Get Real

What also will aid you in maintaining a balance is to purge your consciousness of previous notions of women in general.  You’re probably like many men and see a new woman you may potentially date as a replication of some cover girl from the latest flashy magazine or website trying to fire up your testosterone.  Not only that, she must be sharp minded.  It’s probably not occurred to you that if this is the standard you hold women to, she’s got a better mind than you do.  The bottom line is if she’s cute, sexy, and reasonably bright and thinks you’ve got something going on that works for her, you’re miles ahead of the unrealistic dreamers that are going home from the clubs inebriated to cuddle and drool onto their pillows--alone.

Unconditional Giving

On the other side, giving has a number of dimensions.  We discussed in the previous chapter the importance of doing kind deeds without expectation of anything in return.  The same goes for giving.  Giving should be done unconditionally, simply because the act itself is one that makes you feel better, and consequently, makes the woman you’re involved with feel better as well.  Giving, in the Good Bad Boy’s thinking, is an extension of how he feels about the woman he’s involved with.  It’s an opportunity to manifest through actions the emotions that are there, and it is a very powerful form of expression. 

Although it is an impossible feat for most men to thoroughly understand women, one aspect of them that is required knowledge is that women are for the most part nurturers.  This means they are natural givers, and do so in a manner that is not about control, it’s just the way women are wired.  Being able to receive from them unconditionally is essential in maintaining a natural balance.  More importantly, it is a guy’s responsibility to give back to a woman to help balance the giving she is doing.  This means not only the small things like knowing and remembering things that are important to her, but going above and beyond expectations with surprises.  Surprises need not be material things, such as trinkets, flowers or other goodies, although they will always be welcome. 

A reliable way to surprise her is to break with the usual routine.  Get off work early and surprise her with the fact that you’ve cooked dinner and set a romantic mood for her to walk into.  This will always get a good reaction, unless you’re such a rotten chef that you’ve burned the crown roast.  No matter, you’ve made the effort and started an evening that will segue nicely when you then take her out to dinner at a restaurant.  Taking these steps shows that you do not take a woman for granted, and that’s she’s appreciated.  And by giving, you get to keep the flow of circulation that is essential to the Circle of Giving and Receiving.  Breaking with routine is good to practice on a regular basis, but don’t overdo it.  The value of being consistent with your words and deeds should never be underestimated. Be consistent but don’t get into a rut with your routine. 

The Circle of Giving and Receiving

Any good relationship, whether it is a new, sexually charged casual encounter or a marriage of many years, requires a level of balance to exist over time.  Giving and receiving is a key component of this balance.  Any relationship where one of the parties gets far more attention than the other or is spending much more time tending to the needs of the other is unbalanced, dysfunctional and unhealthy. 

This is not to say that things should be equal every minute of every day, since people tend to sometimes be more inclined to give than receive and vice versa.  However, over time, things should generally equal out, at least to acceptable levels for the man and the woman.

Now, let’s make some distinctions.  There is a big difference between receiving and taking, and the difference is in the perception, actions and attitude of the recipient.  Receiving involves recognition, gratitude, appreciation, kindness and consideration in regard to the other person’s efforts.  Taking is simply emotional theft – seizing what that other person offers to you with little or no thought of thanks or appreciation. 

It’s obvious that taking is unkind and heartless, and those are characteristics that Good Bad Boys never associate themselves with.  In a balanced equation between people, there will be a comparable level of giving and receiving.  Allowing a more feminine side to emerge involves being able to effectively give and receive.

Balancing Act.....

The next important principal in harmonizing your masculine and feminine sides is learning about the balance between giving and receiving.  On the surface, giving and receiving seems simple enough, but be assured that it is quite challenging.  This is a highly important area as far as being clear on the inside and then translating those feelings and instincts into actions that go out into the world around you.  Again – Think Less and Feel More.

Step back and take a look at the outside world for a moment.  The ultimate authority in Nature is balance.  The size of a herd of animals is balanced against what the land can provide it and the predators that hunt it.   If any of these elements goes out of balance, the other elements are thrown off as well.  If there is not enough food for a herd off the land, the herd suffers loss and the predators have less for their own and they suffer as well.  If there is a lack of hunters, the herd gets too numerous, and the land cannot support them, suffers overuse and the herd overpopulates and can’t sustain itself.  Striking a balance allows for equilibrium between you and other women; an essential balance that has many layers.  Being able to effectively receive as well as give without condition is vitally important. 

Get Your Inner Girl On.....

It is now time to venture further into territory that will baffle most males, but be assured, gaining understanding of it will significantly increase your attractiveness to women.  We’re now going to examine how to access your feminine side.

We’ve already touched on one of the basic foundations of accessing the feminine side, that being the ability to effectively express your feelings.  Too often men have been taught that expressing their feelings is a sign of weakness, and this is quite unfortunate.  Nothing could be further from the truth, at least from the view of women that I’ve known. 

Although sometimes it was not easy for me, the times where I was able to communicate through deep sadness or high elation how I felt to a woman, it helped forge a very strong emotional bridge between us.  Take the following to heart, so to speak – effectively showing and expressing how you feel is a sign of strength, not weakness. 

A real man will cry without hesitation when truly sad, and laugh until he can’t breathe when overcome with joy.  Boys don’t show how they feel; men are comfortable with their feelings and know the importance and significance of them.  This is accessing your feminine side, and women will instinctively be drawn to you because of it.

The Importance of Trust

When the Good Bad Boy and Mr. Nice Guy are put side by side and interact in the proper manner, leading with their strengths, then we have the type of man that we want to become, and the man that many, many women really desire. This is a vital notion, because in regard to trust, a woman will be more than happy to play with a sexy boy, but she will only surrender her heart and soul--and trust--to a man who is genuine and authentic.

This real man is passionate.  In olden tales he was valiant and easily faced danger. His heart is that of a lion, strong, wild yet loyal to those close to him. The daring, dashing, swashbuckling guy that maybe doesn’t have it all figured out, but knew where he stood with women because he understood and loved them. 

Women yearn for this man and want to be swept away by him. Gain a woman’s trust and you’ve taken a giant step towards becoming this man.  This is the type of man that many of them will turn themselves over to willingly once that precious trust is gained.  It is an effort that all Good Bad Boys make and persevere through until they reach this goal, knowing how crucial it is in relation to everything that follows after it.  Now that the importance of acquiring a woman’s deep trust is understood, it is time to move on to the next area in our probing of the female consciousness.  

Good Bad Boy Tip #4

Always bear in mind that trust is earned and you can spend years building it but lose it all in a clueless moment.  Building trust is a process you can control only in respect to your actions, which especially includes what you say.  This is where Mr. Nice Guy is in order – follow his lead in terms of being respectful and kind.  One of the biggest goals here is that when in the company of a woman, your words, deeds and action are that of a confident, poised MAN.  Say what you mean and mean what you say!