Developing a Good Bad Boy Understanding of Women

At this point I would be remiss to allow you to unleash this newly charged male fury on an unsuspecting female population half-cocked, so to speak.

Why, you may ask?  Well, one assumes that the main reason why this blog interests you is that you’re dying to figure out what it is that women really want.  You now have more clarity on the kind of woman you are seeking out, instead of just hanging around at a club or party and reacting to whichever woman happens to respond to your ill-informed advances.  However, you’re only part way to your desired destination.  You may be clear on where you’re heading, but you have no clue what to do once you get there.  You need to develop a Good Bad Boy understanding of women. 

Think of it this way.  You are embarking on a photo safari in Africa, and you’ve decided to pursue only elephants instead of lions.  The clarity of choice is laudable, but you still have little understanding of how to do it without local assistance.  Sure, you know what they look like and they travel in herds, and eat a lot of vegetation, have to drink fifty gallons of water a day (well, maybe you didn’t know that), but you have no idea of where they roam, when and why or any of their other behavioral traits.  From your perspective right now women are wild animals – beautiful, wonderful to gaze upon, but dangerous to approach in any manner lest you get your heart or ego trampled.  You wouldn’t just walk up to an elephant in the wild and start snapping flash photos, unless you’re capable of running at world-class speed.   Hence, a new understanding of women needs to wash over you in a flash flood manner – quickly and completely.

Counter Intuition

A friend of mine who was dating online posted a profile that he figured would not be of interest to 99.9% of the women who happened to look at it.  Sounds like a bad plan but it really made sense.  You’re not trying to serial date; your goal is to find that woman that you have good chemistry with. 

He was very clear on what he was looking for, but he didn’t make the mistake of spelling out a list of what he was seeking in a woman.  That is a terrible plan of action for dating and will turn most women off – just avoid it.  Instead he was very comfortable with who he is and wrote a profile that he intended to appeal to the most creative and adventurous women out there – he was really target marketing! 

He was trying to clear the room of all those women he knew he would not be interested in and focused on the much smaller number that he would want to connect with.  From there he could see from the few responses which woman really was the best fit to what he was seeking, and proceeded ahead. 

It worked brilliantly because he found a wonderful companion who shares many things in common with him and they’ve been happily married for quite a long time now.

Good Bad Boy Tip #2

The latest in the ongoing series of Good Bad Boy Tips......

 By being clear what you desire you maintain your way on the path of Bad Boy Enlightenment and by going from your inside out to the rest of the dating world, you maintain your stature and power.  You have given yourself clarity on the type of woman you would like to pursue – stick to it.  Stay true to yourself and put that out to the world.  Many women will respond to it, but remember to Think Less and Feel More on what comes back to you.

Do You Really KNOW What You Want?

A lot of time will be saved and headaches avoided if you know what you want.  By being clear in this regard you will recognize much more quickly those who you are compatible with and those you are not.  Bear is mind, that as fabulous as you think you might be, you’re not everyone’s cup of tea, and vice versa.  If you recognize and acknowledge that early on, and part ways gracefully, it’s always an action that is taking care of yourself.

Of course, you may be concerned that in being much more clear and specific on whom you want to date, you’re going to exclude all the other women that don’t fit the desired profile and have far less women to potentially date.  Or you’re interfering with what the fates may have in store for you.  You’re welcome to turn over your love life to a cosmic roll of the dice and a bazillion to one chance that you’ll encounter your female alter ego while you’re at the market. 

If you have that kind of time, patience and faith, kudos for you.  For the rest of us pragmatic mortals, here’s a thought.  Say there are 500 single women in your city in your desired age range.  Now, let’s assume you are very, very clear on what type of characteristics and attributes you are seeking from this group, and that will eliminate 99% of them. 

Of course, most men will wail like a soiled infant when they here that percentage--but wait crybaby!   That still leaves five women that meet your very precise, very specific criteria.  And while five may not seem a big number like 500, you will be hard pressed to date five women in any kind of short time frame, and still have your normal life.  It’s about someone who fits your parameters, and you only need one.  There’s a decent chance within that number there is someone who really rings your bell.

Be Clear!

Being clear on who you desire not only makes your life much simpler, women will sense that clarity in you and will find it attractive.  While most men look outside themselves for the answer here, once again we’ll take the path of Bad Boy Enlightenment and look within. 

In seeking a compatible companion, it can be simple.  Start by thinking about the things--aspects, habits, ideologies, and so on that are important to you, and list them.  Then ponder the importance of these in a woman you’d like to date.  Here are a few areas to consider to get started:

• Intelligence--When it comes to a woman that you’ve just met and are trying to know better, it seems that there is far more time focused on what’s going on from the neck down instead of what exists between her ears.  You may not need a woman to have a doctorate, but you should be honest with yourself if you’re going to feel intimidated by her if she’s very accomplished.   There should be an inner ease here on both sides, without anyone having to prove anything.  Be yourself and see if the minds mesh.  This is a very important, usually overlooked area, and many times the level of intellect goes hand in hand with level of imagination, experimentation, creativity, adventure and so on.   For better or worse, there is a vast range of intellect out there, and if your witty humor is not being appreciated, or you find your potential lover having to define words you’ve not heard before – assuming you’re comfortable enough with yourself to admit to her you don’t know the meaning – red flags should begin to fly. 
• Looks – Need more be said?  This one is in the eye of the beholder.  Sure, it matters, but remember, it isn’t everything.  Sometimes beauty can blind you to characteristics that are far less pretty.  Attractiveness is more than looks, and someone who is truly beautiful is that way below the surface – sexiness is a state of mind and displayed in attitude and demeanor.  These are facts all Good Bad Boys know instinctively. 
• Profession – What a woman does for a living will be of importance, because there is a wide range of different professions and responsibilities, and that means a wide range of characteristics to fulfill them.  A woman who is in administrative positions may likely have a very different personality than that of someone who is an executive, and consequently a more accomplished woman, at least in the professional sense, will many times be a stronger personality and more independent.  While men often claim that they desire an independent, professionally accomplished woman, once they become involved, they then have great difficulty with her commitment to her work and busy schedule, her unavailability, and complain how they are not getting the attention they want.  You can’t have it both ways, so be clear on what your preferences are in this area, otherwise everyone will end up highly unsatisfied.
• Political /Ideological – Maybe it doesn’t matter to you that you’re conservative and someone you’re dating is liberal.  Maybe it does, but considering it and what it means could be important.  A difference in political leanings doesn’t have to effect a connection between you and a woman unless you choose to let it be an issue.  If there is enough common ground on other ideologies that can be used as a bridge to join the two of you as opposed to focusing on one single aspect and using that as a wall.  Of course, in simple dating, a subject area such as this one is less important than chemistry, but you probably would want to know if you’re trying to seduce a member of some extremely left or right wing organization so you could act accordingly, such as taking the first opportunity to make a speedy exit – unless of course you happen to also belong to that extreme faction as well, and then you’ll have plenty to talk about!
• Activities – Someone who shares an interest in doing the same things you do--hiking, sailing, motorcycling, road trips, playing or watching sports, and so on.  If you’re an outdoors person that loves to camp and hike in the mountains, and your new date’s idea of camping is staying at the Marriott instead of the Hilton – that’s right, red flags fly again. 

There are dozens more categories, but at this point it’s important you are clear on whom you are seeking.  If you jumped in your car in Boston and wanted to take a drive to Springfield, it would seem a straight shot down the Massachusetts Turnpike is in order.  However, that’s assuming you’re going to that Springfield.  You may, in fact, really want to travel to the one in Ohio or Illinois or even Missouri.  In each case, you’re going to have to know exactly where you’re going because each of them ultimately involves taking a different route, and some taking longer than others.   

Know Who You Want.....

To complicate things further, some men will look to their mothers as the source of what they desire in a woman.  More accurately, if their maternal relationship was a healthy one, men will many times try to seek the same characteristics.  Likewise, if the relationship was not very good, men will gravitate away from those characteristics. 

 

While utilizing familiarity with a parent as a guide for connecting with the opposite sex is understandable, it is not what we are seeking here.  Being a Good Bad Boy means working from within, and in order to accomplish this, a clear roadmap on what characteristics in another are being sought is completely necessary.

 

It’s easy to say this, but doing it is a whole other matter.  Most men have a better shot with quantum physics problems or plumbing repair than they do with defining their ideal woman.  However, it need not be so hard.  It’s very important to have an awareness of the characteristics you desire in a woman from the beginning.   The sooner you know the level of mutual compatibility, the sooner you know the proper path to follow, which will lead to your destination instead of wandering around lost in the dating desert.

What Do Men Really Want?

One large mistake that many men make is incorrectly focusing on what they think an ideal woman is in terms of behavior, looks, or actions.   Since virtually every man doesn’t come close to getting this right, it’s a good idea to examine what exactly men are seeking in the relationship arena.

Ask any man what it is that he is seeking when dating the opposite sex and you will encounter a range of answers that will stretch from the sublime to the ridiculous, with the majority leaning towards the latter.  The infamous “I’ll know it when I see/hear/smell/feel/taste it” can be generally translated as “I have no idea at all what I really want”.  Often, men rely on what their minds (read: eyes) tell them instead of their hearts, and often make poor choices as far as dates are concerned. 

Men will be all over the place as far as what they want, desiring someone who is attractive, sexy, smart, salacious, a good cook, listens well, is a caretaker, nurturer, great map reader, and so on.  The list gets even more specific in places like New York, Paris, Rome or Los Angeles where there are a plethora of pretty women; the premium on attractiveness goes up significantly.

Good Bad Boy Tip #1

From time to time I'll put out suggestions, 'tips' if you may, that will help you put things in perspective.  Here's the first one.....

Most women agree that men do not meld the Bad Boy with Mr. Nice Guy.  Most men are either one or the other, which leaves women with a frustrating choice.  Either they are decent men who don’t know how to properly light their fire, or bad guy loser types who know how to excite a woman but behave badly in every other regard.  Start viewing yourself in a different light in your encounters with women – you will now be a driving force to your goals instead of passively waiting for what crumbs that may fall your way.

Start Out With Nice......

Women want to have a nice guy in their lives.  A fellow that they can rely on--shows up on time, calls regularly, listens, brings flowers, is caring and so on.  However, here’s what most guys never figure out- Mr. Nice Guy generally doesn’t get a woman hot and bothered.  He’s important to a woman everywhere except the bedroom.  And we all know what an important room the bedroom is.

I once was out on a first date with a woman, who was a very attractive college professor, and we had a very good time at our meal and flirting, and it was clear there was a mutual attraction.  After our dinner we went for a walk around the neighborhood, which was a trendy area with shops and other restaurants.  While we were walking and talking, I was looking for the right place and time to raise the stakes.  We turned a corner and there was a long wall, and I stopped, and then she stopped as well.  I then put my hand on her abdomen and gently pushed her up against the wall, and stepped closer to her.  She then looked at me and said, somewhat breathlessly, “Oh, you’re a Bad Boy, aren’t you?” 

I said nothing, as that would have taken away from the moment, but those were special words to any Good Bad Boy.  I gave her a deep, long and very substantial kiss that answered her question in the most affirmative manner possible.  How you get to this point of knowledge and confidence will be shown later, but the point is, Mr. Nice Guy took her to dinner, and then stepped away at the appropriate time to let the Good Bad Boy take over and do his magic.