Tuesday, March 29, 2016

Are You Listening?

The objective is to become an accomplished listener, which is the other half of being a good communicator.  If you only talk and don’t listen, you’re a blowhard, no matter how clever your words are.   Listening leads to knowing the person you’re communicating with, and knowing each other is vital to mutual attraction.  You may be in conversation with a supermodel, but if she starts talking about how the minorities in her part of town have become intolerable, your attraction to this person should melt as quickly as ice dropped onto the backyard barbeque.   

You’re now listening attentively and occasionally putting in a genuine comment or question, and you connect with what this woman is saying and the attraction is growing.  There is a caveat, however.  Since this level of conversation and getting to know each other is not a one-way street, be ready to have the spotlight turned onto you.  Asking her questions may seem difficult, but it pales in comparison to the terrifying moment when she asks ‘How does that make you feel?’

Monday, March 14, 2016

Why You're Clueless

Let’s be fair, most men never had any kind of an effective sexual mentor in their formative years to provide the elusive Rosetta Stone of Women. Some had an evolved sister or mother sit down and try to explain what relating with girls would be all about. While this may sound ideal, masculinity, not fostered at least partly by a male mentor, will flounder, as will this man’s efforts at engaging women in a confident manner.

Other unfortunate souls have suffered a time honored rite of passage - the oppressive ‘birds and bees’ talk with a Neanderthal Dad. Many times this talk trumpets the merits of being a “man’s man” and not to be too emotional or sensitive. Unfortunately, this could resurface years later in the form of emotional unavailability, lack of communication of feelings and other difficulties stemming from a general bewilderment on how to act around the female half of the population.

Worst of all is the “classroom on the corner,” where the collective sexual unconsciousness of the neighborhood boys conspire to thwart any possibility of evolving a young male’s sensual awareness to any healthy degree. Here all the rumors, innuendo, myths and urban legends involving girls that have been gleaned from media stereotypes have significant sway. Music videos, men's magazines, television and film, soft and hardcore pornographic magazines and videos as well as other sources continue to foster an unrealistic standard of women’s looks, appearance and sexuality.

With this as a source of sexual education, it’s easy to see where boys physically grow into men, yet often remain boys emotionally when it comes to dealing with their female counterparts.

So, where does a clueless guy go from here?