A Few Words on Christmas......

This is the time of year where there's a lot of activity and a lot of expectation - a very challenging time when it comes to giving and receiving.  It has been said the true gift in Christmas is being able to effectively receive from others - whether it be lavish gifts or simply kind words or well wishing gestures.


Many men get caught up in the notion that they must be measured by the gifts that they give - how big, how much, how important, and on and on.  I suppose if you're in competition with other guys with that stuff - how you're viewed from a business perspective, etc. - then I guess it matters to some degree.  Good Bad Boys measure themselves from within - not against others.

But that is not our focus here.  A most important goal of any Good Bad Boy, is gaining the adoration of the special woman/women in your life.  The way to do that is simple - make them feel special, like she is the only woman in the world that truly matters to you.  How you do that is specific to the person involved - there's no one answer for that.

If you've been reading (and absorbing) these posts over the last several months you've already listened and asked all the questions so you should have an idea the kinds of gestures that would make the woman in your life very happy.  I said it was simple.  I didn't say it was easy.

Nice Try, Mr. Not So Nice Guy.......

While you are wrangling with the balance between Nice Guy and Bad Boy, there is still the problem on the nice side of the spectrum that we have already briefly examined.  Let's look at it in more detail.

By initially establishing a relationship based on friendship, instead of one that expresses sexual attraction and desire, the male has helped put up a physical intimacy wall between the two participants.  Now, if you’re very fortunate and there is mutual attraction, that will become apparent and you hopefully will not drop the precious ball that you’ve just been handed.  What will very quickly become a problem is operating with an ulterior motive.

As mentioned earlier, perform kind acts because you want to, not because you want something in exchange for them.

Not having the benefit of being properly educated on how to interact with women at an early age, Mr. Nice Guy becomes perplexed at why he can’t get a woman to desire him physically.  All the things he was taught about being nice to others when he was younger come into doubt.  Many start thinking, “I’m doing everything possible to help this woman out, why can’t she see that I’m really attracted to her?”

For better or worse, men are generally looked upon as the sexual pursuers in our society.  You can fight this fact all you want, but the sooner you embrace it, and stop whining about how women should be asking you out (with few exceptions, you’ll have a very long, miserable wait for them to do that), the sooner you’ll be a happier Good Bad Boy.

So, being nice is not getting you the attention you desire. Now the misunderstanding sometimes develops into darker areas of mistrust, frustration and anger. After repeatedly being nice to woman and striking out when it comes to asking them out on dates, most men, instead of looking in the mirror and recognizing that doing the same thing over and over is not working and taking responsibility for that, point the finger and blame women.

The Nice and The Bad

It’s no secret that women want to have a nice guy in their life. A fellow that they can rely on - shows up on time, calls on the phone regularly, listens, brings flowers, is caring and so on. The all-around Mr. Nice Guy. Most decent males, unless they grew up on Neptune or were raised by a wolf pack, already have a pretty good idea about this.

However, here’s where most guys trip up - Mr. Nice Guy generally doesn’t get a woman hot and bothered. He’s important to a woman everywhere except the bedroom. By now it better be obvious that the goal is being important to a woman in every room in her house, with as few restrictions as possible.

In discussing this with women, most agree that men generally do not merge the Bad Boy with Mr. Nice Guy. Most men are either one or the other, which many times leave women with a frustrating choice. Either there are decent men who don’t know how to properly light their fire, or bad guy loser types who know how to seduce and excite a woman but behave badly in every other regard, which is certainly not of interest here.

As discussed earlier, the lack of effective education and communication on how to interact with girls can be pointed out as a culprit. A lot of guys grow up watching too many movies where a tough, Clint Eastwood type character who barely communicates any sentiment always gets the stunningly attractive woman. Add to that the media stereotypes of musicians, athletes and other celebrities with glamorous models on their arm, and boys get the notion that being cool, aloof, and difficult to communicate with makes them a Bad Boy that girls will find completely irresistible.

That leaves the unhappy dynamic of unscrupulous Bad Boys being unable to connect with women, and because of their misconceived aversion to performing nice deeds this leaves them unable to connect with the opposite sex on a meaningful and powerful level. The perceived notion is that being ‘cool’ is omni important, and being nice to a female compromises a guy’s stature at being cool. More than likely this comes from the perception of peers, since healthy women will be repelled by this attitude.

Unfortunately, a lot of the boys in this group grow into men with these misconceptions and fail to examine their own behavior, often blaming the woman for any lack of connection, communication or understanding. This is part of the foundation of a lot of unacceptable Bad Boy behavior, and while all the sexual allure stays intact, ultimately this fellow gets labeled as complete emotional trouble, and should be avoided at all costs. 

Nice Guys will do whatever is necessary to acquire a Bad Boy persona, but the Bad Boys who behave poorly will almost never be interested in the Nice Guy characteristics.

Hopefully you begin to see the importance of the balance between Good and Bad.

However, it is a balance, and next we'll look at the problems of being good all the time.....

 

 

What Women Really Want......

Although the subject of what a woman really wants in a man can be written about and discussed from now until doomsday, our focus is on one particular aspect within this subject. If you know this fact, and then learn how to become adept within it, well – I can assure you the women in your life will be very happy, and therefore you will be as well. And what is this great kernel of sensual knowledge?

Essentially, most women want Mr. Nice Guy to know how to look and act like a Bad Boy. They want a man who knows when its time to act like a gentleman and then knows when its time to be anything but. And yes, this usually means sensually and sexually. Many women desire a Bad Boy, but that hardly means they want a Loser in their lives, which most Bad Boys are. While women want the guy they’re intimately involved with to possess the characteristics of the sensitive, well-mannered good guy, those traits usually appeal to their common sense, and are not what sends their hearts and libidos racing.


As mentioned earlier, women really desire both the Nice Guy and the Bad Boy in the same package. Many men scratch their heads and don’t understand how they can want both a bad and a good guy. The important thing to know is that they are looking for this only in the physical realm or those areas of their psyche that stimulate the physical. They want the Bad Boy mostly in a sexual context, because this guy turns them on – the outlaw, the rebel, the guy who doesn’t follow the rules and does things his own way.


He may look rough, someone not to mess with, or not. Someone who presents an element of danger and risk that is many times thrilling to a woman. Of course, bringing this mythic figure into the chaotic world of male and female relations is daunting. Women don’t really want a dangerous guy in their lives, since physical safety is at the top of a woman’s priority list. Misbehaving Bad Boys that do not pick up the phone and call or display any other actions that show that a woman is valued and desired will always lead to misery. It is very important to recognize the distinction between a Bad Boy and a Good Bad Boy. One will receive adoration from women and the other will cause misery to them. If you have to think about which one is more suited to you, stop reading now, since you’re beyond redemption. The nice guys, with a new found sexual edge after reading all of this over time, will be finishing first.


So how does a Nice Guy learn how and when to be a Good Bad Boy? Ah, patience, grasshopper.......

The Friendship Trap

There’s nothing wrong with acts of chivalry and kindness without expectation of recompense. However, if your initial efforts at trying to gain the favors of a fair maiden involve fixing machines, appliances, switches or other complicated broken things; offering to carry heavy objects, killing and disposing of various and sundry vermin, and so on, you're in trouble. You are essentially building a mammoth neon sign over your head that reads to her PLATONIC FRIEND – DO NOT TOUCH.

Again, this is assuming that she doesn’t have a big initial attraction to you. The only sure way to know that a woman is attracted to you is that it has been communicated to you in a very clear manner. However it is broadcast to you, be it through actions or words, they should be crystal clear so even the geekiest organic chemist will know. “Hey, she was smiling at me, and looking me in the eyes...a lot!” Anything short of this shall be interpreted as Friends Only!

In case you’ve somehow gotten this far in life without knowing what platonic entails, in essence it means non-physical, which put in male terms reads No Sex For You, Pal. Your early involvement with her has been a task oriented one having nothing to do with romance. So, my friend, you have set that course. Don’t blame any woman later for leading you on, taking advantage of you or any other ego driven nonsense in an effort to salve your wounded pride. You were the one who got the ball rolling in this direction. She never expressed any attraction towards you, correct? Any woman can find a handyman in the Yellow Pages, finding a guy that can sweep her off her feet and take her breath away is a lot more challenging.

Essentially, by sending out the message that you’re a nice guy and that you’re willing to do favors for a woman, guess what? They will be more than happy to oblige your wishes. Why not? You’ve communicated to her that it’s fine to take that course. Women are quite sharp, but they can’t read your mind. By failing to effectively communicate your hopes, wishes and desires, you’ve now dug yourself into the Platonic Grave, and rest assured, there is little hope of ever getting out of it.

The problem here is that Mr. Nice Guy has taken the lead role. He has his place, and it’s an important one, but on the journey to being a Good Bad Boy, it is essential for one to know when its time for Mr. Nice Guy and when the Good Bad Boy steps in to take over. They are to co-exist, dependent on each other, but like a good team, will not interfere with the other’s area of expertise. Those defined areas will become clearer later on.

For now, you need to learn a lot more about women.

More on Emotional Safety......

If you’re still skeptical, simply try it the Good Bad Boy way next time. If you're unsatisfied with how you feel afterwards, you can return to your old beliefs that have lead to your present frustrated state and continue to do it your way. Your transformation must come from the inside. Assuming you’re now truly free of expectation, you don’t feel a lack or loss when nothing has happened.

You’ve done a selfless, kind act and asked or expected nothing in return. You feel better, and it reflects to others around you. Women are very sensitive and intuitive and will pick up on this, and will be much more attracted to you because of it. They love guys with this attitude. Do kind and selfless deeds without any expectation. Doing them anonymously is even better; it’s a higher evolution of this concept.

Remember, it’s about how you feel on the inside, and this will make you feel better about yourself. Every Good Bad Boy feels great about who he is on the inside, and this concept is only a small part of the bigger picture.

The importance of this all goes back to a woman’s emotional safety. If she knows you’re doing all manner of things for her without any expectation from it, that you have no ulterior motives, she will be much more likely to trust you and desire being closer to you. This may or may not manifest in any physical activity, but be assured that if there is any kissing, or more, that’s going to happen, it will only be if she reaches this comfort level with you.

Of course, all of this assumes that she has a physical attraction for you. Sorry fellas, I’m going to have to state the obvious on occasion, since most of you seem to miss it so often. If she's not attracted to you, then that's that. Too many guys go blundering through a red light that a woman has put up showing there's no physical interest. Be a man and get over it, there are plenty of other great women out there. Of course, you were already detached from any specific outcome, so you still feel great about yourself, and no harm done - RIGHT? If you still feel a sting, or big disappointment, you were hiding an agenda. Being honest with yourself is crucial to building trust with women, and everyone else.

Nice Guys get completely lost on the way to that important First Kiss. Worse yet, they only realize they’ve been on the less scenic Road to Platonic Friendship far too late for them to get back in the right direction.

Let's make sure you stay on the Focused Path to Good Bad Boy Enlightenment....

Making A Woman Feel Safe Around You

First and foremost, the most important task for Mr. Nice Guy is having his words and deeds reach a point of consistency that a woman feels emotionally safe with him. Mind you, we're not talking about physical safety here. If that were an issue with you she would have sensed that quickly and have run in top speed in the opposite direction, stilettos notwithstanding.

The significance of emotional safety cannot be stressed enough. If a woman feels emotionally safe, then – with time, patience, effort and trust – her heart, mind, body and soul will be open and accessible. This is a fact of life between men and women that will not change, and unfortunately, most men completely miss this critical point.

This investment of time and effort will pay off handsomely later, and every accomplished Good Bad Boy knows this. Many times the Nice Guy will spend time with a woman being nice and attentive, but all the time and effort is focused on a sexual payoff somewhere down the road. This is a mentality that should always be avoided; if you can’t be kind and patient with a woman (or anyone, for that matter) simply for the sake of being that way, then you should forget everything you've already read here and return to your previous unconsciousness.

Anything short of this generous mindset is a ‘strings attached’ attitude, and a complete waste of your time. Simply put, it just isn’t nice, and women will view you as creepy – a term you are never to associate yourself with. You’re better off being dead than being a creep. If you depart this life now at least there will be some fond remembrance of you and sympathy for your loved ones. Creeps expire alone and forgotten. 

Let's take this from a different vantage point. If you’re a Nice Guy who’s been doing all sorts of favors and things for the cute girls in your life and hoping to get some physical attention because you’ve been such a ‘nice guy’, well, I have some bad news for you. Not only is there nothing nice about that attitude, it’s actually very unpleasant and manipulative. Having a 'no stings attached' attitude permeate across all your actions, regardless of who the other person is, will make you feel better about yourself, and others will recognize and respond to that. And yes, women will pick up on this, and you will be much more attractive to them.

So, if you can’t do a favor for an attractive woman without expectation of anything in return, then don’t do it at all. Good Bad Boys know that doing kind deeds across the board, without the anticipation of some sort of payoff, is the only route to Good Bad Boy Enlightenment. Besides, the real secret is that a truly kind individual who gives freely without expectation of anything in return is much more likely to get what he wants. I’m not talking of Porsches and swimming pools here, this is about engaging the women in your life on an intimate level you’ve only dreamed of.

More on Getting a Woman's Attention

If, as Good Bad Boys do, you take the path that most other men do not, you will recognize the value of getting a woman's attention and understand the time and effort that will be involved in obtaining  it. Nothing of great value is easily obtained, and this is no exception.

This is hardly a problem, since a key part of evolving as a Good Bad Boy is the journey getting there, and what an enjoyable journey it will be! Do not, as most men do, simply sexualize a woman when you first meet her, sizing her up as a sexual partner, looking her over as if she's roast beef to be purchased at the deli counter. This sounds harsh, but I'm sure there are thousands of woman out there that would be nodding their heads in remembrance of experiencing that particular unpleasantness.

Many men have the potential for great sexual confidence, which will spill out to greater confidence in many other aspects of their lives. Women find confidence in a man attractive, and they find a man that has confidence when it comes to women extremely attractive.  However, they are flummoxed as to how to access it.

If you cannot bridge these two areas, you will always be a nice guy in her mind, someone to rely on, a guy friend she can confide in, and a good friend. These are death scenarios for a Good Bad Boy. The last thing you want is a wonderful, beautiful woman that you're dying to connect with think of you in the same manner as her girlfriends. She will never surrender her heart, mind and body to you. That she will only do to someone who knows how and when to be a Bad Boy, yet be a good man who knows how to make her feel safe.

Of course you're now wondering 'How does one make a woman feel safe'? Well, that may take some time......

Getting A Woman's Attention - And Keeping It

As stated earlier, being a Nice Guy is quite important. We'll expand on that later, but for now be aware that all of your words and actions from the start send a clear message - both good and bad. So, you need to be hyper aware that sending the clear message from the start that you are a guy that really cares about women is essential. This is the foundation of the Good component of the Good Bad Boy, and without it, you will never gain the attentions of all the sexy, smart, beautiful women out there.

Being a Nice Guy is great, if you want to be good friends with a woman, and nothing more. However, women usually already have plenty of friends, and they are more often looking to a man to be her man. This means knowing the balance and timing of being a Nice Guy, and then when to be a Bad Boy, and it will involve some practice. So....where do you start? 

There are many ways for you to having a lasting impact with a woman, but for our purposes right now we'll focus on how to have her always think fondly of you. Nice guys can do that, and do it well. You (hopefully) already know how to be a trusted friend, but you need to know how to make your way across to the Good Bad Boy realm.

The task at hand is getting a bridge across to that part of a woman that is fired up by a man's confidence and within that his confident sexuality. Bear in mind that nowhere in the previous sentence were the terms conceit, arrogance or self-importance. There are enough of these jerks around, and if you demonstrate any of these traits you should be shut down and tossed out in the cold instantly and deservedly so.

Bridging this chasm will not be a matter of simply laying a board across a small gap; this will involve time, patience and perseverance. The attentions and devotion of a woman of style, substance and sexuality are of great value and it takes time to earn it. This is an important point, because most men greatly underestimate this value.

The Good and Bad of Being Mr Nice Guy

Is there a cure for nice guy-itis? Not really, but that is not a bad thing. What is important to bear in mind is that you will need to start from scatch. The typical 21st century male needs to begin the process of becoming a Good Bad Boy by first re-learning what interacting with a woman – as an adult – entails.

In the beginning of this process being a Nice Guy is quite important. We'll expand on that later, but for now be aware that all of your words and actions from the start send a clear message - both good and bad. So, you need to be hyper aware that sending the clear message from the start that you are a guy that really cares about women is essential. This is the foundation of the Good component of the Good Bad Boy, and without it, you will never gain the attentions of all the sexy, smart, beautiful women out there.

Being a Nice Guy is great, if you want to be good friends with a woman, and nothing more. However, women usually already have plenty of friends, and they are more often looking to a man to be her man. This means knowing the balance and timing of being a Nice Guy, and then when to be a Bad Boy, and it will involve some practice. So....where do you start?Let's be clear about one thing from the onset - being a good, decent guy is very important. I've stated this before, but it cannot be overstressed. You must have this component, or else you will never have anything everlasting with the best women in the world. 

Sure, you can be a real Bad Boy, a guy who is really attractive to women with his rebellious and anti-establishment ways. However, he is a comet, and intense light that burns breifly and then disappears forever. You want to last. The way to last with a woman is for her to always think fondly of you. Nice guys can do that - and you do want to last, don't you?

The first thing you must do is to Stop Thinking. Yes, I didn't mistype that. When it comes to women men are always thinking with the wrong head. If you are a guy really dedicated to do whatever it takes to attract the attentions of the really smart, sexual women out there, you must start the process of becoming a Good Bad Boy by first re-learning what interacting with a woman – as an adult – entails.

A Little More on Cluelessness......

In discussions with many women, all of them agree that men do not meld the Bad Boy with Mr. Nice Guy. Either they are decent men who don't know how to properly light their fire, or bad guy loser types who know how to excite a woman but behave badly in every other regard. When I offered that what they were seeking was a nice, decent, wonderful guy they could count on who knew how to be a bad boy in intimate situations, every one of them emphatically agreed. All of them indicated this was something they keenly desired in their initial encounters with a man - and certainly beyond that.
There are many things lost in the translation from Venusian to Martian, but the aspect of how much a woman would love for her guy to be a bad boy is something that simply does not occur to most men. Forget the true bad boys, they are not redeemable - this information is for all those decent guys out there who are dying to know how to excite the women in their lives and willing to do whatever it takes to please them, since that will make their confidence soar. And, of course, all the women, so they can get what they REALLY want!

Why Is It That Men Have No Clue What Women Really Want In A New Partner?

In the past I would always be dumbfounded by how the lovely, sexy women that I knew in my life would always seem to end up in relationships with bad guys that I knew weren't very good - not the caring, respectful guy that I was! I was a decent, attractive enough guy, but never could seem to easily get the intimate attentions of women.

I started asking the women I knew about this and they spoke of the allure and raw attraction of a Bad Boy, but how treacherous they were to deal with due to their general emotional unavailability, among other unsavory attributes.

I spent a lot of time after that pushing back the boundaries of my Nice Guy and letting the Bad Boy inside me get much more presence in intimate situations - experimenting - which was a revelation to me with wonderful results with women. It became obvious after a short while that there was a huge gap between men who were Nice Guys and those who were Bad Boys.

Why You're Clueless

Let’s be fair, most men never had any kind of an effective sexual mentor in their formative years to provide the elusive Rosetta Stone of Women. Some had an evolved sister or mother sit down and try to explain what relating with girls would be all about. While this may sound ideal, masculinity, not fostered at least partly by a male mentor, will flounder, as will this man’s efforts at engaging women in a confident manner.

Other unfortunate souls have suffered a time honored rite of passage - the oppressive ‘birds and bees’ talk with a Neanderthal Dad. Many times this talk trumpets the merits of being a “man’s man” and not to be too emotional or sensitive. Unfortunately, this could resurface years later in the form of emotional unavailability, lack of communication of feelings and other difficulties stemming from a general bewilderment on how to act around the female half of the population.

Worst of all is the “classroom on the corner,” where the collective sexual unconsciousness of the neighborhood boys conspire to thwart any possibility of evolving a young male’s sensual awareness to any healthy degree. Here all the rumors, innuendo, myths and urban legends involving girls that have been gleaned from media stereotypes have significant sway. Music videos, men's magazines, television and film, soft and hardcore pornographic magazines and videos as well as other sources continue to foster an unrealistic standard of women’s looks, appearance and sexuality.

With this as a source of sexual education, it’s easy to see where boys physically grow into men, yet often remain boys emotionally when it comes to dealing with their female counterparts.

So, where does a clueless guy go from here?

Now You Know, So Let It Go

We’ve discussed many aspects of being a Good Bad Boy, but the most important one is being true to who you are.  You never want to compromise yourself, do anything you don’t really want to, or be reactive to the people or circumstances surrounding you. A huge part of what makes a Good Bad Boy so desirable is his solid sense of self.  This separates the men from the boys.  While women are more than happy to have a dalliance with a boy, being with a man is where the gold is.  You will rarely be able to connect with a woman on a deep level if you do not carry yourself as a man and behave accordingly.  Leave the boys and their behavior to the girls of the world.  You’re in this for much more rewarding pursuits, and being with a sexually open woman, as opposed to a girl who is sexually inexperienced and uncomfortable, is where you will always head to.


At the beginning of this journey you were likely someone who had desires and fantasies about how you wanted to interact sexually with women, but it seemed as accessible as jumping onto the surface of Mars.  Now you are clear on who you are and what you want with the women in your life.  You now can state your desires in a very palatable and seductive manner and not only have them heard and acknowledged, but more importantly have them fulfilled on a regular basis.  As the fulfillment of your desires becomes more a part of your normal existence, the feelings that you would never get what you wanted sexually and that you had no power in this area or with women in general will disappear for good.  Your confidence and self esteem will soar, yet throughout you are grateful and humble that you received the gift of this knowledge.  You are cognizant that by being of service honoring the women in your life physically, emotionally, spiritually and simply being there for them, you also honor yourself as a man.


Now that you have all this heightened awareness, it is time to let it go.  I’m sure you’re wondering exactly what I’m talking about, and let’s be regular guys one last time and use a sports analogy.  In golf, you practice, practice, practice until your arms are ready to fall off, and when it’s time to get on the course and play the game for real you must let all the thinking disappear.  All that muscle memory must take over and the natural swing rhythm comes from somewhere deep within.  I know every time I do a lot of thinking when I’m in the midst of a golf swing the results are almost always poor.   Being a Good Bad Boy is the same.  You’ve taken in all these points, and practiced trial and error and have reached a point where you have more than a clue on how to go about all of this.  Of course, you’ll have to think when trying to come up with a good reply or other conversation, but on the physical levels, it’s time to let the natural rhythms you’ve developed take over from within.  It always amazes me how the best golf shots seem to come from very little thought or physical effort.  They come from within.  As a Good Bad Boy expresses himself from the inside out, let everything come from within, naturally, without forethought or provocation.  Eventually it will be as if you have a neon sign over your head, visible only to women in the world, quietly glowing ‘Good Bad Boy’ with a flashing arrow pointing down to you.  The world will forever be a changed place.
           
When you first started this journey, the thought of speaking to a woman in the tones discussed above, or to act in such a bold and sexual manner probably didn’t even exist in your mind, it was so foreign.  The point is now you know better; you know the power of behaving this way in an appropriate manner, and the rewards it will reap.  You are only just finding out that there are many women out in the world that are hoping that today is the day they finally run into a guy who knows his stuff sexually, yet is humble and knows how to treat a woman like a woman – across the board.  A guy who knows when to romance a woman and seduce her slowly and when to push her up against a wall and bring out the inner bad girl that she’s been dying to let out, yet no man has been able to coax it out of her properly.   A man who pushes the boundaries and doesn’t hesitate to be spontaneous, naughty and adventuresome, yet at all times making sure the woman is right there with him.  You’ll know for certain when you’ve reached full Good Bad Boy status – you will never have to think of yourself that way, since the women in your life will be calling you a Good Bad Boy for you, just before they fall into your arms so you can do with them as you will – in that manner that only a Good Bad Boy knows how to do.

Assume Nothing!

It is very important to realize that just because you’re committing to a deeper relationship doesn’t mean that you’re going to prison.  Like everything else, a committed relationship has its plusses and minuses.  As mentioned earlier, having the attentions of a lovely, decent woman who thinks you’re the greatest thing since the invention of the wheel is one of the most valuable things you’ll ever have in your possession.  Being committed does not mean you stop being a Good Bad Boy; you just have to make your adjustments. 


Hopefully a big part of why you’re in this relationship is that you share a lot in common, particularly when it comes to things in the realm of naughtiness.  Being true to yourself is always a big part of the Good Bad Boy way, so now you just have to be a Good Bad Boy that is committed.  There’s nothing wrong with that at all.  You still love women; still love flirting with them as you have before.  As long as you reassure your partner that all your flirtatious behavior is not a reflection on how you feel about her, that no matter what you do you view your relationship with her as more important than anything. 


It is important to discuss with her what the boundaries are as far as behavior. You may be very surprised as what will be ok with a woman, particularly one that has a Good Bad Boy as her significant other and feels that her relationship is solid.  Remember, it was noted earlier that one of the most important things to a woman is emotional safety.  She loves that you’re a Good Bad Boy; she doesn’t want that to change.  She may be very turned on by hearing how while you were out picking up some milk from the store and almost picked up a cute woman while you were there as well.  Maybe next time she’ll want to go with you to see you in action!  Who knows – you’re only limited by what the two of you define as boundaries. 


There is a Good Bad Boy friend of mine that is very happily married but of course takes the opportunity to flirt with a sexy woman whenever he gets the green light to do so.  However, being a Good Bad Boy he would never lead a woman on, so he always makes sure to make mention of his wife shortly into the conversation. 


Most of the time that brings the flirtation to a quick but polite halt, but he has mentioned that is not always the case!  Some women he has flirted with want to get to know him better, and when he mentions that he would never do anything without his wife, the adventurous woman offers that she’d like to meet her as well, so that there are no roadblocks and they can continue the flirtation.  There are LOTS of open minded, adventurous women out there, so don’t limit yourself by making assumptions. 


Just be a Good Bad Boy and be honest, and express how you feel.  Just because you’re committed or married doesn’t mean the fun stops.  All it means is that you have to handle things differently, because you now have different responsibilities.  Maturity has its rewards!

Becoming the Good Bad Boyfriend/Husband

As time goes on and you travel further down the Good Bad Boy Path, you will have many wonderful experiences with many fabulous women, and if you stay on this path, you will earn a place in each one of their hearts, whether or not your relationships with these women are short or long term.  Every connection has its own time span, whether it lasts seventy minutes or seventy years.  The natural evolution of a Good Bad Boy at the end of all those cumulative experiences is to focus all that special knowledge on one very lucky and deserving woman.  Sooner or later the seduction process, while a very satisfying experience, runs its course. 


It’s an inevitable part of maturing, whether you have had your fill of it at 30 or at 50.  From my experience and observation, men that are still not in committed relationships and pursuing and trying to seduce numbers of women into their 40’s and 50’s are not ever going to mature, and therefore have zero chance at becoming a Good Bad Boy.  What their commitment issues are I’ll leave to the psychologists, as our focus is on becoming the kind of man women adore, and ultimately become the object of  adoration for one woman.  The important thing to remember is, as a Good Bad Boy, you need to be with someone who appreciates and loves who you are and while she wants all that fun attention turned her way, does not want to change the tiger’s stripes.  Equally important for the Good Bad Boy is to be with a woman who not only appreciates who he is, but brings her own special attributes to the relationship.


Myself, I’m a very fortunate fellow in that the woman I’m with is beautiful and brilliant with a science PhD.  There were many men that vied for her attentions that she could have chosen to have been with.  Men with more money, more powerful careers, higher intelligence and so on.  This is not to say I don’t hold my own in all those departments, I do, but they had little to do with her selection. 


She initially was attracted by my look, but as we all know there needs to be more than that for things to last more than 5 minutes – at least in any relationship that matters.  There are numerous times when I describe her to acquaintances who wonder how I ended up with someone of such significant substance.  I just shrug my shoulders and toss up my hands in a ‘beats me’ type of way and joke that she hasn’t come to her senses yet.  All joking aside, what kept her close was my Good Bad Boy demeanor – letting Mr. Nice Guy have his place and being a Bad Boy when the time was called for.  Apparently I also keep her in a state of perpetual amusement, but I think she just tells me that to make me feel less of a sex object.

Pushing the Envelope

The only limitations are the ones that you put there, and if you both are adventuresome and playful, then let your minds roam and explore.  All your practice at communication comes to fruition here, as discussions venture into the ‘what turns you on’ and ‘what fantasies do you have’ conversations.  Of course you are matter of fact and unflappable regardless of what she says, assuming there is nothing illegal desired. I once had a woman ask me why I hadn’t robbed a convenience store so she could fall in love with me.  She may have been kidding but it didn’t seem it at the time.  Needless to say, that situation didn’t get very far.  As a Good Bad Boy I’m very accommodating, however, there are some boundaries that just won’t be compromised.   
   
Don’t be afraid to push the envelope, and many times being spontaneous really helps.   You must become aware of the power of spontaneity romantically – bringing flowers or gifts, planning a special day for your girl and springing it on her, and so on.  Sexual spontaneity has its own powerful space as well.  You’ve established a safe place between you and your partner so don’t be afraid to try new ideas.  Obviously this can cover a lot of ground, but for starters, why not get a bit dominant with your woman.  This doesn’t mean getting disrespectful or speaking down to her, it’s simply an extension of when you earlier learned how to really kiss, by making a woman feel a bit helpless when you did so, but now you’re doing it in a bigger arena.  Often a woman loves being overpowered sexually, and this can involve dozens of different scenarios. 


Luckily, it will take some time to sort through them all!  Communicate and explore together, and a lot of fun discoveries will happen.  A Good Bad Boy will try not to be shocked by a woman’s behavior, in keeping with balance and stature, but how much fun it will be when a woman finally does take you aback.  Acknowledge it, but don’t be obvious about it!

The Power of Persuasion

As a Good Bad Boy you will also develop the ability to be a coercive influence.  Once you take the time to make a woman feel special, safe and desired you can really explore.  Assuming you’re with a woman that has a pretty extensive naughty streak (why would you be anywhere else?) you can regularly make suggestions or take actions that push the boundaries of your intimate experiences further out.  You’ll have the dual satisfaction of exploring territory that you’ve not been to before, as well as taking the woman you’re with to new and exciting heights – assuming she’s not been there before! 

Even if she’s been where you haven’t, that’s fine, since women that are really experienced and have had a full spectrum of sexual experiences truly appreciate a Good Bad Boy.  They, more than most women, need to be with someone who is confident and really knows their way around, and isn’t afraid to go there. Women generally aren’t thrilled if they find they are more sexually experienced than the guy they are getting to know. Most women would rather not have to teach the guy, they want to be shown what skills you have – for them. 

So, as a fun example, the next romantic dinner that you’re out at with your new partner, assuming you’ve both felt things out a bit, whisper in her ear, in a gentle but firm way, that you want her to go to the ladies room and remove her panties, and that she should bring them back for you to hold, and she’ll have to make due without them for the rest of the evening.  If she comes back with a clever reply, such as “why would you assume that I’m even wearing any?”  make sure you keep your Good Bad Boy stature, and if she’s wearing a dress or a skirt, you challenge her right then and there to surreptitiously prove it to you, as actions are what count.  If she balks, you can be provocative and question the veracity of her statement.  If she’s wearing slacks, you will expect her to prove it later. 

Either way, you keep your balance.  It’s like volleying in tennis.  Naughtiness in public is a huge turn on for many women.  Don’t be afraid to explore it, but don’t be foolish or obvious either as it’s a fine balance.  Remember, there are many law enforcement personnel that will be less than amused by your activities if they catch you in the act.   Oh, and be sure to put this woman right at the top of the list of your involvements – any woman who thinks that way is someone you want to know a whole lot more! 

Humility is Hot

As a Good Bad Boy, you will have special knowledge and skills, it will almost seem like you are privy to the most obvious secret in the world that is right under every guy’s nose.  However, that does not give you license to flaunt it or act like you’re better than every guy out there. 


We’ve mentioned that being full of yourself is a turn off, and that will never change.  There is no room for complacency on the Good Bad Boy path.  As soon as you think you’ve ‘arrived’, you need to take stock of your attitude.  Humility is the only attitude to have, and when that is coupled with sexual confidence, you have a combination that is irresistible to many, many women.  Besides, it’s much more fun to think that there are unlimited sensual delights out there waiting for you to discover, and you’ll never find them all! 


Simply take on a very basic mindset that was touched on earlier in this book, and one that many spiritual teachers advocate.  Be focused on the journey, and all the rewards that you’ll uncover along the way.  Good Bad Boys already know there is no ‘destination’ or ‘finish line’; all the satisfaction and fulfillment comes from the process, from all that you experience and gather along the way.  You never want to be so blasé that you really feel you’ve ‘been there and done that’ sexually.  That would be a bore.  There is always something new and exciting awaiting you, whether you’ve just started this process or have been in a committed relationship for years. 


It all comes from a humble attitude, and knowing the world out there is a whole lot bigger than you are.  If you truly acquire this refreshing take on things, most days will feel like there is some great new surprise out there waiting, and it’s the difference between living a full life and merely existing.  You have the choice, so which one do you prefer?

Good Bad Boy Tip #12

Honoring the relationships you’ve committed to will always take priority.  There may be the rare instance where your current girlfriend has no problem with this, or may even want to get to know your old flame. 

Don’t count on it though, the far majority of the time ‘exes’ are less than welcome.  Keeping the women you currently or previously have been involved with separated from each other is a very safe and healthy habit.

The Most Important Destination

One of the most significant goals you will strive for as a Good Bad Boy is to secure a special place in the heart of women you are involved with, regardless of what the commitment level is.  Men mistakenly have the notion that it’s ‘all or nothing’ with women, that you’re either emotionally aloof, just a ‘friend with benefits’ or completely committed and monogamous.  Women cover much more of a spectrum emotionally and what they are looking for can cover a very wide range, so don’t assume anything, just let it be revealed to you. 

What matters is that you act like a secure, confident man around a woman, particularly in regard to sexual matters.  If you are forthright throughout, regardless of the level of involvement, you will always be held in a fond regard by a woman, and this is a worthy goal.  Most of the time it is the very simple idea of being a decent fellow and by now this should be standard operating procedure to you.  You’re not (hopefully) a jerk to your guy friends – so give the women in your life the same benefit, and you’ll gain much more than you expect. 

Developing a relationship with the woman that you’ve been intimately involved with into a close confidant and friend is a rare and special situation.  You can have someone who knows you in a unique way, and be able to offer counsel and suggestions that come from a place that your other pals will never be able to approach.  You will always be adored by this woman on some level, and adoration by a woman is a very worthy accomplishment that most men do not achieve, much less appreciate. 

This is a special reward for being a Good Bad Boy, over time you may have several women that you can rely on for a special perspective on things, and their take on your life is something, like all input from your support network, to be valued and considered.  It is a unique friendship and one that has a special level of trust, as well as a level of connection that will always be there.  Cultivating these long term friendships, with or without the sexual component to them, is well worth the effort.  The only caveat is that over time people do get involved in more committed relationships and an old lover’s new boyfriend may not appreciate your ‘special’ friendship, or you may have a new committed relationship and she may feel uncomfortable with a past flame as well.

Being True to You

With a bit of time you will know your partner better and have an idea of what works sexually and where to explore and where not to.  Obviously communication is the key to all this or it will take much longer than necessary to uncover important facts.  Some of this is trial and error, getting the balance between being a nice guy and being a naughty seducer that women want to succumb to takes practice and is different with every woman.  Considering the rewards, this practice is time well spent, and it’s not exactly an onerous task.  The best attribute you can exercise to further your goal is to be patient.  We’ve discussed this earlier, but it can’t be overstressed.


In the big picture a Good Bad Boy is trying to act on his feelings and go from the ‘inside out’ as opposed to reacting to whatever stimuli is coming at him.  As earlier stated, Nature always exists in balance, and you are to do the same.  It will take a little time to properly juxtapose your inner Nice Guy with the Good Bad Boy, but it will come in time.  The only way is to do it, and you will be very surprised at how open your partner will be if you’ve provided a safe and respectful environment for her.  The biggest challenge men have had to face in the past 40 or so years is the contradiction of women wanting to be treated as equals in every aspect of the everyday world – which is appropriate and desired – and the fact that many women look to be guided by a strong male presence when it comes to physical intimacy.  It has proven to be an impossible chasm for most men, and the only way to bridge it is to have the Nice Guy and the Good Bad Boy know their places and call on them when the time is right. 


Despite the appearance that this is all very mysterious and difficult to intellectualize, at least from a male perspective, if you show a woman you are involved with that she is important, you will avoid many difficulties.  These are basic rules that have been already discussed, but you may have already forgotten them!  Be attentive, caring, nurturing, and make the woman you are with feel like she’s number one with you, even if your mutual understanding of your relationship is casual and non-committal.  Being present and reliable, and having your words be consistent with your actions, will enable you to avoid having the ‘Player’ label slapped on you.  Good Bad Boys never want to be called that, even in a ribbing manner, the undertone of the Player definition implies that you are only interested in having sex with a woman and that all the other important aspects that round everything out to a fulfilling experience are of no importance. 


It is imperative that you avoid being viewed in these terms at all costs.  If a woman feels you are really a Player, she will keep you at arms length, because Players are just simply Bad Boys, despite all the sugar and charm they may pour over on a woman they’re trying to seduce.  Players often times are selfish jerks that border on misogynists.  Have your actions and how a woman views and feels about you be as far away from the Player label as possible.  If you shortcut any of the topics we discussed up to this point, you run the risk of being viewed in these very unpleasant terms.  Don’t stray from the Good Bad Boy path.

Staying the Higher Course

Additionally, it is very important to spend some time examining how you are to behave moving forward with someone you are now intimately involved with.  This is not alluding to a relationship discussion, which will be touched on more in the final chapter.   You’ve already been clear with her on what she can expect from you emotionally, and until that changes on either side, you keep the lines of communication open and behave in a manner that is consistent on what you’ve told her to expect from you.  Anything short of this is not Good Bad Boy behavior, it is furtive and disrespectful. A lack of forthrightness and being honest and timely in your emotional communications will hurt those you interact with, but most importantly, the person you will damage the most will be yourself.  You’ve put a lot of time and effort into being a man that women want to be with, so you now must always take the high road – there are no exceptions.


The point that most men miss, and that Good Bad Boys already know, is that if you are caring, honest, communicative and respectful to a woman you are involved with, regardless whether you’ve been together ten days or ten years, you will have available to you everything you desire physically, and then some.  Mr. Nice Guy has to have his place and here is where he is best utilized.  Once a woman feels that she can depend on you emotionally, it will be much easier for you to lead where you want to go physically.  Spending the time establishing this base of care and trust is vitally important, regardless of what the relationship dynamics are.  This foundation must be in place to be able to fully explore your Good Bad Boy potential and possibilities.


There is no secret to all this, just be a decent, honest, communicative, ‘stand-up’ guy – for some reason these men don’t seem to come along that often, so once again you’ve differentiated yourself from the herd.  Most men are afraid to directly and honestly communicate how they feel to a woman, for fear that what they may say will upset them and ruin everything.  I can assure you that not saying what you feel will do far more damage in time.  Be a Good Bad Boy and always say how you feel – in honest, caring terms, of course!  

The High Road of Quiet Confidence

How you carry yourself through each of your days is now important.  You have more confidence now that you’ve been fortunate enough to gain some understanding on what women are looking for when initially encountering a man.  Let this quiet confidence permeate through all your words and deeds, particularly with the opposite sex – it will add to your attraction.  If you are to truly evolve as a Good Bad Boy, you are to take your new found knowledge and modestly hold it in reserve until it’s called for.  The worst thing you could do at this point is misuse your new skills and become a jerk.  Alas, this is a very easy thing to do.

There is a fine line that runs between confidence, conceit and arrogance.  Be charming and playful in your interactions and hint at what you may have in store.  Acting like you’re a complete stud and everyone should honor you for it is completely gross.  You’ll be just like one of those Neanderthal single guys that used to roam the discos in the 1970’s with 10 pounds of gold chains blaring through shirts open to their fat stomachs.  Women have mastered the art of being mysterious, so you’ll do well to be modest, play things close to the vest and let a woman discover all those fun things about you as well.  This is balanced and both parties will enjoy the hunt.  


Just because you think you know how to bed a woman doesn’t mean you now get to do it any faster, you still have to take the time involved to properly interest and seduce a woman – that will never change.  If you go back to the old thinking of just trying to get a woman into bed as quickly as possible, even with your new knowledge, not only have you failed all the lessons we’ve discussed, you’ve actually regressed, since you are now supposed to know better.  You’re on a new path now, there is no turning back – moving forward is where the rewards are.  Be modest and humble, and show all the caring and concern we discussed in the earlier chapters, these are attributes that are now permanent.

Working Smart

As briefly mentioned before, despite your appearance efforts and making best use of what you’ve got, you will not make every woman perspire with anticipation when you walk into a room.  In fact, you will not catch the eye of most women when you walk into a room, unless you really possess Hollywood leading man looks, and even then it’s touch and go. 

The good news is you don’t have the time or capacity to handle all of that attention, despite what you may think, and catching the eye of even a small percentage of the women you come across still translates into a large number.  The reality is that trying to date more than two or three women at a time, as much fun as it may seem in your head, would start to work against the quality of your life, as you would find little time to yourself and being much more reactionary to your social life, as opposed to actively defining it.  You’ll be less happy with more women and happier with less, even though that seems counterintuitive to almost every male out there.  Once again – Less is More.  Get one at a time down first and then you can concern yourself with adding more if that’s your interest.

Since you don’t have to worry about appealing to the masses of women out there, your task now is to find those few that you will really connect with.  The hardest part of this is the patience involved because a woman who wants to get closer to you will let you know it, but in a subtle manner.  Your task is to make sure you’re alert enough to pick the signal up when it is sent your way and be ready for it, regardless of how long it takes.  This simply means is you go about your normal routine, and at all times be prepared to hone your Good Bad Boy skills. 

Instead of being like most men, trying to impress yourself onto a woman that really isn’t interested, you’ll patiently wait for one that is interested in you to show you a sign.  Mind you, you have to have your radar on all the time.   You have to be proactive, and practice all the things we mentioned during the early dating scenarios--making eye contact, smiling, being ready and able to drop a clever line to get things rolling – but after that, you step back and wait for the green light, whether it shows up or not.  This is important for a Good Bad Boy, since you only want to go where the lust is, and not where you’re uninvited. 

There is no timetable for any of this, you can go weeks without any positive responses or have two women show they’re interested within an hour.  Consistency is the key, and of course letting go of any expectation as to when and how it’s all supposed to happen.