Subtlety, Eye Contact and The Welcome

Flirtation is an art, and probably the single most important skill you must acquire and become proficient at if you are to be a Good Bad Boy. Flirtation can be one of the most fun and rewarding activities a man can do, if he does it from a balanced perspective with no fixed agenda. 

As with many other items, if you approach flirtation with preconceived notions and lofty expectations, you will probably end up very frustrated and feel completely outside of your own power.  Expert flirtation starts with the very simple, but key concept that’s been repeated throughout this book – Less Is More.

In all interactions with women it is always fatal if you appear to be trying too hard or are way too eager to please or make a favorable impression.   An important notion to always bear in mind is that if you appear unconcerned (do not confuse this with uninterested) at first that will pique the interest of a woman much faster than if you take a direct route.  Women have been getting hit on all their lives, and have heard it all, usually from guys without a clue. 

By simply a taking a contrary route, you'll get much, much further along.  The route you will take is flirtation, the Good Bad Boy way.  Flirtation is a ‘getting to know you’ process, but it involves pacing, subtlety, patience and the ability to think on your feet.

Stepping Into the Good Bad Boy Role

We’re concerned about evolving as a Good Bad Boy, and developing the habit of regularly acting from within yourself towards women, simply by just being you.  This will reap immediate benefits; you will be a man acting on how he feels, being genuine, and communicating in a forthright manner. 

By being yourself, and your actions coming from the inside out, you will be far less reactive and not find yourself trying to fit into a mold of what another person desires just to make points.  More importantly, you’ll feel better about yourself, you will strengthen your resolve and self-assurance, and all of this will just add to your allure and attractiveness to the opposite sex. 

The first step in this all-important process is to establish the foundation of seduction, and that is learning how to master flirtation with women.

Seducing Women the Good Bad Boy Way

In terms of becoming a Good Bad Boy, there is nothing more important than becoming a skilled seducer.  For better or worse, it is the man’s responsibility in our society to do the pursuing, and the women have the role of being pursued.  Like everything else, both sides of this dating equation have their good and bad points. 

I’ve heard many men whine about how they have to do all the work in getting a date with a woman, and like it or not, that’s just the way it goes.  You can complain all you want and fight it, and you’ll spend a lot of time by yourself.  You’re more likely to hit the lottery than have a beautiful woman of substance come out of the blue and chase you down for a rendezvous. 

Look at it from the female side, they have to spend a lot of time avoiding low flying objects (men that pursue them that they want no part of) and I’ve heard many of them wish they could take the upper hand and just go after the guys they want to without all the nonsense.  Some very confident women do this, but they are far and few between; this mindset is very much against the societal upbringing for most women. 

So, like it or not, a Good Bad Boy plays the cards he is dealt, and in this instance, being the pursuer, he recognizes the fun and fabulous opportunity that is handed to him.  By practicing Good Bad Boy techniques, there will now be access to a level of self-control in all interactions with women, so the frustrations many men have in terms of ‘trying to read’ women will be somewhat neutralized.  

By being much more proactive, men now have a fun opportunity to star in their own ‘life movie.’  This is a key point, for it will alter the ineffective dynamic that you’ve been operating under when engaging women, you are now going to start discovering what it is you really want, and then actively going out at trying to attain it.  Don’t concern yourself with the results now, they will come in time. 

Confidence is Everything....

Confidence, as opposed to the above character defects, involves self-assurance.  It defines a feeling of emotional security derived from a faith in oneself.  Confidence is an instinctive certainty in your powers, capabilities and competence.  Having confidence means you don’t have to tell anyone how confident you are, it shows in your actions.  It has nothing to do with what you do in the outside world, but everything to do with who you are – on the inside.  

However, no male was born with confidence when it comes to females.  Some are lucky and gain it earlier than others, and others hide behind their possessions and accomplishments and pretend confidence.  Some never really gain it at all, and still manage to stumble into a relationship with a woman. 

Women find confidence in a man attractive, and they find a man that has confidence when it comes to women really attractive.  Since males are void of this confidence to begin with, how are they possibly expected to become skillful with women?  Confidence comes with doing things repeatedly and then finally reaching a point knowing you can accomplish what you’ve set out to do.  You have to practice, practice, practice – and then practice some more.   Good Bad Boys are always practicing, and as artists and students of women, are always honing their craft. 

‘Fine’, you say, ‘but what am I supposed to practice?’  Since you now have a very basic understanding of the behaviors that women find attractive and the traits they abhor, it’s time to venture out into the real world of pursuing women the Good Bad Boy Way.  With patience, you will do a significantly better job of gaining the attention of women than you have been doing before.  You are now going to boost your confidence in a way that you’ve never experienced before.  

You are now going to learn how to properly seduce a woman.

Your 'Stuff' Doesn't Matter Here......

If you need to boast about your job, possessions, boats, houses, bank account or other items of money, property or prestige, you’re only kidding yourself if you think this is the essence of confidence.  You are deluded if you think all this stuff makes you more attractive to women with substance.  Not only will they be unimpressed, they will view you as someone who is pathetic.  One great example of this was the story of a man who was vertically challenged trying to impress a woman I’ve known for many years, trying to get her to go out on a date with him:

One of his opening lines was, “You know, I’m someone who has a lot of money.”

She feigned being impressed for a moment, and then said, “Really?  Wow.  So how tall are you when you stand on your wallet?”

He slinked away completely emasculated.

Forget Everything and Start Learning......

Unrealistic expectations are a big limitation on your thinking.  You’ve just met a new woman, and there’s a physical chemistry, a mutual attraction.  This is always a good start, but men usually drop the ball from here.   This woman has already gotten quite far being who she is, and your responsibility is to go find out exactly what that is.  Likely she’ll be a whole lot more interesting and appealing than the limited ideal you had to begin with.  Don’t ever underestimate the importance of a bright, cute woman who thinks you’re a big deal.  Think Less!  Open your mind and your heart might just follow it, if you’re lucky. 

By now you should have enough of an understanding of what women respond to positively and negatively to traverse further down the Good Bad Boy path.  Now is a very good opportunity to discuss something that every woman finds very desirable – confidence.

Before defining what confidence means, it’s smart to know exactly what it isn’t.  It isn’t bragging, boastfulness, conceit, self-importance, vanity, snobbery or arrogance.  Fall into any of these behavior characteristics and women will likely crinkle up their noses at the foul aroma your personality is emitting, turn on their heels and walk away.  If you don’t know what the difference between confidence and these other less than wholesome attributes are, you need to learn this distinction right now.

Get Real

What also will aid you in maintaining a balance is to purge your consciousness of previous notions of women in general.  You’re probably like many men and see a new woman you may potentially date as a replication of some cover girl from the latest flashy magazine or website trying to fire up your testosterone.  Not only that, she must be sharp minded.  It’s probably not occurred to you that if this is the standard you hold women to, she’s got a better mind than you do.  The bottom line is if she’s cute, sexy, and reasonably bright and thinks you’ve got something going on that works for her, you’re miles ahead of the unrealistic dreamers that are going home from the clubs inebriated to cuddle and drool onto their pillows--alone.

Unconditional Giving

On the other side, giving has a number of dimensions.  We discussed in the previous chapter the importance of doing kind deeds without expectation of anything in return.  The same goes for giving.  Giving should be done unconditionally, simply because the act itself is one that makes you feel better, and consequently, makes the woman you’re involved with feel better as well.  Giving, in the Good Bad Boy’s thinking, is an extension of how he feels about the woman he’s involved with.  It’s an opportunity to manifest through actions the emotions that are there, and it is a very powerful form of expression. 

Although it is an impossible feat for most men to thoroughly understand women, one aspect of them that is required knowledge is that women are for the most part nurturers.  This means they are natural givers, and do so in a manner that is not about control, it’s just the way women are wired.  Being able to receive from them unconditionally is essential in maintaining a natural balance.  More importantly, it is a guy’s responsibility to give back to a woman to help balance the giving she is doing.  This means not only the small things like knowing and remembering things that are important to her, but going above and beyond expectations with surprises.  Surprises need not be material things, such as trinkets, flowers or other goodies, although they will always be welcome. 

A reliable way to surprise her is to break with the usual routine.  Get off work early and surprise her with the fact that you’ve cooked dinner and set a romantic mood for her to walk into.  This will always get a good reaction, unless you’re such a rotten chef that you’ve burned the crown roast.  No matter, you’ve made the effort and started an evening that will segue nicely when you then take her out to dinner at a restaurant.  Taking these steps shows that you do not take a woman for granted, and that’s she’s appreciated.  And by giving, you get to keep the flow of circulation that is essential to the Circle of Giving and Receiving.  Breaking with routine is good to practice on a regular basis, but don’t overdo it.  The value of being consistent with your words and deeds should never be underestimated. Be consistent but don’t get into a rut with your routine. 

The Circle of Giving and Receiving

Any good relationship, whether it is a new, sexually charged casual encounter or a marriage of many years, requires a level of balance to exist over time.  Giving and receiving is a key component of this balance.  Any relationship where one of the parties gets far more attention than the other or is spending much more time tending to the needs of the other is unbalanced, dysfunctional and unhealthy. 

This is not to say that things should be equal every minute of every day, since people tend to sometimes be more inclined to give than receive and vice versa.  However, over time, things should generally equal out, at least to acceptable levels for the man and the woman.

Now, let’s make some distinctions.  There is a big difference between receiving and taking, and the difference is in the perception, actions and attitude of the recipient.  Receiving involves recognition, gratitude, appreciation, kindness and consideration in regard to the other person’s efforts.  Taking is simply emotional theft – seizing what that other person offers to you with little or no thought of thanks or appreciation. 

It’s obvious that taking is unkind and heartless, and those are characteristics that Good Bad Boys never associate themselves with.  In a balanced equation between people, there will be a comparable level of giving and receiving.  Allowing a more feminine side to emerge involves being able to effectively give and receive.

Balancing Act.....

The next important principal in harmonizing your masculine and feminine sides is learning about the balance between giving and receiving.  On the surface, giving and receiving seems simple enough, but be assured that it is quite challenging.  This is a highly important area as far as being clear on the inside and then translating those feelings and instincts into actions that go out into the world around you.  Again – Think Less and Feel More.

Step back and take a look at the outside world for a moment.  The ultimate authority in Nature is balance.  The size of a herd of animals is balanced against what the land can provide it and the predators that hunt it.   If any of these elements goes out of balance, the other elements are thrown off as well.  If there is not enough food for a herd off the land, the herd suffers loss and the predators have less for their own and they suffer as well.  If there is a lack of hunters, the herd gets too numerous, and the land cannot support them, suffers overuse and the herd overpopulates and can’t sustain itself.  Striking a balance allows for equilibrium between you and other women; an essential balance that has many layers.  Being able to effectively receive as well as give without condition is vitally important. 

Get Your Inner Girl On.....

It is now time to venture further into territory that will baffle most males, but be assured, gaining understanding of it will significantly increase your attractiveness to women.  We’re now going to examine how to access your feminine side.

We’ve already touched on one of the basic foundations of accessing the feminine side, that being the ability to effectively express your feelings.  Too often men have been taught that expressing their feelings is a sign of weakness, and this is quite unfortunate.  Nothing could be further from the truth, at least from the view of women that I’ve known. 

Although sometimes it was not easy for me, the times where I was able to communicate through deep sadness or high elation how I felt to a woman, it helped forge a very strong emotional bridge between us.  Take the following to heart, so to speak – effectively showing and expressing how you feel is a sign of strength, not weakness. 

A real man will cry without hesitation when truly sad, and laugh until he can’t breathe when overcome with joy.  Boys don’t show how they feel; men are comfortable with their feelings and know the importance and significance of them.  This is accessing your feminine side, and women will instinctively be drawn to you because of it.

The Importance of Trust

When the Good Bad Boy and Mr. Nice Guy are put side by side and interact in the proper manner, leading with their strengths, then we have the type of man that we want to become, and the man that many, many women really desire. This is a vital notion, because in regard to trust, a woman will be more than happy to play with a sexy boy, but she will only surrender her heart and soul--and trust--to a man who is genuine and authentic.

This real man is passionate.  In olden tales he was valiant and easily faced danger. His heart is that of a lion, strong, wild yet loyal to those close to him. The daring, dashing, swashbuckling guy that maybe doesn’t have it all figured out, but knew where he stood with women because he understood and loved them. 

Women yearn for this man and want to be swept away by him. Gain a woman’s trust and you’ve taken a giant step towards becoming this man.  This is the type of man that many of them will turn themselves over to willingly once that precious trust is gained.  It is an effort that all Good Bad Boys make and persevere through until they reach this goal, knowing how crucial it is in relation to everything that follows after it.  Now that the importance of acquiring a woman’s deep trust is understood, it is time to move on to the next area in our probing of the female consciousness.  

Good Bad Boy Tip #4

Always bear in mind that trust is earned and you can spend years building it but lose it all in a clueless moment.  Building trust is a process you can control only in respect to your actions, which especially includes what you say.  This is where Mr. Nice Guy is in order – follow his lead in terms of being respectful and kind.  One of the biggest goals here is that when in the company of a woman, your words, deeds and action are that of a confident, poised MAN.  Say what you mean and mean what you say!