Humility is Hot

As a Good Bad Boy, you will have special knowledge and skills, it will almost seem like you are privy to the most obvious secret in the world that is right under every guy’s nose.  However, that does not give you license to flaunt it or act like you’re better than every guy out there. 


We’ve mentioned that being full of yourself is a turn off, and that will never change.  There is no room for complacency on the Good Bad Boy path.  As soon as you think you’ve ‘arrived’, you need to take stock of your attitude.  Humility is the only attitude to have, and when that is coupled with sexual confidence, you have a combination that is irresistible to many, many women.  Besides, it’s much more fun to think that there are unlimited sensual delights out there waiting for you to discover, and you’ll never find them all! 


Simply take on a very basic mindset that was touched on earlier in this book, and one that many spiritual teachers advocate.  Be focused on the journey, and all the rewards that you’ll uncover along the way.  Good Bad Boys already know there is no ‘destination’ or ‘finish line’; all the satisfaction and fulfillment comes from the process, from all that you experience and gather along the way.  You never want to be so blasé that you really feel you’ve ‘been there and done that’ sexually.  That would be a bore.  There is always something new and exciting awaiting you, whether you’ve just started this process or have been in a committed relationship for years. 


It all comes from a humble attitude, and knowing the world out there is a whole lot bigger than you are.  If you truly acquire this refreshing take on things, most days will feel like there is some great new surprise out there waiting, and it’s the difference between living a full life and merely existing.  You have the choice, so which one do you prefer?

Good Bad Boy Tip #12

Honoring the relationships you’ve committed to will always take priority.  There may be the rare instance where your current girlfriend has no problem with this, or may even want to get to know your old flame. 

Don’t count on it though, the far majority of the time ‘exes’ are less than welcome.  Keeping the women you currently or previously have been involved with separated from each other is a very safe and healthy habit.

The Most Important Destination

One of the most significant goals you will strive for as a Good Bad Boy is to secure a special place in the heart of women you are involved with, regardless of what the commitment level is.  Men mistakenly have the notion that it’s ‘all or nothing’ with women, that you’re either emotionally aloof, just a ‘friend with benefits’ or completely committed and monogamous.  Women cover much more of a spectrum emotionally and what they are looking for can cover a very wide range, so don’t assume anything, just let it be revealed to you. 

What matters is that you act like a secure, confident man around a woman, particularly in regard to sexual matters.  If you are forthright throughout, regardless of the level of involvement, you will always be held in a fond regard by a woman, and this is a worthy goal.  Most of the time it is the very simple idea of being a decent fellow and by now this should be standard operating procedure to you.  You’re not (hopefully) a jerk to your guy friends – so give the women in your life the same benefit, and you’ll gain much more than you expect. 

Developing a relationship with the woman that you’ve been intimately involved with into a close confidant and friend is a rare and special situation.  You can have someone who knows you in a unique way, and be able to offer counsel and suggestions that come from a place that your other pals will never be able to approach.  You will always be adored by this woman on some level, and adoration by a woman is a very worthy accomplishment that most men do not achieve, much less appreciate. 

This is a special reward for being a Good Bad Boy, over time you may have several women that you can rely on for a special perspective on things, and their take on your life is something, like all input from your support network, to be valued and considered.  It is a unique friendship and one that has a special level of trust, as well as a level of connection that will always be there.  Cultivating these long term friendships, with or without the sexual component to them, is well worth the effort.  The only caveat is that over time people do get involved in more committed relationships and an old lover’s new boyfriend may not appreciate your ‘special’ friendship, or you may have a new committed relationship and she may feel uncomfortable with a past flame as well.

Being True to You

With a bit of time you will know your partner better and have an idea of what works sexually and where to explore and where not to.  Obviously communication is the key to all this or it will take much longer than necessary to uncover important facts.  Some of this is trial and error, getting the balance between being a nice guy and being a naughty seducer that women want to succumb to takes practice and is different with every woman.  Considering the rewards, this practice is time well spent, and it’s not exactly an onerous task.  The best attribute you can exercise to further your goal is to be patient.  We’ve discussed this earlier, but it can’t be overstressed.


In the big picture a Good Bad Boy is trying to act on his feelings and go from the ‘inside out’ as opposed to reacting to whatever stimuli is coming at him.  As earlier stated, Nature always exists in balance, and you are to do the same.  It will take a little time to properly juxtapose your inner Nice Guy with the Good Bad Boy, but it will come in time.  The only way is to do it, and you will be very surprised at how open your partner will be if you’ve provided a safe and respectful environment for her.  The biggest challenge men have had to face in the past 40 or so years is the contradiction of women wanting to be treated as equals in every aspect of the everyday world – which is appropriate and desired – and the fact that many women look to be guided by a strong male presence when it comes to physical intimacy.  It has proven to be an impossible chasm for most men, and the only way to bridge it is to have the Nice Guy and the Good Bad Boy know their places and call on them when the time is right. 


Despite the appearance that this is all very mysterious and difficult to intellectualize, at least from a male perspective, if you show a woman you are involved with that she is important, you will avoid many difficulties.  These are basic rules that have been already discussed, but you may have already forgotten them!  Be attentive, caring, nurturing, and make the woman you are with feel like she’s number one with you, even if your mutual understanding of your relationship is casual and non-committal.  Being present and reliable, and having your words be consistent with your actions, will enable you to avoid having the ‘Player’ label slapped on you.  Good Bad Boys never want to be called that, even in a ribbing manner, the undertone of the Player definition implies that you are only interested in having sex with a woman and that all the other important aspects that round everything out to a fulfilling experience are of no importance. 


It is imperative that you avoid being viewed in these terms at all costs.  If a woman feels you are really a Player, she will keep you at arms length, because Players are just simply Bad Boys, despite all the sugar and charm they may pour over on a woman they’re trying to seduce.  Players often times are selfish jerks that border on misogynists.  Have your actions and how a woman views and feels about you be as far away from the Player label as possible.  If you shortcut any of the topics we discussed up to this point, you run the risk of being viewed in these very unpleasant terms.  Don’t stray from the Good Bad Boy path.

Staying the Higher Course

Additionally, it is very important to spend some time examining how you are to behave moving forward with someone you are now intimately involved with.  This is not alluding to a relationship discussion, which will be touched on more in the final chapter.   You’ve already been clear with her on what she can expect from you emotionally, and until that changes on either side, you keep the lines of communication open and behave in a manner that is consistent on what you’ve told her to expect from you.  Anything short of this is not Good Bad Boy behavior, it is furtive and disrespectful. A lack of forthrightness and being honest and timely in your emotional communications will hurt those you interact with, but most importantly, the person you will damage the most will be yourself.  You’ve put a lot of time and effort into being a man that women want to be with, so you now must always take the high road – there are no exceptions.


The point that most men miss, and that Good Bad Boys already know, is that if you are caring, honest, communicative and respectful to a woman you are involved with, regardless whether you’ve been together ten days or ten years, you will have available to you everything you desire physically, and then some.  Mr. Nice Guy has to have his place and here is where he is best utilized.  Once a woman feels that she can depend on you emotionally, it will be much easier for you to lead where you want to go physically.  Spending the time establishing this base of care and trust is vitally important, regardless of what the relationship dynamics are.  This foundation must be in place to be able to fully explore your Good Bad Boy potential and possibilities.


There is no secret to all this, just be a decent, honest, communicative, ‘stand-up’ guy – for some reason these men don’t seem to come along that often, so once again you’ve differentiated yourself from the herd.  Most men are afraid to directly and honestly communicate how they feel to a woman, for fear that what they may say will upset them and ruin everything.  I can assure you that not saying what you feel will do far more damage in time.  Be a Good Bad Boy and always say how you feel – in honest, caring terms, of course!  

The High Road of Quiet Confidence

How you carry yourself through each of your days is now important.  You have more confidence now that you’ve been fortunate enough to gain some understanding on what women are looking for when initially encountering a man.  Let this quiet confidence permeate through all your words and deeds, particularly with the opposite sex – it will add to your attraction.  If you are to truly evolve as a Good Bad Boy, you are to take your new found knowledge and modestly hold it in reserve until it’s called for.  The worst thing you could do at this point is misuse your new skills and become a jerk.  Alas, this is a very easy thing to do.

There is a fine line that runs between confidence, conceit and arrogance.  Be charming and playful in your interactions and hint at what you may have in store.  Acting like you’re a complete stud and everyone should honor you for it is completely gross.  You’ll be just like one of those Neanderthal single guys that used to roam the discos in the 1970’s with 10 pounds of gold chains blaring through shirts open to their fat stomachs.  Women have mastered the art of being mysterious, so you’ll do well to be modest, play things close to the vest and let a woman discover all those fun things about you as well.  This is balanced and both parties will enjoy the hunt.  


Just because you think you know how to bed a woman doesn’t mean you now get to do it any faster, you still have to take the time involved to properly interest and seduce a woman – that will never change.  If you go back to the old thinking of just trying to get a woman into bed as quickly as possible, even with your new knowledge, not only have you failed all the lessons we’ve discussed, you’ve actually regressed, since you are now supposed to know better.  You’re on a new path now, there is no turning back – moving forward is where the rewards are.  Be modest and humble, and show all the caring and concern we discussed in the earlier chapters, these are attributes that are now permanent.

Working Smart

As briefly mentioned before, despite your appearance efforts and making best use of what you’ve got, you will not make every woman perspire with anticipation when you walk into a room.  In fact, you will not catch the eye of most women when you walk into a room, unless you really possess Hollywood leading man looks, and even then it’s touch and go. 

The good news is you don’t have the time or capacity to handle all of that attention, despite what you may think, and catching the eye of even a small percentage of the women you come across still translates into a large number.  The reality is that trying to date more than two or three women at a time, as much fun as it may seem in your head, would start to work against the quality of your life, as you would find little time to yourself and being much more reactionary to your social life, as opposed to actively defining it.  You’ll be less happy with more women and happier with less, even though that seems counterintuitive to almost every male out there.  Once again – Less is More.  Get one at a time down first and then you can concern yourself with adding more if that’s your interest.

Since you don’t have to worry about appealing to the masses of women out there, your task now is to find those few that you will really connect with.  The hardest part of this is the patience involved because a woman who wants to get closer to you will let you know it, but in a subtle manner.  Your task is to make sure you’re alert enough to pick the signal up when it is sent your way and be ready for it, regardless of how long it takes.  This simply means is you go about your normal routine, and at all times be prepared to hone your Good Bad Boy skills. 

Instead of being like most men, trying to impress yourself onto a woman that really isn’t interested, you’ll patiently wait for one that is interested in you to show you a sign.  Mind you, you have to have your radar on all the time.   You have to be proactive, and practice all the things we mentioned during the early dating scenarios--making eye contact, smiling, being ready and able to drop a clever line to get things rolling – but after that, you step back and wait for the green light, whether it shows up or not.  This is important for a Good Bad Boy, since you only want to go where the lust is, and not where you’re uninvited. 

There is no timetable for any of this, you can go weeks without any positive responses or have two women show they’re interested within an hour.  Consistency is the key, and of course letting go of any expectation as to when and how it’s all supposed to happen.