Watch What You Say

As much as you may avoid it, you’ll have to show some sides of yourself.  One of my favorite hobbies involves vintage BMWs, and I’m fully aware that it’s not an interest shared by 99.9% of women out there.  However, I’m passionate about it, and it’s something I do because it comes from deep within me, having been around cars all through my youth.  A woman may not share the passion for the subject, but she will respond to how much I love it and how it’s important to me – they will feel how genuine it is. 

Do not be afraid to mention something you like to do, and that you love.  If you get a strange response to it, she’s not someone you’re going to want to invest a lot of time in anyway.  A really important aspect of these early moments in any relationship, regardless of what the parameters will eventually be, is getting to know who you are dealing with here.  Regardless of what fantasies are spinning around in your head at this time, you must pay attention to what is being said to you, and what actions you are seeing, both from within or as a response to what you are saying and doing.                       
Families are often a safe topic, and inquiries to any sisters, brothers, parents, where they are located, what they are up to is usually a good strategy.  You can glean a good amount of information from someone depending on their relationship with the rest of their family, and you can be sure she will be thinking the same thing about you as well. 

Particularly important from her standpoint is how your relationships are with your mother and sisters.  Rightly or wrongly, a woman will make suppositions based on what you tell her regarding your relationship with the female members of your family.  So, if there are any difficulties between you and your mom or sisters, now would be the time to soft pedal it.  Don’t lie about it, that’s never allowed, but there’s no need to get into any grisly details.  The last thing you want is to have family baggage become part of the mix this early in the game. 

Gathering Information......

An important piece of information is a woman's availability status.  There is most definitely a right way and a wrong way to go about this.  Don’t ask if she’s dating anyone else, what she’s looking for, what online dating sites she’s currently on, how many Facebook friends she has, who is texting you now or any other ridiculous questions that will end the evening early for you.  A flirtatious way of going about it is to first thank her for coming out and being with you that evening, which shows gratitude. 

Next you can inquire as to why such a special, lovely, attractive, striking (pick one, don’t use them all) woman as herself is available.  After all, you rarely find that someone of her caliber is accessible (make sure you say this!) and you were curious about it.  Let her take it from there, she’ll likely say something along the lines of not finding the right guy yet, she’s been far too busy to date seriously, and so on.  While being flirtatious, it is a polite inquiry to her status, you actually do want to know if she’s just broken up with someone, ending a long marriage, or is a serial dater.  These factors will affect the course of actions later, or sooner as each case may be.

Now, it may seem like trying to fill a couple of hours hoping to enhance your attractiveness through your conversation is a huge task, but you will be surprised what happens when a topic of mutual interest comes up.  It all may seem like a frustrating form of twenty questions, but keep in mind what the goals are here, and that should help reinstate your incentive.  You will just have to endeavor to find the right conversational topics, and try to think more like the woman in front of you, as much as you can.  Make sure you avoid polarizing topics such as religion or politics, unless she happens to volunteer information and you are on the same page with her.  That is a green light to proceed on that subject.  If she happens to be a staunch conservative and you’re a liberal’s liberal, or vice versa, politely keep your mouth shut and keep those cards close to your vest. 

Differences like these can be problematic, but not always fatal, so let things play out.  Ask what she likes to do in her free time, and hopefully there is some common ground there. 

Zen Seduction

Part of being in this Zone is being able to process information, and communicate it to your date in a matter that enhances your attractiveness. If you are dining, express how tasty your dish is, and have a small forkful of your dish at the ready as you offer her a taste of it. This assumes you haven’t ordered something way off the chart, like sweetbreads or other esoteric cuts of meat. Save the adventurous menu choices for a much later time and don’t stray too far from the middle of the road, but don’t be too typical either! 

Hopefully she’ll bite, so to speak, so you can gently place the fork in front of her, and she’ll either take it from your hand, or hopefully lean forward so you can gently put it to her lips, and she can take it from there. Maybe she’ll respond in kind and offer you a bite of her dish as well. Happily accept her offer and find what she’s having tasting delicious, regardless of what she has ordered! 

All these small little things add up over a course of an evening, so while on the one hand you’re paying attention to everything she has to say, you also have to be mindful of those moments where you will rack up the attractiveness points. This is the realm of Mr. Nice Guy, with the Good Bad Boy at his ear. So, just flow with your inner Nice Guy, we’ll send him off later when he’s no longer required.

Again we must invoke Less is More. Keep the conversation light and simple, inquisitive, fun and friendly. This is you getting to know someone for the first time, not a grilling for a job interview. Being too intense, obtuse or just plain weird will torpedo your chances. 

Your goal is to be as attractive as possible, and now is not the time to volunteer the extent of your baseball card collection, and so forth. You will have to talk to some degree, but don’t try to over impress, just stay within yourself. Don’t use words that can only be found in a thesaurus (you DO know what a thesaurus is, correct?) unless your date clearly demonstrates an advanced grasp on the English language – and assuming you can keep up with her. You’ll know quickly if you’ve blundered off the path, you’ll be getting a distant, glassy look back at you – your date has disconnected and you’ll have to struggle to get her back. 

Part of the challenge here is seeking the common and comfortable level between both of you and that entails not only what you say, but how you say it as well. Guys are always in such a hurry at this stage – at all stages, really – but you must pace yourself. Coming on like the Running of the Bulls at Pamplona will rarely, if ever, gain any favor. 

Be engaging, flirtatious, make lots of eye contact, smile, but don’t overdo it. It sounds tricky, but with practice it will all flow naturally.

Working Towards The Zone

Since you’re off to a good start, make sure you keep on track by staying out of your head, and drop all the agendas you may have.  Spend time genuinely getting to know this woman.  An easy question in any major city, since there are so many transplants, is the ‘are you from the area, or did you move here’ query, and from that you can ask all manner of questions showing your interest,  from ‘what was it like here as a kid’ to ‘what was it like growing up in ___________?’ 

Hopefully you’re starting to get the idea.  After a short while you’ll be less conscious of what you’re trying to say and actually be in the flow of the conversation, which is the natural rhythm a Good Bad Boy will seek.  Conversation should flow, with interest, and sometimes each of you unintentionally interrupting the other, not out of rudeness, but more in the excitement of the moment.  Be polite, kind, genuine, smile often, flirt with your eyes, and engage on many levels. 

Most of all, have fun with all this, it’s important, but not a matter of life or death.  If after a while you realize you’ve been bantering back and forth and a lot of time has slipped by without you realizing it, you’ve now stepped into the Seduction Zone.

Good Bad Boy Tip #7

Good Bad Boys know ahead of time to look for certain visual cues – jewelry, earrings, lipstick, accessories, and comment favorably on them.  She took time and effort to pick out something to make a statement, reward her by noticing it.  Guys are always missing the subtle visual efforts when it comes to women. 

Keep it simple, such as “what a lovely scarf” or “that’s a beautiful necklace”.  She’ll feel it’s an authentic statement and you’ve made an impression that you’re different.  You can delve further; ask her where she bought it, or if there’s a story behind it, which often there is. 

This will get the conversation dynamic flowing and ease the comfort level.

Watch Your Mouth.....

Despite how clever you may think you are, the more you blab, the less likely you are to come off as being attractive.  It’s just simple numbers, you have a better chance of surviving walking through a field with one landmine as opposed to one hundred, and you should view your conversation as the same, you will have to try to have everything you say really count for something.  

For starters, always take notice of how she looks, and be complimentary.   Women always love getting compliments on their appearance, it’s something that’s hard to overdo.  Do not be a doofus and say something awful like “You look hot” while you gawk at her. 

A woman will be very pleasantly surprised by the level of attention you’re now paying to her and she will be very appreciative – and your stock will be rising quickly in her mind.



 

Lose Your Ego

So, regardless of whether you’re picking her up, or meeting her there, you’ll now have an evening full of challenges, risks and potential rewards, and you’ll have to get the ball rolling by starting conversation. 

Again, the goal here is to learn about her, so asking her how her day went is always a good start.  Again, there is no fixed ‘script’ to get you through the evening;  you will have to earn your Good Bad Boy stripes through patience and practice.  However, there are some parameters you should follow, and at the very least, it will make the learning curve a little bit easier.

As stated earlier, one of the big goals is to feel more and think less, and during a first date evening you will be sorely tested to think as little as possible.  If you’re spending a lot of time during the evening thinking about something clever to say, you’re paying too much attention to what’s going on between your ears and not enough on the cute woman in front of you.  Big Mistake! 

What you need to realize is that your main goal is to make yourself as attractive as possible in these early stages, and while good appearance always counts, with most women it’s who you are that really attracts – or repels them. 

Becoming a Seduction Artist

You’ve managed to secure the attentions of a woman who would like to see you for a first date, which is an admirable accomplishment, but now your work really begins.  You have several days to get yourself into Good Bad Boy condition to be ready to move yourself and this potential lover onto the next level, and it will involve some planning.  Hopefully you’ve had some practice at setting up a first date, but we’ll go over it just to make sure.  

Firstly, you need to nail down a spot that will provide a proper setting for your first date – romantic, sexy, a seductive environment.  You may already know just the place, if not, with practice, you’ll have a list of these places in your head and not have to think twice about it.  Make sure it’s someplace that isn’t too loud or bright or crowded, too many distractions that interfere with making a strong one on one connection are to be avoided.  Hip, trendy places are usually too much of a ‘scene’, but places that were popular a year or more ago (provided they’re still in business), and are not as hot as they were many times is a great pick.  Additionally, places with a nice lounge as well as dining is a smart choice, and make dinner reservations for a half hour after you plan on showing up. 

You can start the evening in the lounge over cocktails and after chatting and flirting for a little while, you can transition right into a nice meal, if that’s what you both want at that moment.  The point here is to make sure you have all the bases covered, and be able to offer choices at any given point.  When you call your new acquaintance for your first get together, you want to offer several choices for her to choose from, as well as being open to take her to her favorite place, if she has one she likes to go to.  Women respond positively and are attracted to men who plan these things and make sure everything is already taken care of. 

Good Bad Boys try to plan ahead and cover as many contingences in advance as they can.  Women are attracted to a guy who has thought it all out ahead of time and has everything covered, because you took the time and made the effort to make the evening special for her.  Once you have agreed on a place, be sure to offer to pick her up and drive her there and back, one because it’s the Good Bad Boy way, and secondly it will help to make fulfilling the evening’s goal easier – which we’ll get to later. 

Often a woman will want to meet you at the restaurant instead of picking her up, which is an understandable safety reason since you are still a stranger. If that’s the case, meet her there and for goodness sakes, be on time.

Time to GO!

Alright, so you’ve had a short conversation with an attractive woman and you’re feeling some simpatico there.  There’s flirtation, lots of eye contact, lots of smiling, a few laughs – because you were of course clever and witty in your few precious sentences – and everything is going great.  So, now it’s time to leave! 

It is quite understandable that this is against every cell in your body that feels it has the green light to move forward into some serious fun and games. However, one of the most important aspects of the journey to becoming a Good Bad Boy is knowing how to build desire in a woman in any particular moment, and at this moment you have a huge opportunity to do so.  Anticipation is one of the most powerful aphrodisiacs, yet it is poorly understood and in our current society that puts so much emphasis on instant gratification, it is even more poorly utilized. 

You’ve made a great impression on this woman you’ve just met; now let it simmer with her for a few days.  You want her thinking about you, wondering a bit about you, as you will be wondering about her.  Just simply say something along the lines of “This has been really lovely.  I wish I had more time to speak with you further, but I have an appointment that I need to get to now.  I would love to take you out very soon and spend some more time getting to know you better.”  If all is going as it should, she will acknowledge the same and say that she would like that as well.  Ask her for her number and let her know you will give her a call tomorrow to discuss a mutual plan and date.  If you tell her you will call tomorrow, make damn sure you call tomorrow.  

Your actions and your words must always line up together, but it’s especially important in the first few days of any connection.  Good Bad Boys always work this way, without exception.  There is no reason to have words and deeds at odds with each other.  You will just appear flakey, and women will avoid you consistently.

Once you have the number, thank her, take her hand gently and drape it over yours as if you were to kiss her hand.  Don’t kiss it, that’s just too Victorian and weird these days, but take your other hand and gently put it over hers so that her hand is between both of yours and give it a gentle squeeze.  Look her straight in the eyes, give her a huge smile and wish her a wonderful day.  Then gently let her hand go, turn and walk away.  And do not look back at her, no matter how much validation you think you need!  You have made a huge step forward on the path of being a Good Bad Boy.  You’re learning how to be attractive to women, and how to win them over with your words and actions. 

Now that you’ve made it this far, you’re ready to take the next very fun filled step.