A Most Important Balance

Any good relationship, whether it is a new, sexually charged casual encounter or a marriage of many years, requires a level of balance to exist over time. Giving and receiving is a key component of this balance. Any relationship where one of the parties gets far more attention than the other or is spending much more time tending to the needs of the other is unbalanced, dysfunctional and unhealthy. This is not to say that things should be equal every minute of every day, since people tend to sometimes be more inclined to give than receive and vice versa. However, over time, things should generally equal out, at least to acceptable levels for the man and the woman.

Now, let’s make some distinctions. There is a big difference between receiving and taking, and the difference is in the perception, actions and attitude of the recipient. Receiving involves recognition, gratitude, appreciation, kindness and consideration in regard to the other person’s efforts. Taking is simply emotional theft – seizing what that other person offers to you with little or no thought of thanks or appreciation. It’s obvious that taking is unkind and heartless, and those are characteristics that Good Bad Boys never associate themselves with. In a balanced equation between people, there will be a comparable level of giving and receiving. Allowing a more feminine side to emerge involves being able to effectively give and receive.

Dude, Where's My Feelings?

Throughout these chapters, there is discussion on specific characteristics and behaviors in men that women find very desirable. In addition, we’ve also discussed that dealing with women is fraught with contradictions and paradoxes. It is now time to venture further into territory that will initially baffle most males, but be assured, like the rest of the topics in this book, gaining some understanding of it will significantly increase your attractiveness to women. In an effort to become more circular we’re now going to examine how to access your feminine side.

It wouldn’t be surprising at the mention of that phrase that many of the male readers suddenly have all manner of internal alarms going off, all of which give the sense of an assault on their precious masculinity. This type of reaction is probably from the boy on the inside that hasn’t yet reached a mature comfort level with women, or for that matter, being clear on how to lead with his own sexuality. Dipping into the feminine side does not mean you now have the go-ahead to explode unprovoked into a petulant frenzy – the goal is being a man, not a whiny, ill-tempered little boy. No woman would accept that behavior unless she carried him around for nine months before he was born, and even then patience will be tested! Accessing your feminine side is simply an extension of some of the earlier discussion on being able to effectively communicate your feelings.

As with other challenges already discussed, much work is ahead for you.....

Now For What You REALLY Wanted For Christmas....

One over-simplified comparison of men and women is that men are linear and that women are circular. Men will often pass over refinement for taking the direct approach. Women are subtler, not necessarily traveling in a direct line from point A to point B, whether it’s in conversation or actually travelling on the road. Men love games that involve a stick or club hitting a ball, or games that involve getting an object into some opening of various sizes.

Women are generally mystified by this concept, preferring to engage in nesting, and making the physical, emotional and intellectual spaces in their lives as interesting as possible. Again, as a male and a slave to the testosterone in your body, you’ll never fully understand the idea of being circular, or shopping, for that matter. However, that doesn’t mean that you can’t step away a bit from being rigidly linear.

This doesn’t suggest that you’re suddenly going to go into a cold sweat when you find out the nearby designer shoe outlet is having a 70% off sale. The implication is learning how being more circular with a woman will benefit you.

The True Object Of A Woman's Desire.....

A real man is passionate. In olden tales he was valiant and easily faced danger. His heart is that of a lion, strong, wild yet loyal to those close to him. The daring, dashing, swashbuckling guy that maybe doesn’t have it all figured out, but knew where he stood with women because he understood and loved them. Women yearn for this man and want to be swept away by him.

However, our contemporary society produces a plentiful supply of boys but very few of these men. Today there are no longer standard, primordial rituals for boys to become men. The unfortunate consequence is many boys trying to act as men and failing, and many women heading towards resignation, the chances of finding this man becoming less and less.

Gain a woman’s trust and you’ve taken a giant step towards becoming this man. If you understand little else about women, understand that this is the type of man that many of them will turn themselves over to willingly once that precious trust is gained. It is an effort that all Good Bad Boys make and persevere through until they reach this goal, knowing how crucial it is in relation to everything that follows after it. From earlier posts you understand the importance of acquiring a woman’s deep trust.

Now it is time to move on to the next area in our probing of the female consciousness....

Feeling It, Man.....

A real man will cry without hesitation, and laugh until he can’t breathe. Boys don’t show how they feel; men are proud of their feelings and know the importance and significance of them. This is accessing your feminine side, and women will instinctively be drawn to you because of it.

Of course, this means being at a level of comfort with who you are that expressing how you feel matters much more than what people will think of you. As expressed earlier, Good Bad Boys express themselves from the inside out - they do not let what people think or what they might do or say affect their course.

Learning how not to travel in a straight line from A to B will prove very useful here.....

Feeling Your Way Through.....

We’ve already touched on one of the basic foundations of being more circular and accessing the feminine side - that being the ability to effectively express your feelings. Too often men have been taught that expressing their feelings is a sign of weakness, and this is quite unfortunate.

Nothing could be further from the truth, at least from the view of women that I’ve known. Although sometimes it was not easy for me, the times where I was able to communicate through deep sadness or high elation how I felt to a woman, it helped forge a very strong emotional bridge between us. My upbringing as a male in this society has made it more challenging to easily communicate in this regard, being shown that acting more unemotional is more masculine. If you don’t know this already, take the following to heart – effectively showing and expressing how you feel is a sign of strength, not weakness.

Further Along The Path....

If there are a lack of hunters, the herd gets too numerous, and the land cannot support them, suffers overuse and the herd overpopulates and can’t sustain itself. Striking a balance allows for equilibrium between you and other women; an essential balance that has many layers. I refer to it as the Circle of Giving and Receiving.

At first glance, many may think that this circle is simply an equalization of what one offers versus what one takes in from others. However, since it involves the universe of women, there are numerous dimensions involved, and a look further into what exactly giving and receiving actually involves is necessary.

The Circular Path - The Beginning

Now that you have a grasp of how important the concept of expressing your feelings is, we’ll move to the next level. The next important principal in harmonizing your masculine and feminine sides is learning about the balance between giving and receiving.

On the surface, giving and receiving seems simple enough, but be assured that it is quite challenging. This is a highly important area as far as being clear on who you are inside and then translating those feelings and instincts into actions that go out into the world around you. Once again – Think Less and Feel More.

Step back and take a look at the outside world for a moment. The ultimate authority in Nature is balance. The size of a herd of animals is balanced against what the land can provide it and the predators that hunt the herd. If any of these elements goes out of balance, the other elements are thrown off as well. If there is not enough food for a herd off the land, the group suffers loss and the predators have less for their own and they suffer as well.

Still Building Trust.......

Building trust is a process you can control only in respect to your actions, which includes what you say. This is where a nod from Mr. Nice Guy is in order – follow his lead in terms of being respectful and kind, but also keep a vigilant watch on the times to step in and be a Good Bad Boy. Throughout the text we refer to the desired persona to that of being a Good Bad Boy, but in reality, the only part about all of this being a boy is in the name only. One of the biggest goals here is that when in the company of woman, your words, deeds and action are that of a confident, poised Man.

When the Good Bad Boy and Mr. Nice Guy are put side by side and interact in the proper manner, leading with their strengths, then we have the type of man that in our hearts we want to become, and the man that many, many women really desire. This is a vital notion, because in regard to trust, a woman will be more than happy to play with a sexy boy, but she will only surrender her heart and soul – and trust - to a man who is genuine and authentic.

Becoming an authentic Man is no easy feat. As with everything else, time, patience and perseverance are essential. While this may be work, the rewards will stay with you a lifetime.

Todd Rundgren stated it very clearly in the 1970's -

Forget about bad feelings and be a Real Man.....

Trust Me. Part II

Here’s another saying to consider – Building trust is simple, but it is not easy. Again, another paradox, although this one is not limited to the female realm.

Building trust is simple - you need only be honest, open, communicative, kind and consistent for starters. Sounds simple(!), but when you add in patience, which means you’ll have to do all this over a period of time, and then it becomes more challenging. Remember that without trust, you will never reach that special place in a woman’s soul and body that belongs to a cherished lover.

Again, you’ll have to become adept at subtlety. Being honest doesn’t mean you get to tell a woman exactly what you think about what she’s wearing, her new haircut - which you probably didn’t notice anyway - how she coddles her pet and so forth.

If you can’t be honest without being thoughtful and caring, then you are to keep your mouth shut – no exceptions. Kindness will get you much further than brutal, unadulterated honesty. This is not an invitation for dishonest actions, just be subtle and a little clever.

Trust Me. Seriously.

Surely you've pondered what is the intent of all this careful listening and sharing of feelings, polite and gentlemanly behavior and so on? Hopefully your automatic response wasn’t to get the woman you've just met into bed. You will get there, eventually, but the taking the less direct, more scenic route will be worth it.

The purpose of all this is the gaining the most treasured possession of a woman – her Trust.

Trust was touched upon earlier, but it needs closer scrutiny at this point. Gaining trust is about you having integrity, and that integrity is built on your words and your actions. It is possible for you to bed a woman without her complete trust, if that is all you truly seek. However, you will miss the real treasures that women will offer, and more importantly, you will never be a Good Bad Boy. Without trust you will never gain a foothold in a woman’s heart, hence she will never adore you. Sure, she may think you hot, but that’s what she thinks, not how she feels. Good Bad Boys will never settle for just this, they know the value of being treasured in a woman’s heart and attaining a permanent place there that belongs only to them.

Building trust is the only way to get there.

A FREE Holiday Gift to you.....

A Special Holiday Gift - This Weekend only you'll be able to download the eReader version for FREE! Spread the word and cheer!

Go to:
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Happy Holidays!

Are You Sure - Of Yourself?

Part of the problem is societal; men have been given very mixed messages for the past 45 years. Being aggressive or dominant with a woman in matters of romance has been 'politically incorrect' for quite some time.

The bad news is, the evolved women out there that are very much in tune with their sexuality are waiting for a man that is so sure of himself that he doesn't succumb to the mores or whims of society.

He acts from within, from a place of authenticity. He is the strong, romantic, swashbuckling man, ready to seduce the beautiful maiden when the moment presents itself. It sounds so simple - but until a man realizes just how to behave in a manner that will really make him the object of desire in a woman's eyes - he will flounder in the Dating Seas forever. It is time to finally understand how to negotiate these treacherous waters....

Getting the Attention of Beautiful, Sexy Women....

Why nice guys finish last.......

You're a nice guy; a decent guy. You were taught to respect women and you make every effort to do so. You show up on time; since being late is discourteous and sends a message to a woman that you’re indifferent, or worse, don’t really care about her. Politeness is something that you practice with a religious fervor, since being rude will never be well received by any woman.

Inherently, you’re very patient with the women in your life, knowing they are more sensitive than you and are subject to emotional highs and lows that are sometimes beyond their control. Aware of this, you understand these situations, almost to a fault. All in all, you’ve tried your hardest to become reliable, available and basically ‘be there’ when women have needed you.

So, why is it that when you try to segue from being Mr. Nice Guy to engaging a woman on a more physical and sexual level, complete and utter failure is instead your companion every time?

Turn Off the Projector, Please.......

Projection is also ugly. Any woman would feel you had an expectation of sex if she discovered your fantasy projection, and you should consider her long gone if that happens. And rightly so. You've cheated both of you out of building up anticipation and stoking the fire of a realistic expectation.

Trust me, you are not that smart to know all the possibilities that could happen between you and another woman, so it's best to stay out of it altogether. Your job is to be the best Good Bad Boy you can become, and let her come to you. I can assure you, this will be much more satisfying than any sophomoric fantasy that courses through your imagination.

Remember, a woman wants to feel unique, treasured, valued and honored. You do this by staying in the moment, and letting the electricity between the two of you build slowly through your actions and your words.

You rob a woman of that special journey by projecting, and she will never adore you unless you take her on that trip. Let it happen on its own, it will be much more special built moment to moment than prefabricated in the limitations of you mind.

It's true; your mind is a very dangerous neighborhood you should never visit by yourself......

What Were You Expecting....?

The male mind, when presented with any possibility of fun, frolic or potential profit, is held at bay about as easily as a thoroughbred chomping at the bit in the gate moments before the starting bell. The faintest whiff of potential intimacy with a female and a fellow already has the whole scenario mapped out in his mind. Any male who tells you he's never done this is a flat out liar, including myself.

While playing out a fantasy scenario in your mind might seem like fun while you're doing it, you would well advised to keep that unlikely set of events right there in your head. I'm willing to bet that the amount of fantasy scenarios that you cooked up in your head that actually came true is probably somewhere between slim and none. Additionally, not only is all that mental energy wasted on something that likely will ever happen, you've probably not considered the amount of potential and permanent damage you could do to every encounter with the opposite sex.

This lousy tendency is better known as Projection. Consider this to be in the top five habits to always avoid when interacting with women. There's many reasons why this is, and following are a few examples.

Firstly, no one likes to feel they are being taken for granted. If you've already mapped out how a woman is going to act around you sexually and the whys and wherefores of all the aspects of your encounter, you've dismissed anything she has to say or how she feels about anything. You don't even know this woman yet, but that hasn't stopped you from flying down the road thinking what it all will feel like when she's finally undressed. Good Bad Boys avoid this mindset at all costs, and frankly resent it, since it gives all guys a bad name and makes their goals that much harder to attain.

Additionally, it's a very selfish and uninspired way to think, it's what a boy would do. Your goal here is to become a confident MAN.

Hopeful Expectations.....

The difficulty is, most people confuse Hope with Expectation. This is a common error made by many people, but a Good Bad Boy is well aware of the important distinction between the two. Hope can be viewed as looking forward to a happening, be it meeting another person for the first time or simply going to a movie. What is important to remember when you are in hope mode, you are completely detached from the outcome of what happens. When you approach any situation with expectations, you are hanging your hopes on a specific outcome, and much more often than not, that outcome doesn’t pan out. Expectation is completely tied to a specific situation having a specific outcome, and by limiting the world and the experiences it has to offer offer to that tiny, tiny target you want it all to hit – well, it’s easy to see why this all leads to Disappointment. But more on that unhappy topic later.

By completely detaching from the outcome of any situation or encounter, you keep Hope intact. More importantly, you allow the possibility of outcomes that you never would have anticipated if your held your happiness hostage to a specific result. You may think yourself a smart, clever person, but to think that you can cover all the possibilities that the universe may throw at you for any given situation is pure hubris. Why not take yourself out of the whole equation and let what's supposed to happen - just simply happen? You relieve yourself of all the wasted thinking about what might be, and allow for the possibility to be pleasantly surprised by what the world has to offer to you. You just need to get out of the way and let it happen.

By getting out of the way, you allow for a freer flow of circumstances. You've not pinned all your happiness to a very narrow, specific and very unlikely scope of an outcome. Let what's supposed to happen happen, Good Bad Boys just be themselves and get out of the way of The Fates. You would be wise to do the same.

This opens up a wide arena of counting on your emotions and getting out of your head, and follow the lead of the females that we all love so much. Unfortunately it will not be easy. However, if you are truly detached from the outcome of what is supposed to happen, you can sit across from an unbelievably sexy and beautiful woman, and not have your mind stray. You will be able to look her in the eyes and not have your eyes wander to other parts of her physique. You will be engaged in conversation and genuinely interested in knowing her more, and not even thinking about what sex might be like with her.

Yes, you're correct. You're not even close to being ready for that. We have so much more work to do........

Hope This Helps.....

As a male, or anyone for that matter, approaching any new encounter with the opposite sex is fraught with potential missteps. This new woman you’re meeting is a blond, and who could forget the problems you had with the last blond you tried to be intimate with. All the redheads you’ve met are either crazy or completely aloof. And on it goes, myths and legends that are completely without merit and add to the noise of a world already too lousy with useless information. As mentioned earlier, you must wipe the slate clean when it’s time for a new encounter, all of your negative past experiences must go away. That doesn’t mean you should forget any lessons you’ve learned from painful experiences, the knowledge is important. Carry forward the information, not the emotions that surround it. The key to being able to approach any new meeting with the opposite sex is that you must retain a healthy level of Hope.

Hope is a very important component to anyone’s life, and one should always maintain a good level of it. It is normal and healthy to have hopes, wishes and desires. When the tank runs dry on hope, life becomes much harder to live and is quite unpleasant, as many people, including myself, have experienced somewhere in their lifetime. Hope helps move you forward, helps bring the anticipation of a magic moment to fruition, and in general is the most important fuel that is running the engine of your life. One always needs something good to look forward to, that there will be something or someone that will expand your life experience.

Who Are You?

I always love using the line when describing myself 'I know when to be a gentleman, and I know when to be anything but.' This is a statement that can apply to any Good Bad Boy, but in the learning process of how to become one, being proficient at being a gentleman is essential. And the very tricky part of it is not what you do, that will take care of itself later. We have to start with who you are.

We discussed earlier how women are like snowflakes and that every woman has qualities and aspects to her that are unique and belong to no one else. A gentleman approaches any new encounter with a woman with a special sense of wonder and excitement, like it's the first warm day to go out and play after a long winter. Any past baggage or assumptions that are brought to a new encounter will hamstring you completely. You have to learn to wipe the slate clean, and make this woman feel like she's the first one you've ever met.

Now, that will take some practice.....

Time to Be a Gentleman

For better or worse, it takes time to become a gentleman, and if there's any hope of becoming a Good Bad Boy, you must realize that at the core of every Good Bad Boy is a true gentleman. this is a person who truly loves and understands women - at least as much as any man will be able to. No straight man will ever unlock all the mysteries womanhood, and that's a good thing. We always want more to discover when it comes to women. It would be a sad day indeed if there was nothing more to find out, and that applies to people in general.

So, at the core of a gentleman is someone kind and caring. Yes, I know many of you have girded your loins and armored yourselves emotionally for the Battle Between the Sexes. However, there is no need for that. At the very core, women are won over on kindness, caring and consideration. These elements are must haves on the list of qualities you are going to bring to the table. Remember, who you are is what matters, what you do is secondary to an evolved woman, unless of course the two meld together in a very interesting way.

Shut Up and Be a Gentleman

I suppose the fact that being polite is so basic and easy is that most men either take it for granted or worse, forget about it completely. Remember, a key motivation in your actions as a Good Bad Boy is to separate yourself from the wandering herd of unwashed cattle out there known as single men.

Simply, be a gentleman. Smile and look here in the eyes, but do not stare intensely or act weird. Be attentive, listen and respond genuinely to what she says. Don't talk too much. Almost all men talk too much, and I have to bust myself on that one as well. It's a nervous reaction, but relax and be yourself. Women are usually much more charmed with your little faults than they are impressed with your accomplishments.

 

Ask her about whom she is, not what she does, and make sure you understand the difference between the two. Make sure when you do talk, discuss who you are, not where you work. Interesting, beautiful women have heard all the accomplishments in the world from all those successful guys that can't get an appropriate date. Be gentle in your words and deliberate in your touch - and don't touch too soon, grabby paws. Make a beautiful impression, and have her think about you long after you've left. That is always the goal of a Good Bad Boy with a first encounter of a woman he wants to know better. Give her what she desires at first, and let her run with it.

Ah well, I fear learning to be a gentleman may take a little more than this one hopeful posting....

Be Polite - DAMMIT!

Being polite is very simple. The easiest way to be polite is to stop all that useless thinking that has been going on to this point, and pay attention. While many may groan at the notion of opening a door or offering any kind assistance to a woman, regardless of whether she needs it or not, the effort you make is what will gain you notice. Show that you are attentive. Yes, that means you have to pay attention. That also means you have to be aware of what's going on around you. In other words, stop running scenarios through your head or whatever other dopey activity is going on up there in regard to women and become present in the moment you are living - now! Forget all about what's happened before or what you're cooking up for what might be (it never works out that way anyway). Maybe we should play some poker for a moment.

With poker, you must play the cards you are dealt, unless you're a master at bluffing. In relating with women, bluffing is out of the question, you are learning to be a Good Bad Boy which entails being true to yourself and proud of it. Trying to make a pair of deuces sound like a Full House often comes up short in poker, and it always will be called in dating. If you get a great hand, be grateful and play it carefully. If you are dealt lousy cards, throw them in, there will be more cards soon.

And this relates to women, how? If you are polite, pay attention, LISTEN and make a connection with a lovely women, you've just been dealt three Aces. If you act like a gentleman yet there is still no chemistry, throw in the cards. Don't over think this, or anything else for that matter.

From The Top - Back to the Basics

I suppose I was a little too optimistic to expect that an unevolved male would understand the basics of listening the first time out. As a matter of fact, I've had some input from the female readership that I should comment on some very basic points that men often miss. Listening is a component of a bigger, very important aspect of being a Good Bad Boy. If you can't at least get a working practice of this aspect you are beyond hope. You must first learn to Be Polite .

It may seem lame and obvious to even bring this matter up, but apparently I've been getting feedback that there are a lot of uncivilized bears out there masquerading as single men on dates. I'm at least hopeful that under all the cynicism and frustration of dating and fumbling through the mazes of trying to understand women, you still know how to act like a gentleman

Nothing More Than......Feelings......

Happily this is now one more thing guys don’t have to figure out about women, which frees up the already over burdened male mind to pursue more interesting matters. Just remember that if you are going to delve into another person’s feelings, you need a willingness to have yours examined as well, so be willing, ready and able to handle that, and you’ll have moved along significantly in your Good Bad Boy training.

Now, what is the intent of all this careful listening and sharing of feelings? Hopefully your automatic response wasn’t to get her into bed. You will get there, eventually, but the taking the less direct, more scenic route will be worth it.

The purpose of all this is the gaining the most treasured possession of a woman – her Trust.

However, as with most men, I don't think you were really listening closely to me, so we'll have to circle back to that first....

How Do You Feel Now, Pal?

‘How does that make you feel?’

Although this question usually is met by males with a dumbfounded, head scratching demeanor, there is a big incentive to respond to it, and respond to it in as honest and indisputable manner possible. This is another Big Truth that you need to recognize, memorize and never, ever forget - One of the main desires of many women is being with a man who can effectively share how he feels. Being students in the art of women, Good Bad Boys are well aware of how important it is to females that a man be willing and able to successfully communicate and share his feelings. A man who can be in touch with how he feels and shares that with a woman will gain her heart much more quickly than if he struggles with communicating them.

Please try to remember to not give responses to this query that tell her what you think, which is what most men will do. When asked a question like this, a Good Bad Boy is ready. He steps back and thinks of certain buzzwords--angry, happy, sad, lonely, irritated, depressed, contented, lost--emotional words, words that for most men might as well be written in hieroglyphics. This is a crucial time to remember the Good Bad Boy mantra--Think Less and Feel More. You can simply state that you’re sad, elaborate a little on why, and not say much more than. There is no need to justify or defend your feelings, they are not right or wrong, they are simply your feelings and they are legitimate. Women don’t have to have it explained to them, they already understand.

And Listen Some More.......

While women have their similarities, a very sharp man will already know that women are snowflakes, each one of them unique; physically, mentally and emotionally. Listen to each woman as if it’s the first time you’ve listened to any woman, and never bring past assumptions or experiences with a woman to the table. Wipe the slate clean every time, this way it will always be a new experience. In asking a woman how she feels, you become a student, so take the frame of mind that you’re learning. The favorite subject of all Good Bad Boys is women, and they can never learn enough. Every Good Bad Boy is always a student and he never, under any circumstances, assumes he knows everything about women. That would be arrogant and egotistical, and taking this attitude will clear the room of all of the women you desire. If you disagree, you’re welcome to try it your way. I’m confident you’ll hate the results.

The objective here is to become an accomplished listener, which is the other half of being a good communicator. If you only talk, and don’t listen, you’re a blow hard, no matter how apt your words are. More importantly, listening leads to knowing the person you’re communicating with, and knowing each other is vitally important to mutual attraction. You may be in conversation with a super model look alike, but if she starts talking about how the homeless in her neighborhood have become intolerable, your attraction to this person should melt as quickly as ice dropped onto the backyard barbeque.

You’re now listening attentively and learning about this woman, and occasionally putting in a genuine comment or question, and you connect with what this woman is saying and the attraction is growing. There is a caveat, however. Since this level of conversation and getting to know each other is not a one-way street, be ready to have the spotlight turned onto you. Asking her questions may seem difficult, but it pales in comparison to the terrifying moment when she asks -

‘How does that make YOU feel?’

You Better Keep Listening.......

Up to this point, you’ve only been lobbing back verbal volleys in regard to her particular dilemma du jour. There are two types of questions you can now ask, each from different sides of the brain. You can ask nuts and bolts questions, like ‘Why didn’t your boss speak to you about the reorganization?’ or other male-type questions that essentially ask ‘What do you think about that?’ The other more provocative and difficult, yet ultimately rewarding choice is to ask her ‘How does that make you feel?’

This line of questioning and thinking is much more in the realm of the female, so likely you will get a protracted response. Stay focused, keep listening and offer supportive rejoinders here and there, but don’t overdo it. Remember, a woman often times simply wants to know you’re listening and that you care. If she wants you to solve the problem for her, she will ask you directly to do it. Besides, we've already arrested that bothersome male trait a few posts back.....right?

Since asking a woman how she feels can be a bit of a roller coaster ride for a lot of guys, its important to step back for a moment and remember the bigger picture. You’re trying to become a Good Bad Boy, and they always listen attentively to a woman, because they will learn more about her, and in doing so, will know how to proceed with her.

And Ask Again......

You may now be thinking this is all terrific, but how does one actually do this? Well, with anything else, the more you practice the better you get at it, although there are a vast number of high handicap golfers out there that will argue that statement. Regardless, you still have to start somewhere, and here’s a suggestion.

The next time you’re having a conversation with a woman and are trying to practice Good Bad Boy techniques, listen carefully and follow her lead. If she’s complaining about work, be sympathetic and agree with her about what a lousy boss she has, how unfair the work load is, how her company doesn’t realize what a prize employee they have on their hands, and so on.

Of course, this shouldn’t be just lip service; you should listen to her and mean it! A woman will sense insincerity and then you’ll really be in trouble. The important aspect to realize is that you need restraint, however, this does not give you license to use lame monosyllabic responses like ‘Gee’, ‘Huh’, 'Damn', ‘Wow' or ‘Sure’.

Don’t underestimate how important compassion is. A decent, evolved woman will value compassion and kindness greatly, and showing that you genuinely care about her will make you much more irresistible. Of course, women are far more complex than we males, so it’s going to take much more than that garner their complete adulation.

Learning what to ask about is where the next skill level lies....

Keep Asking.....

By asking questions, I’m not suggesting you ask about the news, sports or weather. One commonality to all Good Bad Boys is that they recognize opportunities to unlock the doors that separate men and women and become closer to them. This is absolutely one of those occasions, and you must use it wisely. Show a genuine interest in what she is saying, and try to ask questions that reflect that.

Being a red-blooded male, you’re more focused on what’s going on below her neck than above, but if you really show concern about the travails of her cat -- and mean it -- she’ll end up in your arms sooner anyway. Besides, you’ll be out of your own head and exploring her world, and that will attract you to her, and vice versa, in a more meaningful and powerful way than anything you can cook up left to your own primal devices.

Question, You Ask?

Now that you’ve managed to corral the bothersome instinct of offering your unsolicited advice, there is the enormous, gaping void left from its absence. We’ve now removed a popular -- with men at least -- tenet on how to behave around women, and there is this big empty space left. Being guys, we’re compelled to correct the situation, fill it with something – anything - regardless of it's lack of value to our self worth.

Luckily, this is another wonderful opportunity to fill it with Good Bad Boy practices and wisdom. You’ve been accustomed all this time in your dealings with women to chime in uninvited with what you felt was insight and understanding. Now that you’re aware of what a deadly gaffe that is, we’re going to turn it completely around and into your favor. Keeping with the theme of paradoxes, you are now going to do something that is totally contrary, that fights against every cell and drop of testosterone that is coursing through that male vessel of yours. You are now going to Ask Questions.

Still Listening?

If a woman is confiding to you about herself and the things in her life and that all too familiar male urge to give your opinion or try to ‘fix’ the situation starts to come over you, do everything within your power to stifle it. Bite your tongue, smile politely, think about baseball, nod your head, excuse yourself to the bathroom so you can regain composure and remind yourself not to think.

Do anything and everything you can to kill that impulse. If you lose this tendency, you will automatically become much more attractive to women. You’re acknowledging their words and thoughts and giving them weight and consideration.

Women have to live in a man’s world, so you can do your part here. Really listening to a woman, and not offering your unsolicited advice, is something they’re not used to from most men, so it will set you apart, and make you more special to them.

Now that you're listening more, it's time to work on your communication skills....

Are You Listening??

The first, and most important item you should know, and etch this permanently into your brain as soon as possible, is that if you really want to become a Good Bad Boy, you have to learn how to Listen To Women.

Listening to other guys when you were a boy got you off on the wrong foot, and now its time to set you back in the right direction. If you learn nothing else here, please learn how to listen to women. If you do, you’ll take a great stride in lessening the gap between the sexes.

What this entails is not only listening, but hearing them as well. Yes, another nuance for you to comprehend and excel at right away. So many times women have expressed how men don’t listen to them. Good Bad Boys have no interest in being like the great unwashed and unenlightened hordes of other men out there, so they take the extra time and consideration to become great listeners, hearing a woman out, and offering support and, when it is requested-- and only then --offering their opinion or knowledge on whatever the topic of conversation is.

Learning How To Act Around Women - Part II

If you have even a modicum of sexual evolvement, you already know how much of a turn off it is to hear guys spew forth about their sexual exploits, or worse, their caveman opinion on women in general. And, it should go without saying that you should never – under any circumstances – boast about your past sexual experiences to a woman, unless of course never having sex with her is your goal.

Even if she asks you about it, assume a self-effacing attitude and politely side step any mention of your experiences, turning it back in a charming and playful manner by saying something like “Women didn't exist for me until I met you ” and leave it at that. If you’re a skilled lover, she already knows you’ve been around the block a number of times. Her imagining that you’ve been with a lot of women will potentially turn her on, thinking you’re a lovely, naughty Bad Boy, and now she’s captured your attentions. This will give her an important feeling of accomplishment, that's she's unique. You telling her you’ve been with a bunch of other girls will completely kill the illusion she’s created in her mind, make her feel diminished and unexceptional, as well as taking away her fantasy guy. Now you’re just another player who has completely turned her off. Learn this subtle but important distinction NOW!

Yes, another item on a long list of female mysteries. Remember, we’re in an exotic, exciting, but confusing foreign place now, and although subtlety is not a strong suit for most men, it is a highly prized commodity in the realm of women. The information in her mind is important, but it’s how it gets delivered there matters more. She wants to feel that’s she’s number one with you – whether you’re dating only her or five others – and you better do that if you want to spend time with this woman. Be a good poker player and don’t show your cards. Just a subtle hint here and there keeps the fire burning quite nicely.

Maybe learning to Listen will help...

Learning How to Act Around Women

Barring any serious psychological issues on your part, you’re probably like a lot of the nice guys out there in that pleasuring a woman is a priority, and that you feel good about doing it, and doing it well. If this hasn’t been important to you before, you’ll now have to make it one of your main goals or forego any hope of being truly adored by women.

Good Bad Boys have a quiet sense of pride in knowing that they are skillful lovers, and thoroughly enjoy bringing a woman as much pleasure as she can stand. They have many of the same competitive drives that most men have, however, in the arena of being a skillful seducer and love maker, they already know the secrets and keep it to themselves. Good Bad Boys don’t brag about their sexual activities, they’ve already been told by the women in their lives how special they are, and that is all that they want and need. They generally just smile patiently through any inane locker room type chatter that may be going on at the pinochle table or watching the football game, knowing the source is likely blowing a lot of gas and smoke.

But wait! There's more.....

Taking the Lead.....

The crucial distinction is that lead does not mean control, and it is vitally important for any man to understand this distinction if he is to attain Good Bad Boy status. Many women will state that they love a man who ‘takes charge’ or ‘takes control’, but these phrases refer to very specific situations, like knowing when to firmly take a woman and kiss her for the first, or hundredth time. Women really enjoy it when men plan a lovely evening out at a romantic restaurant, but that doesn’t mean he should tell her what or when she can eat.

So, it’s essential for a Good Bad Boy to know how to lead without taking control, and that’s only one of many conundrums that a guy will face with women. So, as I stated in an earlier post, you defer to Mr. Wilde’s infinite wisdom and forego trying to figure them out. What a Good Bad Boy will concern himself with is being an irresistible guy, and we’ll develop that in the postings to come. For now, we’ll concentrate on understanding women better, and that means thinking a whole lot less than before.

So, how are those dance steps coming?

Keep On Dancing......

Lets imagine a man taking a woman to the dance floor, and as they proceed, he tells her at every step and move what she should do, where to go, how he thinks she should move there, even though she is already skilled in the dance steps. This will quickly become a miserable experience for the woman, who would not be questioned for kicking this man in the groin for such actions. A woman would be understandably quite angry with this type of behavior, and at the time she storms off, this man would think, in a frustrated manner, “ But she said she wanted me to lead!”

Now consider the same man taking a woman onto the dance floor, leading her through the dance. He leads her as far as the structure of the dance with the music is concerned; he has his steps, and she has hers that juxtaposes with his. It is a balanced equation, a symmetry that flows naturally, and no words need be spoken to have it be so. A man, in this specific relationship, provides the blank canvas for the woman to fill with colors and definition. A man allows the space for the woman to fill with her creativity, style, manner and grace. It is lovely and sexy, and all of it done as a partnership.

But there's a very important distinction to still make......

So, You Think You Can Dance....

Many women love to dance, and many men, straight men that is, really aren’t that keen on it. By dance, I mean real dancing, like salsa, ballroom or swing, with prescribed steps that are followed to a considerable degree. What I’m not referring to is white boys flailing around on the dance club floor, looking as if a horde of fire ants have been dropped into their pants.

Most women love men who can dance properly, and men have scratched their heads as to why, just chalking it up to another of those endless mysteries about women. However, understanding this will give greater insight to the bigger picture....

Understanding Venutian - Part III

Women are very accomplished and have gotten quite far without the sage advice of a male on how to go about their business. Suffice it to say, the worst kind of advice is that of the unsolicited variety. Add to that the fact that most men don’t have a very good grasp of women anyway, and then you have some really useless information. Let’s proceed and find out how to love women, and not by trying to figure them out, leaving everyone much happier all around.

As previously mentioned, the world of women many times involves, at least from the male perspective, a steady flow of paradoxes and contradictions. The following maxim will help demonstrate this. A woman will happily desire a man who leads her, but will resent one who tells her what to do.

Now that I’ve lost 99.9% of the male reading audience, further illumination is necessary. Men, in their charmingly simplistic view, assume that if a woman wants him to take the lead that is a comprehensive invitation to advise and instruct on all matters and decisions in a woman’s life. Nothing could be further from the truth.

A trip to the dance floor may assist us in clarifying this line of thought. So, put on your dancing shoes....

Understanding Venutian -Part II

Oscar Wilde, as with many other subjects, summed up his view on women in a single phrase. He wrote, “Women are meant to be loved, not understood”, and the truth of this should not be underestimated. It’s probably not so ironic that a brilliant gay man was able to enlighten the rest of the male masses on how to handle the matter of relating with women. However, just parroting his well-chosen words will hardly gain you insight on the female condition. Deeper examination, and in essence, learning more is necessary before you can put aside this newly acquired knowledge and think less. It does sound contrary, but remember, we’re on a female planet now, and the frequency of seemingly conflicting concepts will multiply at an alarmingly rapid rate.

One exasperating trait of men to many women is the general tendency to survey problems and challenges on their own and then go about solving them in their own unique way. It could be that this is wired into the male DNA from the hunter/gatherer days, but some of the modern day consequences of this characteristic are poorly done home repair projects, lack of foresight in financial and retirement planning, and a complete aversion to road maps among many other unattractive peccadilloes.

The most egregious of these, however, is the male attribute that imagines that he has a new and brilliant insight to the way a woman may be running her life. While this is perfectly acceptable, arguably gallant, when it is requested of them, much more often than not these pearls of wisdom are ushered forth without any form of provocation or permission. Quite possibly this is a hangover from earlier societal roles where the male was almost exclusively the provider, but clearly women have evolved since those darker times.

Understanding Venutian...

For centuries it seems men have been racking their brains trying to figure out and understand women, and the sum total of the brain energy exerted on this topic would likely provide enough power to keep Cincinnati well lit for a few years.

Nowhere does our Bad Boy Mantra of Think Less and Feel More apply as aptly than on the perilous topic of understanding women. So, initially we’ll just have to purge all those previous notions of women that are now clouding your mind out into the air, where they will hopefully vaporize and not cause too much of a smog cloud.

Understanding Women - Continued

Once you have a better understanding of women, you will have much better instincts on timing, what to say, what to do and what is too much and what is not enough. It is not so much acquiring an encyclopedic knowledge of women in general, that would take thousands of pages and more time than any of us could possibly spend on the subject, enticing as it may be. You’ll just get to a place of knowing what you need to know and the rest will fall into place.

The first order of business is the realization that you will have to start viewing the world in a very different way. Time to take a very deep breath and step into the remarkable, quizzical and beautiful parallel universe where women exist.

Get ready to land on Venus.......

Introduction to Understanding Women...

One of the main reasons why you’re so enraptured by this blog is that you’re dying to figure out what it is that women really want. You now have more clarity on the kind of woman you are seeking out, instead of just hanging around at a club or party and reacting to whichever woman happens to respond to your ill-informed advances. However, you’re only part of the way to your desired destination. You may be clear on where you’re heading, but you have no clue what to do once you get there. You need to develop a Good Bad Boy understanding of women.

Think of it this way. You are embarking on a photo safari in Africa, and you’ve decided to pursue only elephants instead of lions. The clarity of choice is laudable, but you still have little understanding of how to do it without local assistance. Sure, you know what they look like and they travel in herds, eat a lot of vegetation and have to drink fifty gallons of water a day - well, maybe you didn’t know that. However, you have no idea of where they roam, when they eat and how they sleep or the 'whys' or 'hows' of any of their other behavioral traits. From your perspective right now women are wild animals – beautiful, wonderful to gaze upon, but dangerous to approach in any manner lest you get your heart or ego tattered.

You wouldn’t just walk up to an elephant in the wild and start snapping flash photos, unless you’re capable of running at world-class speed. Hence, a new understanding of women needs to wash over you in a flash flood manner – quickly and completely

Clarity & Patience Redux

Let's say there are 50 single women in your area in your desired age range. Now, lets assume you are very, very clear on what type of characteristics and attributes you are seeking from this group, and that will eliminate 90% of them. Of course, most men will wail like a soiled infant when they hear that percentage; but wait crybaby! That still leaves five women that meet your very precise, very specific menu. And while five may not seem a big number like 50, you will be hard pressed to date five women in any kind of short time frame.

If five still seems like a small number to you, you’re probably a serial dater and you should be required by law to announce that fact at the beginning of any first date so a woman has an opportunity to run for safety. Chances are very good that within that number, there is someone who really rings your bell. If you still can’t get arrested by romance after this, it may be time to consider missionary work abroad.

By being clear you maintain your way on the path of Bad Boy Enlightenment and going from your inside out to the rest of the dating world, you maintain your stature and power. You have given yourself clarity on the type of woman you would like to pursue and now you are bursting at the inseam to get out there and go after your new target audience. However, I would be remiss to allow you to unleash that newly charged male fury on an unsuspecting female population half-cocked, so to speak.

Why, you may ask?

Well, you really don't have a good understanding of women yet, do you......?

More Clarity, More Patience...

A lot of time will be saved and headaches avoided if you know what you want. By being clear you will recognize much more quickly those who you are compatible with and those you are not. Bear is mind, that as fabulous as you think you might be, you’re not everyone’s cup of tea, and vice versa. If you recognize and acknowledge that early on, and part ways gracefully, it’s always an action that is taking care of a very important person – you!

Of course, you may be concerned that in being much more clear and specific on whom you want to date, you’re going to exclude all the other cuties who don’t fit the desired profile and maybe there is some magical connection out there that is beyond the defined parameters. This may be true, but its also true that if you buy a lottery ticket you could win the big jackpot, and it can be argued that you’ve have a better chance of winning the cash. You’re welcome to turn over your love life to a cosmic roll of the dice and a bazillion to one chance that you’ll encounter your female alter ego while you’re at the market replenishing your chips and salsa. Maybe you have that kind of time, patience and faith. For the rest of us pragmatic mortals, there is something to think about......

Clarity - Part III

More points to consider when you are first getting to know someone and assessing common ground...

• Political/Ideological – Maybe it doesn’t matter to you that you’re conservative and someone you’re dating is liberal. Maybe it does, but considering it and what it means is important. Of course, in simple dating, a subject area such as this one is less important than chemistry, but you probably would want to know if you’re trying to seduce a member of some extremely left wing or right wing organization so you could act accordingly, such as hailing down a cab at the first opportunity to bring about a speedy exit.

• Activities – Someone who shares an interest in doing the same things you do - hiking, sailing, motorcycling, road trips, playing or watching sports, and so on. If you’re an outdoors person that loves to camp and hike in the mountains, and your new date’s idea of camping is staying at the Marriott instead of the Hilton – that’s right, here come the red flags again.

There are dozens more categories, but at this point it’s important you are clear on whom you are seeking. If you jumped in your car in Boston and wanted to take a drive to Springfield, it would seem a straight shot down the Massachusetts Turnpike is in order. However, that’s assuming we’re going to that Springfield. You may, in fact, really want to travel to the one in Ohio or Illinois or even Missouri. In each case, you’re going to have to know exactly where you’re going because each of them ultimately involves taking a different route, and some taking longer than others.

Clarity and Patience. You'll need both to really start acting from within on being with the person that you choose to get to know better. Clarity shows strength, and strength shows confidence - all of which makes you more attractive.

However, clarity and patience go hand in hand......

More Aspects to Be Clear On.....

Looks – Need more be said? This one is in the eye of the beholder. Sure, it matters, but remember, it isn’t everything. Sometimes beauty can blind you to characteristics that are far less pretty. Attractiveness is more than looks, and someone who is truly beautiful is that way below the surface – sexiness is a state of mind and displayed in attitude and demeanor. These are facts all Good Bad Boys know instinctively.

Profession – What a woman does for a living will be of importance, because there is a wide range of different professions and responsibilities, and that means a wide range of characteristics to fulfill them. A woman who is in administrative positions may likely have a very different personality than that of someone who is an executive, and consequently a more accomplished woman, at least in the professional sense, will many times be a stronger personality and more independent. While many times men claim that they desire an independent, professionally adept woman, once they become involved, they then have great difficulty with her commitment to her work and busy schedule, her availability, and complain how they are not getting the attention they want. Sorry, guys, you can’t have it both ways, so be clear on what your preferences are in this area, otherwise everyone will end up highly unsatisfied.

More following soon......

Getting Clear On Whom You Are Seeking....

In seeking a compatible companion, clarity can actually be simple, although that's probably not been your experience so far. Start by thinking about the things - aspects, habits, ideologies, and so on that are important to you, and list them. Then ponder the importance of these in a woman you’d like to date.

Here is one area to consider to get you started:

Intelligence - When it comes to a woman that you’ve just met, there is far more time focused on what’s going on from the neck down instead of what exists between her ears. You may not need a woman to have a PhD in mathematics, but you should be honest with yourself if you’re going to feel intimidated by her accomplishments. There should be an inner ease here on both sides, without anyone having to prove anything. Be yourself and see if the minds mesh.

This is a very important, usually overlooked area, and many times the level of intellect goes hand in hand with level of imagination, experimentation, creativity, adventure and so on. For better or worse, there is a vast range of intellect out there, and if your witty humor (or hers) is not being appreciated, or you find your potential lover having to define words you’ve not heard before – assuming you’re comfortable enough with yourself to admit to her you don’t know the meaning – red flags should begin to unfurl in your mind.

More areas to be discussed later this week......

Stumbling Towards Clarity...

Of course, it’s easy to say this, but doing it is a whole other matter. Men generally approach the topic of their ideal woman with a level of trepidation usually reserved for quantum physics or plumbing repairs. However, it need not be so hard. Its very important to be aware of the characteristics and attributes you desire in another woman from the beginning. The sooner you know the level of mutual compatibility, the sooner you know the proper path to follow, which will lead to your destination instead of wandering around lost in the dating desert.

Being clear on who you desire not only makes your life much simpler, women will sense that clarity in you and will find it attractive. While most men look outside themselves for the answer here, once again we’ll take the path of Bad Boy Enlightenment and look within.

So, if you don't know exactly what you want, what should you be looking for?

Still Figuring Out What You Want?

Often, men rely on what their minds (read: eyes) tell them instead of their hearts, and often make poor choices as far as dates are concerned. Men will be all over the map as far as what they want, desiring someone who is attractive, sexy, smart, salacious, a good cook, listens well, caretaker, nurturer, great map reader, knows the proper definition of the word bemused and so on. The list gets even more specific in places like New York or Los Angeles where there are a plethora of pretty women; the premium on attractiveness goes up significantly.

Frightening as it may sound, many men look to their mothers as the source of what they desire in a woman. This doesn’t mean they call up their moms and run a particular date’s attributes by them on a weekly basis and get her feedback. More accurately, if their maternal relationship was a healthy one, men will many times try to seek the same characteristics. Likewise, if the relationship was not very good, men will gravitate away from those characteristics.

While utilizing past familiarity with a parent as a guide for connecting with the opposite sex is a normal occurrence, it is not necessarily a good or healthy way to proceed. Being a good Bad Boy means working from within, and in order to accomplish this, a clear roadmap on what characteristics in another are being sought is completely necessary.

What Exactly Do YOU Want?

One large mistake that many men make is incorrectly focusing on what they think a woman will want from them in terms of behavior, looks, their actions, and other diverse and varied aspects of the mating dance. Since virtually every man doesn’t come close to getting this right, a provocative notion may be to examine what exactly is it that men are seeking in the relationship arena.

Ask any man what it is that he is seeking from dating the opposite sex and you likely will encounter a range of answers that will stretch from the sublime to the ridiculous, with a majority leaning towards the latter. The infamous “I’ll know it when I see/hear/smell/feel/taste it” can be generally translated as “I really have no idea at all what I really want”.

How To Be A Good Bad Boy Book is now published

Blog posts will be up later this week....in the meantime, How To Be a Good Bad Boy is now available in digital form for you e-readers:

http://www.amazon.com/How-Good-Bad-Boy-ebook/dp/B0088IE1VU/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1339369131&sr=1-1

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/170503

Print version should be available later this week on Amazon....thanks!