stay on the Focused Path to Good Bad Boy Enlightenment....

Saturday, November 15, 2014

Making A Woman Feel Safe Around You

First and foremost, the most important task for Mr. Nice Guy is having his words and deeds reach a point of consistency that a woman feels emotionally safe with him. Mind you, we're not talking about physical safety here. If that were an issue with you she would have sensed that quickly and have run in top speed in the opposite direction, stilettos notwithstanding.

The significance of emotional safety cannot be stressed enough. If a woman feels emotionally safe, then – with time, patience, effort and trust – her heart, mind, body and soul will be open and accessible. This is a fact of life between men and women that will not change, and unfortunately, most men completely miss this critical point.

This investment of time and effort will pay off handsomely later, and every accomplished Good Bad Boy knows this. Many times the Nice Guy will spend time with a woman being nice and attentive, but all the time and effort is focused on a sexual payoff somewhere down the road. This is a mentality that should always be avoided; if you can’t be kind and patient with a woman (or anyone, for that matter) simply for the sake of being that way, then you should forget everything you've already read here and return to your previous unconsciousness.

Anything short of this generous mindset is a ‘strings attached’ attitude, and a complete waste of your time. Simply put, it just isn’t nice, and women will view you as creepy – a term you are never to associate yourself with. You’re better off being dead than being a creep. If you depart this life now at least there will be some fond remembrance of you and sympathy for your loved ones. Creeps expire alone and forgotten. 

Let's take this from a different vantage point. If you’re a Nice Guy who’s been doing all sorts of favors and things for the cute girls in your life and hoping to get some physical attention because you’ve been such a ‘nice guy’, well, I have some bad news for you. Not only is there nothing nice about that attitude, it’s actually very unpleasant and manipulative. Having a 'no stings attached' attitude permeate across all your actions, regardless of who the other person is, will make you feel better about yourself, and others will recognize and respond to that. And yes, women will pick up on this, and you will be much more attractive to them.

So, if you can’t do a favor for an attractive woman without expectation of anything in return, then don’t do it at all. Good Bad Boys know that doing kind deeds across the board, without the anticipation of some sort of payoff, is the only route to Good Bad Boy Enlightenment. Besides, the real secret is that a truly kind individual who gives freely without expectation of anything in return is much more likely to get what he wants. I’m not talking of Porsches and swimming pools here, this is about engaging the women in your life on an intimate level you’ve only dreamed of.

Friday, November 7, 2014

More on Getting a Woman's Attention

If, as Good Bad Boys do, you take the path that most other men do not, you will recognize the value of getting a woman's attention and understand the time and effort that will be involved in obtaining  it. Nothing of great value is easily obtained, and this is no exception.

This is hardly a problem, since a key part of evolving as a Good Bad Boy is the journey getting there, and what an enjoyable journey it will be! Do not, as most men do, simply sexualize a woman when you first meet her, sizing her up as a sexual partner, looking her over as if she's roast beef to be purchased at the deli counter. This sounds harsh, but I'm sure there are thousands of woman out there that would be nodding their heads in remembrance of experiencing that particular unpleasantness.

Many men have the potential for great sexual confidence, which will spill out to greater confidence in many other aspects of their lives. Women find confidence in a man attractive, and they find a man that has confidence when it comes to women extremely attractive.  However, they are flummoxed as to how to access it.

If you cannot bridge these two areas, you will always be a nice guy in her mind, someone to rely on, a guy friend she can confide in, and a good friend. These are death scenarios for a Good Bad Boy. The last thing you want is a wonderful, beautiful woman that you're dying to connect with think of you in the same manner as her girlfriends. She will never surrender her heart, mind and body to you. That she will only do to someone who knows how and when to be a Bad Boy, yet be a good man who knows how to make her feel safe.

Of course you're now wondering 'How does one make a woman feel safe'? Well, that may take some time......