A Few Words on Christmas......

This is the time of year where there's a lot of activity and a lot of expectation - a very challenging time when it comes to giving and receiving.  It has been said the true gift in Christmas is being able to effectively receive from others - whether it be lavish gifts or simply kind words or well wishing gestures.


Many men get caught up in the notion that they must be measured by the gifts that they give - how big, how much, how important, and on and on.  I suppose if you're in competition with other guys with that stuff - how you're viewed from a business perspective, etc. - then I guess it matters to some degree.  Good Bad Boys measure themselves from within - not against others.

But that is not our focus here.  A most important goal of any Good Bad Boy, is gaining the adoration of the special woman/women in your life.  The way to do that is simple - make them feel special, like she is the only woman in the world that truly matters to you.  How you do that is specific to the person involved - there's no one answer for that.

If you've been reading (and absorbing) these posts over the last several months you've already listened and asked all the questions so you should have an idea the kinds of gestures that would make the woman in your life very happy.  I said it was simple.  I didn't say it was easy.

Nice Try, Mr. Not So Nice Guy.......

While you are wrangling with the balance between Nice Guy and Bad Boy, there is still the problem on the nice side of the spectrum that we have already briefly examined.  Let's look at it in more detail.

By initially establishing a relationship based on friendship, instead of one that expresses sexual attraction and desire, the male has helped put up a physical intimacy wall between the two participants.  Now, if you’re very fortunate and there is mutual attraction, that will become apparent and you hopefully will not drop the precious ball that you’ve just been handed.  What will very quickly become a problem is operating with an ulterior motive.

As mentioned earlier, perform kind acts because you want to, not because you want something in exchange for them.

Not having the benefit of being properly educated on how to interact with women at an early age, Mr. Nice Guy becomes perplexed at why he can’t get a woman to desire him physically.  All the things he was taught about being nice to others when he was younger come into doubt.  Many start thinking, “I’m doing everything possible to help this woman out, why can’t she see that I’m really attracted to her?”

For better or worse, men are generally looked upon as the sexual pursuers in our society.  You can fight this fact all you want, but the sooner you embrace it, and stop whining about how women should be asking you out (with few exceptions, you’ll have a very long, miserable wait for them to do that), the sooner you’ll be a happier Good Bad Boy.

So, being nice is not getting you the attention you desire. Now the misunderstanding sometimes develops into darker areas of mistrust, frustration and anger. After repeatedly being nice to woman and striking out when it comes to asking them out on dates, most men, instead of looking in the mirror and recognizing that doing the same thing over and over is not working and taking responsibility for that, point the finger and blame women.

The Nice and The Bad

It’s no secret that women want to have a nice guy in their life. A fellow that they can rely on - shows up on time, calls on the phone regularly, listens, brings flowers, is caring and so on. The all-around Mr. Nice Guy. Most decent males, unless they grew up on Neptune or were raised by a wolf pack, already have a pretty good idea about this.

However, here’s where most guys trip up - Mr. Nice Guy generally doesn’t get a woman hot and bothered. He’s important to a woman everywhere except the bedroom. By now it better be obvious that the goal is being important to a woman in every room in her house, with as few restrictions as possible.

In discussing this with women, most agree that men generally do not merge the Bad Boy with Mr. Nice Guy. Most men are either one or the other, which many times leave women with a frustrating choice. Either there are decent men who don’t know how to properly light their fire, or bad guy loser types who know how to seduce and excite a woman but behave badly in every other regard, which is certainly not of interest here.

As discussed earlier, the lack of effective education and communication on how to interact with girls can be pointed out as a culprit. A lot of guys grow up watching too many movies where a tough, Clint Eastwood type character who barely communicates any sentiment always gets the stunningly attractive woman. Add to that the media stereotypes of musicians, athletes and other celebrities with glamorous models on their arm, and boys get the notion that being cool, aloof, and difficult to communicate with makes them a Bad Boy that girls will find completely irresistible.

That leaves the unhappy dynamic of unscrupulous Bad Boys being unable to connect with women, and because of their misconceived aversion to performing nice deeds this leaves them unable to connect with the opposite sex on a meaningful and powerful level. The perceived notion is that being ‘cool’ is omni important, and being nice to a female compromises a guy’s stature at being cool. More than likely this comes from the perception of peers, since healthy women will be repelled by this attitude.

Unfortunately, a lot of the boys in this group grow into men with these misconceptions and fail to examine their own behavior, often blaming the woman for any lack of connection, communication or understanding. This is part of the foundation of a lot of unacceptable Bad Boy behavior, and while all the sexual allure stays intact, ultimately this fellow gets labeled as complete emotional trouble, and should be avoided at all costs. 

Nice Guys will do whatever is necessary to acquire a Bad Boy persona, but the Bad Boys who behave poorly will almost never be interested in the Nice Guy characteristics.

Hopefully you begin to see the importance of the balance between Good and Bad.

However, it is a balance, and next we'll look at the problems of being good all the time.....

 

 

What Women Really Want......

Although the subject of what a woman really wants in a man can be written about and discussed from now until doomsday, our focus is on one particular aspect within this subject. If you know this fact, and then learn how to become adept within it, well – I can assure you the women in your life will be very happy, and therefore you will be as well. And what is this great kernel of sensual knowledge?

Essentially, most women want Mr. Nice Guy to know how to look and act like a Bad Boy. They want a man who knows when its time to act like a gentleman and then knows when its time to be anything but. And yes, this usually means sensually and sexually. Many women desire a Bad Boy, but that hardly means they want a Loser in their lives, which most Bad Boys are. While women want the guy they’re intimately involved with to possess the characteristics of the sensitive, well-mannered good guy, those traits usually appeal to their common sense, and are not what sends their hearts and libidos racing.


As mentioned earlier, women really desire both the Nice Guy and the Bad Boy in the same package. Many men scratch their heads and don’t understand how they can want both a bad and a good guy. The important thing to know is that they are looking for this only in the physical realm or those areas of their psyche that stimulate the physical. They want the Bad Boy mostly in a sexual context, because this guy turns them on – the outlaw, the rebel, the guy who doesn’t follow the rules and does things his own way.


He may look rough, someone not to mess with, or not. Someone who presents an element of danger and risk that is many times thrilling to a woman. Of course, bringing this mythic figure into the chaotic world of male and female relations is daunting. Women don’t really want a dangerous guy in their lives, since physical safety is at the top of a woman’s priority list. Misbehaving Bad Boys that do not pick up the phone and call or display any other actions that show that a woman is valued and desired will always lead to misery. It is very important to recognize the distinction between a Bad Boy and a Good Bad Boy. One will receive adoration from women and the other will cause misery to them. If you have to think about which one is more suited to you, stop reading now, since you’re beyond redemption. The nice guys, with a new found sexual edge after reading all of this over time, will be finishing first.


So how does a Nice Guy learn how and when to be a Good Bad Boy? Ah, patience, grasshopper.......