Sunday, October 27, 2013

Timing and Taming Desire...

This is someone you enjoy being with, and want to continue seeing, and get to know more intimately – you shouldn’t even be at this point if this is not the case.  So, respect, honesty and caring are in order right now.  You may want to take the next step and be sexual with this woman – assuming she’s ready for that with you, but you still want to keep your options open.
Many, many men have this huge fear that if they tell a woman that they want to be physically involved with her, but you’re not ready for full blown commitment, or you don’t want to have strings attached, that women will flip out, be hurt, and you’ll be shown the door, and you will have been a Loser/Bad Guy.  The only way someone gets hurt is if you don’t honestly state your intentions.  Again, Good Bad Boys work from the inside out, and are true to themselves.  One of the biggest revelations I had with women was when I communicated for the first time that I wanted to have sex with someone I had just started seeing, yet I still wanted to keep things open.  Not only was she fine with it, it is how she wanted to have things as well.  She appreciated the honesty; it wasn’t something she experienced before, and all the pressure was off and we could enjoy ourselves.  The important aspect is how you go about it. 
           Assuming that you’ve encountered no red lights from her at this point and there is a lot of heavy breathing and clothes are starting to come undone, you can slowly stop, pull back, look her in the eyes as you let her know what you are bringing to the table. If you’re going the ‘no strings attached’ route, just let her know how much she excites you and that you want to take her to your bedroom.  She may not hesitate for a moment, or she may balk, wanting to feel a bit safer.  Let her know that it’s not the time and place for a big ‘relationship talk’, but you do want to connect with her on a physical and sexual level. 

           You add that you are willing to let the situation go wherever it’s supposed to go, which includes commitment.  There are no rules or expectations, just let nature take its course. Don’t get into a big talk fest or discussion, you will kill the excitement.  Just reiterate that while you are happy to go to bed with her, she is still free to go and live her life anyway she wishes without having to run it by you.  If you do say that, you must also insert a little self-deprecating humor, like saying ‘not that you needed my permission’ or something worded along those lines, and say it in a joking manner.  It will help the previous statement seem much less arrogant, lighten things up, and at this point you’ve acted in a responsible manner and are free to go to the bedroom, assuming of course, she’s on the same page with you. 

          It is very important to remember that women like sex just as much as men, and often want to pursue it, but they like anyone else do not want to feel like they are being used or taken advantage of.  If you give the impression that you’re only interested in sex, not only are you unlikely to get any, any Good Bad Boy will tell you that you don’t deserve it as well.  Desire the person, the rest will follow in its own time.    

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