Wednesday, October 31, 2012

From The Top - Back to the Basics

I suppose I was a little too optimistic to expect that an unevolved male would understand the basics of listening the first time out. As a matter of fact, I've had some input from the female readership that I should comment on some very basic points that men often miss. Listening is a component of a bigger, very important aspect of being a Good Bad Boy. If you can't at least get a working practice of this aspect you are beyond hope. You must first learn to Be Polite .

It may seem lame and obvious to even bring this matter up, but apparently I've been getting feedback that there are a lot of uncivilized bears out there masquerading as single men on dates. I'm at least hopeful that under all the cynicism and frustration of dating and fumbling through the mazes of trying to understand women, you still know how to act like a gentleman

Sunday, October 28, 2012

Nothing More Than......Feelings......

Happily this is now one more thing guys don’t have to figure out about women, which frees up the already over burdened male mind to pursue more interesting matters. Just remember that if you are going to delve into another person’s feelings, you need a willingness to have yours examined as well, so be willing, ready and able to handle that, and you’ll have moved along significantly in your Good Bad Boy training.

Now, what is the intent of all this careful listening and sharing of feelings? Hopefully your automatic response wasn’t to get her into bed. You will get there, eventually, but the taking the less direct, more scenic route will be worth it.

The purpose of all this is the gaining the most treasured possession of a woman – her Trust.

However, as with most men, I don't think you were really listening closely to me, so we'll have to circle back to that first....

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

How Do You Feel Now, Pal?

‘How does that make you feel?’

Although this question usually is met by males with a dumbfounded, head scratching demeanor, there is a big incentive to respond to it, and respond to it in as honest and indisputable manner possible. This is another Big Truth that you need to recognize, memorize and never, ever forget - One of the main desires of many women is being with a man who can effectively share how he feels. Being students in the art of women, Good Bad Boys are well aware of how important it is to females that a man be willing and able to successfully communicate and share his feelings. A man who can be in touch with how he feels and shares that with a woman will gain her heart much more quickly than if he struggles with communicating them.

Please try to remember to not give responses to this query that tell her what you think, which is what most men will do. When asked a question like this, a Good Bad Boy is ready. He steps back and thinks of certain buzzwords--angry, happy, sad, lonely, irritated, depressed, contented, lost--emotional words, words that for most men might as well be written in hieroglyphics. This is a crucial time to remember the Good Bad Boy mantra--Think Less and Feel More. You can simply state that you’re sad, elaborate a little on why, and not say much more than. There is no need to justify or defend your feelings, they are not right or wrong, they are simply your feelings and they are legitimate. Women don’t have to have it explained to them, they already understand.

Sunday, October 21, 2012

And Listen Some More.......

While women have their similarities, a very sharp man will already know that women are snowflakes, each one of them unique; physically, mentally and emotionally. Listen to each woman as if it’s the first time you’ve listened to any woman, and never bring past assumptions or experiences with a woman to the table. Wipe the slate clean every time, this way it will always be a new experience. In asking a woman how she feels, you become a student, so take the frame of mind that you’re learning. The favorite subject of all Good Bad Boys is women, and they can never learn enough. Every Good Bad Boy is always a student and he never, under any circumstances, assumes he knows everything about women. That would be arrogant and egotistical, and taking this attitude will clear the room of all of the women you desire. If you disagree, you’re welcome to try it your way. I’m confident you’ll hate the results.

The objective here is to become an accomplished listener, which is the other half of being a good communicator. If you only talk, and don’t listen, you’re a blow hard, no matter how apt your words are. More importantly, listening leads to knowing the person you’re communicating with, and knowing each other is vitally important to mutual attraction. You may be in conversation with a super model look alike, but if she starts talking about how the homeless in her neighborhood have become intolerable, your attraction to this person should melt as quickly as ice dropped onto the backyard barbeque.

You’re now listening attentively and learning about this woman, and occasionally putting in a genuine comment or question, and you connect with what this woman is saying and the attraction is growing. There is a caveat, however. Since this level of conversation and getting to know each other is not a one-way street, be ready to have the spotlight turned onto you. Asking her questions may seem difficult, but it pales in comparison to the terrifying moment when she asks -

‘How does that make YOU feel?’

Thursday, October 18, 2012

You Better Keep Listening.......

Up to this point, you’ve only been lobbing back verbal volleys in regard to her particular dilemma du jour. There are two types of questions you can now ask, each from different sides of the brain. You can ask nuts and bolts questions, like ‘Why didn’t your boss speak to you about the reorganization?’ or other male-type questions that essentially ask ‘What do you think about that?’ The other more provocative and difficult, yet ultimately rewarding choice is to ask her ‘How does that make you feel?’

This line of questioning and thinking is much more in the realm of the female, so likely you will get a protracted response. Stay focused, keep listening and offer supportive rejoinders here and there, but don’t overdo it. Remember, a woman often times simply wants to know you’re listening and that you care. If she wants you to solve the problem for her, she will ask you directly to do it. Besides, we've already arrested that bothersome male trait a few posts back.....right?

Since asking a woman how she feels can be a bit of a roller coaster ride for a lot of guys, its important to step back for a moment and remember the bigger picture. You’re trying to become a Good Bad Boy, and they always listen attentively to a woman, because they will learn more about her, and in doing so, will know how to proceed with her.

Thursday, October 11, 2012

And Ask Again......

You may now be thinking this is all terrific, but how does one actually do this? Well, with anything else, the more you practice the better you get at it, although there are a vast number of high handicap golfers out there that will argue that statement. Regardless, you still have to start somewhere, and here’s a suggestion.

The next time you’re having a conversation with a woman and are trying to practice Good Bad Boy techniques, listen carefully and follow her lead. If she’s complaining about work, be sympathetic and agree with her about what a lousy boss she has, how unfair the work load is, how her company doesn’t realize what a prize employee they have on their hands, and so on.

Of course, this shouldn’t be just lip service; you should listen to her and mean it! A woman will sense insincerity and then you’ll really be in trouble. The important aspect to realize is that you need restraint, however, this does not give you license to use lame monosyllabic responses like ‘Gee’, ‘Huh’, 'Damn', ‘Wow' or ‘Sure’.

Don’t underestimate how important compassion is. A decent, evolved woman will value compassion and kindness greatly, and showing that you genuinely care about her will make you much more irresistible. Of course, women are far more complex than we males, so it’s going to take much more than that garner their complete adulation.

Learning what to ask about is where the next skill level lies....

Monday, October 8, 2012

Keep Asking.....

By asking questions, I’m not suggesting you ask about the news, sports or weather. One commonality to all Good Bad Boys is that they recognize opportunities to unlock the doors that separate men and women and become closer to them. This is absolutely one of those occasions, and you must use it wisely. Show a genuine interest in what she is saying, and try to ask questions that reflect that.

Being a red-blooded male, you’re more focused on what’s going on below her neck than above, but if you really show concern about the travails of her cat -- and mean it -- she’ll end up in your arms sooner anyway. Besides, you’ll be out of your own head and exploring her world, and that will attract you to her, and vice versa, in a more meaningful and powerful way than anything you can cook up left to your own primal devices.

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Question, You Ask?

Now that you’ve managed to corral the bothersome instinct of offering your unsolicited advice, there is the enormous, gaping void left from its absence. We’ve now removed a popular -- with men at least -- tenet on how to behave around women, and there is this big empty space left. Being guys, we’re compelled to correct the situation, fill it with something – anything - regardless of it's lack of value to our self worth.

Luckily, this is another wonderful opportunity to fill it with Good Bad Boy practices and wisdom. You’ve been accustomed all this time in your dealings with women to chime in uninvited with what you felt was insight and understanding. Now that you’re aware of what a deadly gaffe that is, we’re going to turn it completely around and into your favor. Keeping with the theme of paradoxes, you are now going to do something that is totally contrary, that fights against every cell and drop of testosterone that is coursing through that male vessel of yours. You are now going to Ask Questions.

Monday, October 1, 2012

Still Listening?

If a woman is confiding to you about herself and the things in her life and that all too familiar male urge to give your opinion or try to ‘fix’ the situation starts to come over you, do everything within your power to stifle it. Bite your tongue, smile politely, think about baseball, nod your head, excuse yourself to the bathroom so you can regain composure and remind yourself not to think.

Do anything and everything you can to kill that impulse. If you lose this tendency, you will automatically become much more attractive to women. You’re acknowledging their words and thoughts and giving them weight and consideration.

Women have to live in a man’s world, so you can do your part here. Really listening to a woman, and not offering your unsolicited advice, is something they’re not used to from most men, so it will set you apart, and make you more special to them.

Now that you're listening more, it's time to work on your communication skills....