The Friendship Trap

There’s nothing wrong with acts of chivalry and kindness without expectation of recompense. However, if your initial efforts at trying to gain the favors of a fair maiden involve fixing machines, appliances, switches or other complicated broken things; offering to carry heavy objects, killing and disposing of various and sundry vermin, and so on, you're in trouble. You are essentially building a mammoth neon sign over your head that reads to her PLATONIC FRIEND – DO NOT TOUCH.

Again, this is assuming that she doesn’t have a big initial attraction to you. The only sure way to know that a woman is attracted to you is that it has been communicated to you in a very clear manner. However it is broadcast to you, be it through actions or words, they should be crystal clear so even the geekiest organic chemist will know. “Hey, she was smiling at me, and looking me in the eyes...a lot!” Anything short of this shall be interpreted as Friends Only!

In case you’ve somehow gotten this far in life without knowing what platonic entails, in essence it means non-physical, which put in male terms reads No Sex For You, Pal. Your early involvement with her has been a task oriented one having nothing to do with romance. So, my friend, you have set that course. Don’t blame any woman later for leading you on, taking advantage of you or any other ego driven nonsense in an effort to salve your wounded pride. You were the one who got the ball rolling in this direction. She never expressed any attraction towards you, correct? Any woman can find a handyman in the Yellow Pages, finding a guy that can sweep her off her feet and take her breath away is a lot more challenging.

Essentially, by sending out the message that you’re a nice guy and that you’re willing to do favors for a woman, guess what? They will be more than happy to oblige your wishes. Why not? You’ve communicated to her that it’s fine to take that course. Women are quite sharp, but they can’t read your mind. By failing to effectively communicate your hopes, wishes and desires, you’ve now dug yourself into the Platonic Grave, and rest assured, there is little hope of ever getting out of it.

The problem here is that Mr. Nice Guy has taken the lead role. He has his place, and it’s an important one, but on the journey to being a Good Bad Boy, it is essential for one to know when its time for Mr. Nice Guy and when the Good Bad Boy steps in to take over. They are to co-exist, dependent on each other, but like a good team, will not interfere with the other’s area of expertise. Those defined areas will become clearer later on.

For now, you need to learn a lot more about women.

More on Emotional Safety......

If you’re still skeptical, simply try it the Good Bad Boy way next time. If you're unsatisfied with how you feel afterwards, you can return to your old beliefs that have lead to your present frustrated state and continue to do it your way. Your transformation must come from the inside. Assuming you’re now truly free of expectation, you don’t feel a lack or loss when nothing has happened.

You’ve done a selfless, kind act and asked or expected nothing in return. You feel better, and it reflects to others around you. Women are very sensitive and intuitive and will pick up on this, and will be much more attracted to you because of it. They love guys with this attitude. Do kind and selfless deeds without any expectation. Doing them anonymously is even better; it’s a higher evolution of this concept.

Remember, it’s about how you feel on the inside, and this will make you feel better about yourself. Every Good Bad Boy feels great about who he is on the inside, and this concept is only a small part of the bigger picture.

The importance of this all goes back to a woman’s emotional safety. If she knows you’re doing all manner of things for her without any expectation from it, that you have no ulterior motives, she will be much more likely to trust you and desire being closer to you. This may or may not manifest in any physical activity, but be assured that if there is any kissing, or more, that’s going to happen, it will only be if she reaches this comfort level with you.

Of course, all of this assumes that she has a physical attraction for you. Sorry fellas, I’m going to have to state the obvious on occasion, since most of you seem to miss it so often. If she's not attracted to you, then that's that. Too many guys go blundering through a red light that a woman has put up showing there's no physical interest. Be a man and get over it, there are plenty of other great women out there. Of course, you were already detached from any specific outcome, so you still feel great about yourself, and no harm done - RIGHT? If you still feel a sting, or big disappointment, you were hiding an agenda. Being honest with yourself is crucial to building trust with women, and everyone else.

Nice Guys get completely lost on the way to that important First Kiss. Worse yet, they only realize they’ve been on the less scenic Road to Platonic Friendship far too late for them to get back in the right direction.

Let's make sure you stay on the Focused Path to Good Bad Boy Enlightenment....

Making A Woman Feel Safe Around You

First and foremost, the most important task for Mr. Nice Guy is having his words and deeds reach a point of consistency that a woman feels emotionally safe with him. Mind you, we're not talking about physical safety here. If that were an issue with you she would have sensed that quickly and have run in top speed in the opposite direction, stilettos notwithstanding.

The significance of emotional safety cannot be stressed enough. If a woman feels emotionally safe, then – with time, patience, effort and trust – her heart, mind, body and soul will be open and accessible. This is a fact of life between men and women that will not change, and unfortunately, most men completely miss this critical point.

This investment of time and effort will pay off handsomely later, and every accomplished Good Bad Boy knows this. Many times the Nice Guy will spend time with a woman being nice and attentive, but all the time and effort is focused on a sexual payoff somewhere down the road. This is a mentality that should always be avoided; if you can’t be kind and patient with a woman (or anyone, for that matter) simply for the sake of being that way, then you should forget everything you've already read here and return to your previous unconsciousness.

Anything short of this generous mindset is a ‘strings attached’ attitude, and a complete waste of your time. Simply put, it just isn’t nice, and women will view you as creepy – a term you are never to associate yourself with. You’re better off being dead than being a creep. If you depart this life now at least there will be some fond remembrance of you and sympathy for your loved ones. Creeps expire alone and forgotten. 

Let's take this from a different vantage point. If you’re a Nice Guy who’s been doing all sorts of favors and things for the cute girls in your life and hoping to get some physical attention because you’ve been such a ‘nice guy’, well, I have some bad news for you. Not only is there nothing nice about that attitude, it’s actually very unpleasant and manipulative. Having a 'no stings attached' attitude permeate across all your actions, regardless of who the other person is, will make you feel better about yourself, and others will recognize and respond to that. And yes, women will pick up on this, and you will be much more attractive to them.

So, if you can’t do a favor for an attractive woman without expectation of anything in return, then don’t do it at all. Good Bad Boys know that doing kind deeds across the board, without the anticipation of some sort of payoff, is the only route to Good Bad Boy Enlightenment. Besides, the real secret is that a truly kind individual who gives freely without expectation of anything in return is much more likely to get what he wants. I’m not talking of Porsches and swimming pools here, this is about engaging the women in your life on an intimate level you’ve only dreamed of.

More on Getting a Woman's Attention

If, as Good Bad Boys do, you take the path that most other men do not, you will recognize the value of getting a woman's attention and understand the time and effort that will be involved in obtaining  it. Nothing of great value is easily obtained, and this is no exception.

This is hardly a problem, since a key part of evolving as a Good Bad Boy is the journey getting there, and what an enjoyable journey it will be! Do not, as most men do, simply sexualize a woman when you first meet her, sizing her up as a sexual partner, looking her over as if she's roast beef to be purchased at the deli counter. This sounds harsh, but I'm sure there are thousands of woman out there that would be nodding their heads in remembrance of experiencing that particular unpleasantness.

Many men have the potential for great sexual confidence, which will spill out to greater confidence in many other aspects of their lives. Women find confidence in a man attractive, and they find a man that has confidence when it comes to women extremely attractive.  However, they are flummoxed as to how to access it.

If you cannot bridge these two areas, you will always be a nice guy in her mind, someone to rely on, a guy friend she can confide in, and a good friend. These are death scenarios for a Good Bad Boy. The last thing you want is a wonderful, beautiful woman that you're dying to connect with think of you in the same manner as her girlfriends. She will never surrender her heart, mind and body to you. That she will only do to someone who knows how and when to be a Bad Boy, yet be a good man who knows how to make her feel safe.

Of course you're now wondering 'How does one make a woman feel safe'? Well, that may take some time......

Getting A Woman's Attention - And Keeping It

As stated earlier, being a Nice Guy is quite important. We'll expand on that later, but for now be aware that all of your words and actions from the start send a clear message - both good and bad. So, you need to be hyper aware that sending the clear message from the start that you are a guy that really cares about women is essential. This is the foundation of the Good component of the Good Bad Boy, and without it, you will never gain the attentions of all the sexy, smart, beautiful women out there.

Being a Nice Guy is great, if you want to be good friends with a woman, and nothing more. However, women usually already have plenty of friends, and they are more often looking to a man to be her man. This means knowing the balance and timing of being a Nice Guy, and then when to be a Bad Boy, and it will involve some practice. So....where do you start? 

There are many ways for you to having a lasting impact with a woman, but for our purposes right now we'll focus on how to have her always think fondly of you. Nice guys can do that, and do it well. You (hopefully) already know how to be a trusted friend, but you need to know how to make your way across to the Good Bad Boy realm.

The task at hand is getting a bridge across to that part of a woman that is fired up by a man's confidence and within that his confident sexuality. Bear in mind that nowhere in the previous sentence were the terms conceit, arrogance or self-importance. There are enough of these jerks around, and if you demonstrate any of these traits you should be shut down and tossed out in the cold instantly and deservedly so.

Bridging this chasm will not be a matter of simply laying a board across a small gap; this will involve time, patience and perseverance. The attentions and devotion of a woman of style, substance and sexuality are of great value and it takes time to earn it. This is an important point, because most men greatly underestimate this value.