Clarity & Patience Redux

Let's say there are 50 single women in your area in your desired age range. Now, lets assume you are very, very clear on what type of characteristics and attributes you are seeking from this group, and that will eliminate 90% of them. Of course, most men will wail like a soiled infant when they hear that percentage; but wait crybaby! That still leaves five women that meet your very precise, very specific menu. And while five may not seem a big number like 50, you will be hard pressed to date five women in any kind of short time frame.

If five still seems like a small number to you, you’re probably a serial dater and you should be required by law to announce that fact at the beginning of any first date so a woman has an opportunity to run for safety. Chances are very good that within that number, there is someone who really rings your bell. If you still can’t get arrested by romance after this, it may be time to consider missionary work abroad.

By being clear you maintain your way on the path of Bad Boy Enlightenment and going from your inside out to the rest of the dating world, you maintain your stature and power. You have given yourself clarity on the type of woman you would like to pursue and now you are bursting at the inseam to get out there and go after your new target audience. However, I would be remiss to allow you to unleash that newly charged male fury on an unsuspecting female population half-cocked, so to speak.

Why, you may ask?

Well, you really don't have a good understanding of women yet, do you......?

More Clarity, More Patience...

A lot of time will be saved and headaches avoided if you know what you want. By being clear you will recognize much more quickly those who you are compatible with and those you are not. Bear is mind, that as fabulous as you think you might be, you’re not everyone’s cup of tea, and vice versa. If you recognize and acknowledge that early on, and part ways gracefully, it’s always an action that is taking care of a very important person – you!

Of course, you may be concerned that in being much more clear and specific on whom you want to date, you’re going to exclude all the other cuties who don’t fit the desired profile and maybe there is some magical connection out there that is beyond the defined parameters. This may be true, but its also true that if you buy a lottery ticket you could win the big jackpot, and it can be argued that you’ve have a better chance of winning the cash. You’re welcome to turn over your love life to a cosmic roll of the dice and a bazillion to one chance that you’ll encounter your female alter ego while you’re at the market replenishing your chips and salsa. Maybe you have that kind of time, patience and faith. For the rest of us pragmatic mortals, there is something to think about......

Clarity - Part III

More points to consider when you are first getting to know someone and assessing common ground...

• Political/Ideological – Maybe it doesn’t matter to you that you’re conservative and someone you’re dating is liberal. Maybe it does, but considering it and what it means is important. Of course, in simple dating, a subject area such as this one is less important than chemistry, but you probably would want to know if you’re trying to seduce a member of some extremely left wing or right wing organization so you could act accordingly, such as hailing down a cab at the first opportunity to bring about a speedy exit.

• Activities – Someone who shares an interest in doing the same things you do - hiking, sailing, motorcycling, road trips, playing or watching sports, and so on. If you’re an outdoors person that loves to camp and hike in the mountains, and your new date’s idea of camping is staying at the Marriott instead of the Hilton – that’s right, here come the red flags again.

There are dozens more categories, but at this point it’s important you are clear on whom you are seeking. If you jumped in your car in Boston and wanted to take a drive to Springfield, it would seem a straight shot down the Massachusetts Turnpike is in order. However, that’s assuming we’re going to that Springfield. You may, in fact, really want to travel to the one in Ohio or Illinois or even Missouri. In each case, you’re going to have to know exactly where you’re going because each of them ultimately involves taking a different route, and some taking longer than others.

Clarity and Patience. You'll need both to really start acting from within on being with the person that you choose to get to know better. Clarity shows strength, and strength shows confidence - all of which makes you more attractive.

However, clarity and patience go hand in hand......

More Aspects to Be Clear On.....

Looks – Need more be said? This one is in the eye of the beholder. Sure, it matters, but remember, it isn’t everything. Sometimes beauty can blind you to characteristics that are far less pretty. Attractiveness is more than looks, and someone who is truly beautiful is that way below the surface – sexiness is a state of mind and displayed in attitude and demeanor. These are facts all Good Bad Boys know instinctively.

Profession – What a woman does for a living will be of importance, because there is a wide range of different professions and responsibilities, and that means a wide range of characteristics to fulfill them. A woman who is in administrative positions may likely have a very different personality than that of someone who is an executive, and consequently a more accomplished woman, at least in the professional sense, will many times be a stronger personality and more independent. While many times men claim that they desire an independent, professionally adept woman, once they become involved, they then have great difficulty with her commitment to her work and busy schedule, her availability, and complain how they are not getting the attention they want. Sorry, guys, you can’t have it both ways, so be clear on what your preferences are in this area, otherwise everyone will end up highly unsatisfied.

More following soon......

Getting Clear On Whom You Are Seeking....

In seeking a compatible companion, clarity can actually be simple, although that's probably not been your experience so far. Start by thinking about the things - aspects, habits, ideologies, and so on that are important to you, and list them. Then ponder the importance of these in a woman you’d like to date.

Here is one area to consider to get you started:

Intelligence - When it comes to a woman that you’ve just met, there is far more time focused on what’s going on from the neck down instead of what exists between her ears. You may not need a woman to have a PhD in mathematics, but you should be honest with yourself if you’re going to feel intimidated by her accomplishments. There should be an inner ease here on both sides, without anyone having to prove anything. Be yourself and see if the minds mesh.

This is a very important, usually overlooked area, and many times the level of intellect goes hand in hand with level of imagination, experimentation, creativity, adventure and so on. For better or worse, there is a vast range of intellect out there, and if your witty humor (or hers) is not being appreciated, or you find your potential lover having to define words you’ve not heard before – assuming you’re comfortable enough with yourself to admit to her you don’t know the meaning – red flags should begin to unfurl in your mind.

More areas to be discussed later this week......

Stumbling Towards Clarity...

Of course, it’s easy to say this, but doing it is a whole other matter. Men generally approach the topic of their ideal woman with a level of trepidation usually reserved for quantum physics or plumbing repairs. However, it need not be so hard. Its very important to be aware of the characteristics and attributes you desire in another woman from the beginning. The sooner you know the level of mutual compatibility, the sooner you know the proper path to follow, which will lead to your destination instead of wandering around lost in the dating desert.

Being clear on who you desire not only makes your life much simpler, women will sense that clarity in you and will find it attractive. While most men look outside themselves for the answer here, once again we’ll take the path of Bad Boy Enlightenment and look within.

So, if you don't know exactly what you want, what should you be looking for?

Still Figuring Out What You Want?

Often, men rely on what their minds (read: eyes) tell them instead of their hearts, and often make poor choices as far as dates are concerned. Men will be all over the map as far as what they want, desiring someone who is attractive, sexy, smart, salacious, a good cook, listens well, caretaker, nurturer, great map reader, knows the proper definition of the word bemused and so on. The list gets even more specific in places like New York or Los Angeles where there are a plethora of pretty women; the premium on attractiveness goes up significantly.

Frightening as it may sound, many men look to their mothers as the source of what they desire in a woman. This doesn’t mean they call up their moms and run a particular date’s attributes by them on a weekly basis and get her feedback. More accurately, if their maternal relationship was a healthy one, men will many times try to seek the same characteristics. Likewise, if the relationship was not very good, men will gravitate away from those characteristics.

While utilizing past familiarity with a parent as a guide for connecting with the opposite sex is a normal occurrence, it is not necessarily a good or healthy way to proceed. Being a good Bad Boy means working from within, and in order to accomplish this, a clear roadmap on what characteristics in another are being sought is completely necessary.

What Exactly Do YOU Want?

One large mistake that many men make is incorrectly focusing on what they think a woman will want from them in terms of behavior, looks, their actions, and other diverse and varied aspects of the mating dance. Since virtually every man doesn’t come close to getting this right, a provocative notion may be to examine what exactly is it that men are seeking in the relationship arena.

Ask any man what it is that he is seeking from dating the opposite sex and you likely will encounter a range of answers that will stretch from the sublime to the ridiculous, with a majority leaning towards the latter. The infamous “I’ll know it when I see/hear/smell/feel/taste it” can be generally translated as “I really have no idea at all what I really want”.