Monday, February 11, 2013

Be Clear!

Being clear on who you desire not only makes your life much simpler, women will sense that clarity in you and will find it attractive.  While most men look outside themselves for the answer here, once again we’ll take the path of Bad Boy Enlightenment and look within. 

In seeking a compatible companion, it can be simple.  Start by thinking about the things--aspects, habits, ideologies, and so on that are important to you, and list them.  Then ponder the importance of these in a woman you’d like to date.  Here are a few areas to consider to get started:

  • Intelligence--When it comes to a woman that you’ve just met and are trying to know better, it seems that there is far more time focused on what’s going on from the neck down instead of what exists between her ears.  You may not need a woman to have a doctorate, but you should be honest with yourself if you’re going to feel intimidated by her if she’s very accomplished.   There should be an inner ease here on both sides, without anyone having to prove anything.  Be yourself and see if the minds mesh.  This is a very important, usually overlooked area, and many times the level of intellect goes hand in hand with level of imagination, experimentation, creativity, adventure and so on.   For better or worse, there is a vast range of intellect out there, and if your witty humor is not being appreciated, or you find your potential lover having to define words you’ve not heard before – assuming you’re comfortable enough with yourself to admit to her you don’t know the meaning – red flags should begin to fly. 
  • Looks – Need more be said?  This one is in the eye of the beholder.  Sure, it matters, but remember, it isn’t everything.  Sometimes beauty can blind you to characteristics that are far less pretty.  Attractiveness is more than looks, and someone who is truly beautiful is that way below the surface – sexiness is a state of mind and displayed in attitude and demeanor.  These are facts all Good Bad Boys know instinctively. 
  • Profession – What a woman does for a living will be of importance, because there is a wide range of different professions and responsibilities, and that means a wide range of characteristics to fulfill them.  A woman who is in administrative positions may likely have a very different personality than that of someone who is an executive, and consequently a more accomplished woman, at least in the professional sense, will many times be a stronger personality and more independent.  While men often claim that they desire an independent, professionally accomplished woman, once they become involved, they then have great difficulty with her commitment to her work and busy schedule, her unavailability, and complain how they are not getting the attention they want.  You can’t have it both ways, so be clear on what your preferences are in this area, otherwise everyone will end up highly unsatisfied.
  • Political /Ideological – Maybe it doesn’t matter to you that you’re conservative and someone you’re dating is liberal.  Maybe it does, but considering it and what it means could be important.  A difference in political leanings doesn’t have to effect a connection between you and a woman unless you choose to let it be an issue.  If there is enough common ground on other ideologies that can be used as a bridge to join the two of you as opposed to focusing on one single aspect and using that as a wall.  Of course, in simple dating, a subject area such as this one is less important than chemistry, but you probably would want to know if you’re trying to seduce a member of some extremely left or right wing organization so you could act accordingly, such as taking the first opportunity to make a speedy exit – unless of course you happen to also belong to that extreme faction as well, and then you’ll have plenty to talk about!
  • Activities – Someone who shares an interest in doing the same things you do--hiking, sailing, motorcycling, road trips, playing or watching sports, and so on.  If you’re an outdoors person that loves to camp and hike in the mountains, and your new date’s idea of camping is staying at the Marriott instead of the Hilton – that’s right, red flags fly again. 
There are dozens more categories, but at this point it’s important you are clear on whom you are seeking.  If you jumped in your car in Boston and wanted to take a drive to Springfield, it would seem a straight shot down the Massachusetts Turnpike is in order.  However, that’s assuming you’re going to that Springfield.  You may, in fact, really want to travel to the one in Ohio or Illinois or even Missouri.  In each case, you’re going to have to know exactly where you’re going because each of them ultimately involves taking a different route, and some taking longer than others.   

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