Obviousness Is Never Sexy

If nothing else, don’t be obvious.  What this means is don’t telegraph that the only thing coursing through your head is sex, like most men do at this time, and most times, for that matter.  On top of figuring out what to say, you must be mindful of how you present it. 

Be respectful, polite, show genuine interest.  If you are authentic in your intent and manner it will show, as well as it will be clear when you are being insincere.   Good Bad Boys are artists, and like all artists, practice is essential.  No man was born with all the skills of seduction; they are learned, and then practiced.  While many times practice can be a chore, I can assure you that engaging in flirtatious banter with a cute woman is anything but work. 

Just get out there, be yourself and give it a try.  This isn’t calculus; even the most romantically unskilled fellow will be able to carry a polite conversation with a little bit of work.

Now, assuming you’ve managed to negotiate these difficult waters to this point, you need to know when to get out.  Ideally, you’ll just spend a few minutes establishing a bond, and then excuse yourself and get lost, so you can see her on a legitimate date.  Now, if you should happen to have the good fortune of sitting next to an attractive woman on a cross country flight, or some other place where you’re not going anywhere for a while,  you’ll have to pace yourself, and have several small conversations over the course of the trip and go back and forth between chatting with her and whatever you may have to keep yourself occupied. 

Always bring interesting reading material with you on trips, it provides great conversation fodder, and a chance for you to cleverly ‘broadcast’ some interesting aspect of you without you having to bring it up. 

Authentic Interest......

A key aspect at this point is to indicate a genuine interest in the woman you’re speaking with, so you should be doing more listening than speaking.  Remember your lessons!  Ask questions, but don’t be obvious. 

Asking what kind of work she does is lame and uninspired.  You want to know who she is, not what she does.  Work life will come up in conversation eventually, and if she brings the topic up, just let her know matter of factly what you do, and move onto other things, you want to show you are interested in things beyond work life. 

Show interest, but don’t be arrogant, if something she says comes up and you’re not familiar with the topic, don’t act like you know all about it.  Admit you’re not familiar with the subject--but you want to know more.  This will get her talking and you can show interest. 

You want to be doing much more listening and it’s a bit of a poker game, but by listening you’re collecting important information that you will be noting for later.  Sure you’ll need to chime in here and there, but brevity is essential.  Just make sure your responses are more than monosyllabic.   She needs something to work with as well! 

This is the kind of thinking and actions that will get you further.  It shows humility, and women will always take a humble guy over a know-it-all.  This will all require practice, and if you can convince a wife or girlfriend of a close friend to help you role play, you will get this all down much more quickly.  She’ll appreciate the gift certificate you give her to her favorite store for her time – generosity is a good trait to develop along with everything else!

Good Bad Boy Tip #6

There is not that ‘one word’ or ‘clever phrase’ that will hit a switch and make her yours, although there is plenty you can say that will leave you by yourself. Just be easy, build up slowly; do not rush. 

Depending where you are, you can ask about the situation or location. If you’re at an event, you can ask what brings her to it, what her interest in it is. If at a party, ask about the hosts, and her connection to them. Be upbeat and friendly; don’t be negative. Negativity will kill your chances instantly, and mark you as a downer type of person. 

Most importantly, don’t over talk! Most men suffer from this serious problem. You are trying to build a connection, and yakking about all aspects of your life will always do lots of damage!

Listen and remember, LESS IS MORE.

How Sexy is an Attitude....

Good Bad Boys are always seeking a woman who is sexy, and being sexy is completely independent of appearance.  Don’t be mistaken, a knockout hottie with a sexy attitude is incredible, but there are many people out there, men and women, that look amazing, but they are anything but sexy.  Sexy is an attitude, and it is carried by the owner with confidence.  Becoming a Good Bad Boy is all about having that sexy attitude.  You want to match up with a woman who understands that and operates from the same state of mind.  A big part of being sexy – and more importantly, unsexy--is what comes out of your mouth.

So you’re now at the green light, you’ve gotten a smile and an inviting look.  Go and say hi.  You’ll likely get a hello back, but likely little else, at least at first.  Attractive women get hit on all the time, and now you’ll have to differentiate yourself from those that fell down at this point.  For better or worse, this is an area that gets better with practice, although those that can think quickly on their feet and speak well will have an advantage. As mentioned earlier, you can trot out a corny line, but if you’re charming and sincere you can make it work.  You almost have to step outside of yourself and orchestrate the situation, think about your actions, words, what you’re to say, what you are hearing.  There is a reason why this is the stumbling block for so many, and why Good Bad Boys begin to separate themselves from others at this point.  The irony is, as important as this point is, acting and really believing that it is not that big deal at all will serve you well.  Just relax; the world will keep spinning, regardless of the outcome here. 
 

Be deliberate, do not rush, think a moment before you say anything, this will help your mystique.  A woman has decided that you’re attractive and she’s hoping there’s something interesting upstairs in your head that will want her to investigate further.   Don’t let her down!

Let The Cooler Head Prevail

If you are fortunate enough and get the green light to explore further, as mentioned earlier you will have to engage in some light conversation.  It is important to note that this is a very key juncture; this is where a woman will get a first real impression of you beyond your appearance and what you say and how you say it.  It will determine whether your time together will last quite a while with great fun and fulfillment, or only another awkward and uncomfortable five minutes.  There are thousands of very, very attractive people in all the major cities who suddenly become very unattractive once they open their mouths and set their tongues wagging.  Make sure you don’t become one of the uninspired masses.   What you say specifically is of course dependent on what topics come up in conversation, so it is impossible to ‘script’ a perfect encounter.  However, there are some guidelines that should be followed here that will maximize your chances for moving this initial flirtation to a full blown first date, which is your only goal at this point.

 

Probably the most important rule at this moment is, no matter how striking, sexy, how she appears physically, how deep her eyes are, how well she is dressed – do not think at all about having sex with this person.  Males regularly falter here, as they switch over to letting their hormones do the thinking for them.  Your judgment will become clouded, and your motives will be transparent.  Of course, for some, this is a staggering task, but it is essential that you put forth the impression that you are interested in this person in ways other than sex.  Do not underestimate this!  Do what you have to do, think of her as a friend, someone’s sister who would kill you if you touched her, anything that gets your one-track mind off of bedding her.   Besides, you’re trying to determine if this person is someone you want to get to know better, establish a connection to help stoke the fire, and your preconceived sexual ideas will only get in the way of all of this.

Pay Attention!

A good example of this is that I was recently hiking on a local mountain trail near where I live, and it was an unusually hot day for late in the winter in Southern California.  I was heading up a particularly steep part of the hill and noticed an attractive woman up ahead who was going slowly due to the heat and steepness.  As I caught up with her, she looked back at me, and I just said in a friendly voice “summer’s here early, sure is a hot one out here today.”  With that she laughed a bit, smiled and nodded her head. 

I established a commonality with the situation surrounding us, a great way to start a conversation.  If I chose to it would have been simple to converse further and get to know more about her, but my schedule was very tight and I moved on up the trail.  The point here is establishing a common bond will be a great first step to the rest of the encounter. 
 
It will be obvious if there is further to go with woman within minutes.  You will feel the difference.  You will know inside you that a woman is genuinely returning your conversation and eye contact in a way that shows that she’s interested in you as well, just as you will know that she’s being polite and not interested in you beyond a passing verbal exchange. 

The signs will all be there if a woman is showing genuine interest, the return of eye contact, a smile, questions or conversation that show interest.  Make sure you pay attention to what’s going on in front of you and stay out of projecting in your head!  When all of these signs are there, you can happily proceed further.  If not, don’t waste everyone’s time and move on. 

No always means no and if you think otherwise and try to change that, you’ll do lots more damage than good.  If you have to think hard about whether a woman is interested in you, trying to ‘read between the lines’ and so on, be assured there’s nothing there for you, or at best the effort involved will not justify what comes of it.  Bid a polite adieu and continue with your day. 

Your goal is to go where you are wanted and your attentions are welcomed.

Being Cogent

When a woman returns your look and your smile it is a good sign, a welcome and friendly return to your flirtation.  However, remember that this doesn’t mean that you’re home free and a sexy first date is moments away! 

She may just be a flirtatious girl who’s already attached that likes this kind of attention, she’ll smile back at you as she walks on her way and gets on with the rest of her life.  She also may just be polite and friendly and enjoy the interplay. 

Just because a woman returns your smile and is friendly in return doesn’t mean she’s thinking on the same plane you are.  To really determine a potential match, it is now essential to engage a potential date in some light conversation.

You can have all the eye contact, smiling and flirtation you desire, but you have to open your mouth and have some meaningful words come out of it if you’re to achieve any level of intimacy.  Again, as stressed throughout this book, keep the conversation simple. 

A commentary on the weather, traffic, and goings on in the area, and so on is a good start, but being clever is always good.  You can even try a cheesy line like “If I had a nickel for every time I saw someone as beautiful as you, I'd have five cents” – as long as you deliver it in a charming manner with a smile – not with an agenda attached.   

You’ll have to think on your feet and try to be friendly, but if you think too much you’ll probably sink yourself.  Don’t over think, don’t assume anything, you will almost certainly kill any chance you have if you do.  Save the ‘get to know you’ questions for the first date, if you’re skilled enough to get there.  Your only task here is to determine if there is a mutual indication of interest, and you should know one way or the other after a short verbal exchange. 

Just be yourself! 

You Are Not All That.....Yet

However, far more often than not, your friendly eye gesture and smile will not be returned to the level you probably hope.  Get used to the real life fact that you are not all things to all women out there, and most of them will not share your enthusiasm for a little get together to know each other better. 

Generally women will catch your eye, and then turn their stare away; sometimes they will even smile politely before they turn their attention elsewhere.  This is completely normal and to be expected, it is by no means an indication of your lack of skills or attractiveness. 

You don’t want to spend your time trying to get the attention of a woman that is not interested in you, regardless of how cute she is or how you think the two of you would get along great together – even though you’ve not even talked with her yet! 

This is just part of the process of getting you connected with a woman that is genuinely interested.  What you want is to find those women that are attracted to you, and they will let you know in the most simple of ways. 

Good Bad Boy Tip #5

If you see an attractive woman, look her in the eyes, wait for her to return your gaze and when your eyes meet, make sure you give her a friendly, warm smile.  Seems ridiculously easy, but it’s shocking how many men can’t do this task effectively – if at all.  

Do not stare, and do not give her some grim, weird look.  What you want communicated from your initial eye contact is “I’m an interesting guy who’s worth getting to know better.” 

Just be natural and wait for the green light before you proceed.

Eye See....

When acting through ‘less is more’, flirtation at first involves the skill of showing interest, but not showing too much interest.  Probably a better way to put this is to not show too much interest too quickly.  A huge part of you being attractive to women in general is that you are in control of your actions and emotions, that you are decisive and that you are clear on what is you want and how you are going about go get it.  The first step towards all of this in the realm of flirtation is the initial indication of attraction – eye contact.

Probably the single biggest difference between men who are successful in attracting women and those that aren’t is the ability to make effective eye contact with women.  If you are afraid of women or lack confidence around them, it’s likely you have a lot of difficulty looking a cute woman directly in the eyes, at least in a manner that is friendly and effective.  Bear in mind, this is the initial indicator, and overcoming this obstacle is very, very simple.